On Selfishness

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I sometimes find myself behaving very selfishly. When I am struggling or in pain, I tend to only think of myself. How can I become less selfish?

Sincerely,

Selfish Allergy

Dear SA,

Why do you do anything that you do in life? I know, it’s a big question.

For example, your job why do you work there? Or your spouse, why are you with them? Your relationships, your career, your hobbies, your thoughts, literally anything and everything, why do any of it?

You might say I work to feed my family. I am with my spouse because I care about them and want them to be happy. I want you to get a reality check if this is what you think.

Everything you do is selfish. Everything you do is in your self interest.

Under all the surface reasons, you only do any of these things in your life because you feel they will make your experience of life more meaningful, happier, or easier. You may dress it up and mask it as altruism, but please see that it is not.

You are always selfish and behaving selfishly. This is not to chastise you or scold you. This is not to take away from any love you feel for your family, or from the genuine joyful memories you have. Those are all fine. This is just the default state people are in.

When unconscious, you are only capable of behaving selfishly.

You mentioned being in pain or struggling as a trigger for selfishness. You could not be more correct. This desire to make your life better than it currently is, to move out of the struggle and pain, that is the very basis of selfishness.

Basically what I am saying is your entire life is a struggle, therefore it has all been selfish.

When I say that your entire life is a struggle, what I mean is that you are never satisfied with the way things are. Most people have not lived even one moment and been satisfied. Not because life gave them a peaceful moment, but because it was there choice to be that way, regardless of what life threw – few people live like this.

If you are not satisfied with this moment the way it is, you will always be struggling, longing, pushing to find something better. Because you are only concerned with your experience of life becoming better, what other recourse is there but selfishness?

You won’t be able to become less selfish. It is every human being’s desire to evolve, to expand, to grow. You can never avoid this. If you achieve one milestone in life, it may satisfy you for a moment, but pretty soon the longing for the next milestone will come.

Instead, I want you to see that the basis of your entire life is selfishness. But this need not be a bad thing.

The only time when selfishness is an issue is when it is making the experience of others and the environment around you worse.

So the real question isn’t how to become less selfish. The real question is how to live in such a way that you leave this planet and all the people you encountered along the way better off than you found them?

Right now, the problem is you see yourself as an island. You have an identity, a self-image, that is deeply rooted and layered. You think that with this identity, you are special, unique, and without it, you are nothing.

So you cling to this identity, constantly making choices to deepen it, not to shed it. This separates you further and further, isolating you instead of unifying you with existence.

The reality is if I stripped away everything you call as you – all your titles, your attachment to you relationships, your preferences, all of it – you would still be 100% unique in this universe. That is because there are no two moments in this existence that have ever been identical, and there never will be.

When the source of who you are is built like this, there really is no need for such an obsession with being a unique special little snowflake. This identity you are so clinging to is the only obstacle.

Instead, if you want your life to enhance everything around you, you must learn to stop identifying with all the labels in your mind and start seeing things as they are.

If you paid close attention, you would see that you are not functioning independently. You think your respiratory system is just from your nostrils to your lungs, but the other half of it is in the trees, is it not?

In this way, you are connected to all of existence. Everything is constantly giving you life – not just air to breathe, but your very life essence! You also are constantly exuding your life energy in an ever reciprocating unity.

If you saw the tree as part of you rather than separate from you, tell me, would you every dare harm it?

Now in the same way, if you saw your spouse, your boss, your neighbour, the dog, whoever or whatever, as part of you, where is the question of ever making things worse?

If you start practicing being more inclusive, seeing everything as a part of you, you will naturally nurture it. It will be effortless. You have your selfish nature to thank for that.

If you are built to be selfish, then just see everything as you! You will automatically do what’s best for all.

All it takes to see others as yourself is to stop giving so much importance to what you think you are.

Every time you think you are a mother, or a brother, or an employee, or a citizen, or a warrior, or a poet, etc – just remind yourself that you are none of those things. It will take some work, but eventually you will stop identifying so strongly with all your masks.

If you constantly are labeling yourself in life, you limit yourself. This is a true crime. You are boundless potential, each moment you can choose however you want to be. Life has given you no labels, you are free to be any way you wish!

Whatever petty definition you give yourself in your mind will never be as good as that truth.

So start including all of existence within you, because you are worthy to include them. In this practice of absolute inclusion, your selfishness will no longer be an issue.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Personal Growth

~ SE

Dear True Self,

I feel like there’s always something in the way of my personal and spiritual growth. Even if I work on one thing, pretty soon some other thing will be in the way. Today it might be my anger, tomorrow it is my judgment, the next day it is my laziness, and so on. Even things I think I’ve overcome sometimes return!

What’s the point of all this inner work if the same cycles and nonsense keep repeating?

Sincerely,

Always Something in the Way

Dear ASITW,

You are viewing your inner evolution as though there is some point to reach. As if there is an end point, a checkpoint where we can turn and look at you and say “He’s made it!”

Your potential is limitless. This is because you are life, and life is unbounded, infinitely expanding in nature. The only end point for what you call you is death. Then maybe we can say you made it!

The cycles keep on endlessly repeating not as some punishment. That is just the way of life. No one has told you to look at them as tedious, repetitive, annoying, frustrating, or whatever negative connotation you’ve assigned to them. They just simply are.

Every year this planet revolves around the sun. Every year, there is a summer, autumn, winter, and spring. The planet does not say to itself, “Okay, after the 7,835,652nd trip around the sun, then we’ve done it! It will just be spring forever!”

There are no good or bad seasons in your life. There are only seasons.

You don’t get to decide what seasons this planet is in. Similarly, you cannot control what happens in your life 100%. You can only manage how you are. That is your freedom.

Life will constantly give you a process to help you grow, evolve, transform. Whether you do or not, well, that’s your choice. On this you can always be certain.

You see your enlightenment is not at the end of some process. Enlightenment IS the process. It is packed into each moment, not at the end of some path.

To see that there is nowhere to get to, that everything you need or could ever want is happening right now – this is all it is.

You have decided to live your life from the perspective that you are not complete, are lacking, and need to figure it out. So you view everything as an obstacle. This is not true. Life is complete as it is, in every manifestation, including you.

I’m not saying this to make you feel special. It is just the beauty of life. You are complete as you are, right now.

But it doesn’t feel that way. Hence why you keep playing games, keep repeating cycles, keep on struggling. So how to feel that way?

I am telling you that what you need to overcome isn’t your anger. It isn’t your judgment. It isn’t your laziness. It isn’t whatever flavour of the week it’s decided to present as. What you need to overcome is your perspective.

Until you learn to stop looking at life as right and wrong, this or that, left or right, good and bad, etc, the cycles of struggle keep on happening.

One day you feel good because it spring within you. Then the next day the season changes and it is autumn, but you don’t like shedding, so you fight it wondering why life is always picking on you. Then it changes. Again it changes. And again, again, again.

You are a slave to the cycles of life because you live compulsively. Your perspective will always be to divide everything into what you prefer and don’t prefer, and when that happens, you are lost, there is no ease anymore. There can only be struggle.

The compulsive way within you will always be to judge everything into it’s categories. It is an accidental way of existing. Only by consciously being here, in this moment, do you have any power for the cycles to stop.

Tell me, which gives you more power to be the way you want – compulsion or being conscious?

Obviously only being conscious can do this.

So do not work on yourself. Do not work on the challenges life brings. If you think that by doing enough work that you will achieve your growth, just stop right now. There is no point unless you treat every moment as your opportunity.

Whether life is difficult or pleasant, you must always strive to drop your limited perspective and see it fresh each time. That is the only work you need to do.

Don’t assume this moment is good because you feel happy and that moment was bad because you were unhappy. They are just moments. Don’t assume that because you did work during the difficult times that the good times are your reward. Life is not a game of work and reward. Life just is.

You have two choices: Treat every moment as a beautiful process, or treat every moment as a beautiful result. Either way is fine, because the truth is life is always both at the same time, holding hands, indivisible.

If you are still not convinced, then I’ll make it as simple as possible:

Every moment in life is unique. There was never a moment like it before and never will be again. So tell me, if that’s true, how the hell are you seeing it as the same thing repeating? More importantly, why? It’s a bit of a stupid and unrealistic perspective to choose isn’t it?

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Leadership

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

How can I be a better leader? I am in a higher position in my workplace but people don’t seem to listen to me, respect me, or follow me. What can I do to make them follow my guidance?

Sincerely,

Follow the Leader

Dear FTL,

First of all drop this notion that you can get people to do anything. You cannot get anyone to listen to you, respect you, or follow you. People are not yours to control.

Let’s take a look at what you are asking – You want to know in which way you can act that will ensure that other people behave the way you want them to. Then you are calling this leadership.

What you are describing is not leadership, it is manipulation. Trying to get people to act the way you want them to is the very definition of a manipulative person.

You probably aren’t doing it consciously. The way most businesses are set up is almost militaristic – chain of command, superiority, hierarchy. But just because someone has promoted you does not mean people will follow you and consider you a leader.

If you just consider everyone to be under you then you will only try to use them. You have some end you are trying to accomplish and they are the means. Tell me, would you want to be used for someone else’s machinations? What makes you think that others would want to?

People naturally follow someone who has their best interest at heart. A leader will try to develop a person, help them bring out the best in themselves. A leader will understand that a person who is constantly seeking their personal growth is the best kind of person to have in their circle.

But today we equate leadership with people who are demanding, bossy, commanding… This is an unhealthy and skewed way of leading. It is no way of leading at all. It is based on fear.

Unity will accomplish far more than fear ever will. Leadership comes from a sense of showing, guiding, sharing, and inclusion. It is not that you are above someone else so they must obey you.

But you must also understand that these things alone are not always enough. People must observe you and decide for themselves that being with you is going to make their evolution go faster. Them following you is not something you can decide for them.

So you have to honestly ask yourself, are you fit to lead? Do you have this to offer people, that to be in your presence means they will grow? If you do not, then you best find someone to follow who does so you can learn!

It is easy to get into a position of power and suddenly think that the world revolves around you. It does not. Now more than ever, people are relying on you, looking up to you, and you are largely letting them down. You have a responsibility to these people, not the other way around.

You must turn inward and work on yourself. Make yourself in such a way that people thrive in your presence. This doesn’t mean you do everything for them. It means you show them a way to bring out the best in themselves. Then they do the work on their own.

If you do not understand that leadership is not about what others do, but about who you are and how you are, then no one will ever follow you. I have said it time and time again, that you cannot control what others do 100%. But who you are is always 100% in your control.

So embody what being a leader means. Don’t even think of getting others to follow you.

As you gain more to offer others, as you become more of service to others, they will see that being with you is in their best interest and will flock to you. If they are not flocking, then you know that there is still more you need to do.

It is your choice to be a leader. It is their choice to follow you.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On the Meaning of Life

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

Does it matter what we do in life? We have free will and can choose whatever we want, but it all feels so pointless. Life doesn’t seem to have any real meaning at all!

Sincerely,

Existential Crisis

Dear EC,

You are right actually. There is no meaning.

Not the answer you were expecting, huh?

I want you to understand that this isn’t about being nihilistic. This also isn’t about being realistic to a fault either. It is just about what is true and what is not true.

Meaning is not something that exists on it’s own. It is a human invention. Your meaning is something you create. It doesn’t exist independent of you, and when you die, it dies with you.

In many ways, this means life itself is pointless. But that’s a limited viewpoint. It’s not about having a point or not having a point. Life just is, whether you give it a point or not. It is here, a gift. What you make of it is your freedom, your privilege.

Life does have consequence however. Every action has an effect. This is the most fundamental law of existence. Every thought, every word, every act you perform, all of it ripples out from you affecting everything around you.

Think of it like ripples in a pond. Your existence itself is a constant ripple, effecting this great ocean of existence. It is felt all over.

If you could experience the depth of the effect you have, the depth of the effect life is having on you right now, even for one brief moment – well that would be enough to show you that life is your making, and that is no small thing.

But at the same time, for how powerful of an effect you have, you are also insignificant. In the grand scheme of the cosmos, what you do on this small little speck in this solar system matters very little.

This is how life is – so important yet so insignificant. Importance and insignificance are just two complementary halves, inseparable. That is how your life is too.

You see, nothing truly matters that you do, because life will always go on. But at the same time everything matters. Why? Because it is your life!

Everything that comes into your experience is your life, isn’t it? If something isn’t in your experience, it doesn’t exist for you. If it doesn’t exist for you, it obviously doesn’t matter to you.

Conversely, everything that happens in your life does matter! Forget the grand scale of things for a moment. What happens to you matters to you. To tell yourself otherwise is a psychological lie, a stupid game. If I suddenly start whipping you, trust me, it will matter to you.

So every moment of your life matters to you. Please remember: everyone and everything else in this universe feels the same way. I don’t just mean the people either. I mean every atom in existence.

If you can remember this one thing, that everyone else feels the same way you do, that what happens to them matters, then you will see that we are all equal, in this together. It will be impossible to deny your compassion.

Understanding all this, you must see the two dimensions of life – inward and outward.

The outward, or what you do, is really arbitrary. It doesn’t truly matter. There are no laws in the universe that state you must do good, be kind, etc. No judge is weighing cosmic scales. You are free to act however you want, always.

But an intelligent person will understand that every outward action they take reverberates inward as well. Someone who knows this will not waste time being unpleasant to anything in existence, because they are not stupid enough to hurt themselves. Only stupid people use their free will to make things more difficult for others.

To sum it up: Life is meaningless. But it matters to you. It doesn’t matter what you do, only how you are when you do it. If you are wise, you will leave this world better than you found it, and everyone in it who has encountered you better off for having met you.

Your choice.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Forgiveness

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

How can I be more forgiving? I find when people wrong me severely I cannot forgive them. It feels like I am letting them get away with it.

Sincerely,

Forgive Me Not

Dear FMN,

Have you heard the saying “forgive and forget”?

You must never forget. To forget is not something to strive towards.

Tell me, if you could have a good memory or a poor memory, which would you prefer? Only if you have too many traumatic memories would you want to forget. But if your life was exuberant, you would want to remember every last detail, would you not?

You must understand that you should remember everything – All the wonder, all the joy, all the bitterness, everything in between. Just because you are capable of remembering does not mean you have to dwell on the past.

If you have the capacity to remember, you will be better suited for what life throws at you. You know this and have lived this for sure. Without a good memory, what is the use of practicing anything?

The problem is you don’t use your memory to make intelligent decisions. Instead you dwell on the past – the way you felt, the pain, the trauma. Rather than learn and grow, you simply wish to punish or avoid. You hold grudges.

But there is worse crime than living in the past. Premeditating your actions is much worse.

You see, you don’t forgive people because it changes your actions. Action is always dependent on the situation you are in. You forgive people because you know that if you don’t, you carry the pain that was caused with you everywhere.

The forgiveness is never about the other person. The forgiveness is for your own sake always. Forgive the other so that you don’t carry them with you wherever you go.

What I am saying is forgiveness is freedom.

You may think forgetting them will accomplish this, but it will not. If you forget, you will go on doing the same stupid things over and over, putting yourself in the same situations, hurting yourself again and again.

When we are hurt, we want to justify the hurt. We think that if we plan out how we would be, that it will bring us justice. This is not about justice. This is just that without forgiveness first, there can be no proper action.

So do not premeditate your actions. Every situation is unique, every moment requires it’s own approach.

When you decide before something happens how it should happen, you rob the moment and everyone in it from the countless possibilities available. Who are you to decide ahead of time how everything should be, when every person has limitless potential?

Let’s say today a friend hurts you. Maybe today the correct course of action is to restrain him. Maybe tomorrow he hurts you again. Maybe this time the right move is to embrace him. Maybe he hurts you one more time, and this time the correct response is to punish him.

You must never have it made up in your mind ahead of time “if this person does X, I will do Y”. Life does not work like that.

Instead, simply forgive, then act. If your bitterness or resentment is not involved, you will act with a clear mind and heart and only do what is necessary. If bitterness or resentment is fueling your actions, you will behave in even more hurtful ways.

So how to be more forgiving so you can act with a level head?

To be forgiving will seem impossible if you try to come up with reasons why the other deserves to be forgiven. Turn inward. This is about your mental, physical, and emotional well being after all.

So make forgiveness about you. Remember that every time you become reactive, wanting to blame the other and seek your justice, forgiveness is the necessary first step.

Forgive the other in your heart because they have damaged you enough already. To do any less gives the other even more power to hurt you.

Forgive them because you deserve to move on.

Above all, forgive them because if you act from a space of hurt, all you will cause is more hurt in this world. You will become just like those that hurt you, and I know that is the last thing you want.

Forgive, do not forget. Don’t dwell or grudge, just don’t forget. Then, act as the situation demands. That is the way of a mentally and emotionally intelligent person.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Belief

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I’ve had many experiences that have led me to believe in god. But I know many people who have had the opposite experience. Belief seems like such a powerful way for me to explore my spirituality, but at the same time so many people seem to need evidence for everything. Is it worth it to help people to believe? Or is evidence really paramount?

Sincerely,

Believe It To Me

Dear BITM,

Belief isn’t paramount. Evidence isn’t paramount. Both of these are poor substitutes for the only thing that you truly give any importance to: personal experience.

Let me tell you a story about The Buddha:

One morning, a deeply devout and religious man came to Buddha. He had been a believer his whole life, but had a small nagging doubt, so went to ask:

“Buddha, I am a believer. But I must know, is there a god?”

Buddha looked at the man and replied, “Of course not!”

Later in the evening, another man, an athiest and educated, came to Buddha. He knew there were no such nonsense as god, but had a small nagging doubt, so went to ask:

“Buddha, I am a scholar and have never found any shred of evidence of god. I know it’s just a fairy tale, but please tell me, is there a god?”

Buddha looked at the man and replied, “Of course there is!”

Buddha’s disciples were confused. How could he say there is a god in the morning and then in the night say there is no god?

The point of this story is that both men are caught up in nonsense. One man believes, one man doesn’t believe, it doesn’t matter. The true nature of existence will always elude them because they have traded experiencing life for drawing silly conclusions about it.

Even if everyone tells you to drink a glass of milk everyday, but you have experienced better health by drinking a glass of vinegar everyday, you won’t listen to them. Why? Because your personal experience trumps all belief or evidence.

It doesn’t matter what you believe or don’t believe, it doesn’t change truth. And truth does not come to you from a textbook, from a bible, from a scripture, from a laboratory, or from evidence. Truth only comes to you via experience.

Let’s say you don’t believe in gravity, but I do. If we both jump off a swingset, will you float because of your belief? Conversely, do I fall because of my belief?

Of course it has nothing to do with our beliefs what will happen. In that moment, we will both have the same experience, and that is truth. What works for life – all life – only that can be truth. If it only works for you but not for me, it is not truth.

Still, at the same time, if you only read about gravity in a text book, but never try jumping off the swings, you have only two choices:

To believe it or not to believe it.

You should never blindly believe anything or blindly not believe anything. Best to experience this life, not spend it prioritizing what to believe or not.

I’m not suggesting you be paranoid about everything. What I am saying is you should have a healthy curiosity to live this life. To explore how everything feels. Even if you have all the belief or all the evidence in the world, it is just a cheap substitute for living it.

Evidence and beliefs are just tools. Learn how to use them to live more fully, otherwise what’s the use?

If your belief works for you, if it serves you, then use it. Just understand it is your making, you created it. You created this belief in order to explore your spirituality. Don’t go forcing it down everyone else’s throat.

In the same sense, for those out there who operate on evidence as everything, understand that evidence alone isn’t truth. It still must be interpreted and applied. Respect that experience trumps all, and if you want people to apply the evidence, then it needs to be coupled with experience. No other way will work.

This is why science today struggles so much. It has mountains of evidence for just about anything, but people have trouble getting on board because they have not personally lived it. It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not without experience.

If something doesn’t come into your experience, then it doesn’t exist for you. This is the way all humans are. If you want someone to believe in god, they have to experience the benefits of that belief. If you want someone to not believe in god, the same is true for not believing.

Just look at it like this:

Belief, non-belief, science, religion, evidence, whatever you have held up as the revealer of truth in your life, do not make it into your whole identity. It is just a boat to get you across the river.

What do I mean by this?

Let’s say you build a boat because you are stranded. You spent months cutting and shaping the wood yourself. You may become very attached to the boat. But tell me, are you the boat? Of course not. You need it to get you from where you are to somewhere else.

Once you cross the river, you see that there is now a desert to cross. Do you now strap the boat to your back to cross the desert? How stupid would that be?

That ideology you have made into the revealer of truth in your life, it is just a boat. You are using it to explore the true nature of who you are. Once you see who you are, it would be foolish to keep the boat. But if you are stuck in your beliefs or stuck in your non beliefs, you will become so attached to the damn boat that you refuse to leave it.

There is so much more at work in this existence than most people realize. Beyond your mind, beyond your body, there is a life, a source, that is throbbing undeniably. It’s not about god or no god, it’s just about life.

If you spend your whole life obsessing over believing in god or not believing in god, proving it or disproving it, you will miss out on the whole experience of life!

Life will only yield for you if you are intensely and absolutely involved. With full attention and no entanglement, to be here experiencing what this moment has to offer, this is the way to that source, the ultimate truth.

So first and foremost recognize the boat you’re in. Use it for as long as you need to, but when the time comes, get out of the damn boat and start living. Start experiencing. That is were truth overflows.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Purpose

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

How can I figure out what my purpose in life is? I long for something to fulfill my life and I don’t feel like I’m doing what I’m truly meant to do.

Sincerely,

Finding Purpose

Dear FP,

Everyone in this world has a purpose. There is no atom in this universe that does not have one.

A tree knows it’s purpose. Every day it lives it, without fail. The wind knows it’s purpose, the sun knows it’s purpose, the rivers know their purpose, heck, even an ant knows its purpose.

So why is it so elusive for humans?

The problem is that you think there is something to get. That at the end of the road, there is some prize to be claimed. All that is waiting for you at the end of your life is death. That is the only guaranteed prize.

You must understand that you are not missing anything. You can’t go searching for purpose to fill some void, because there is no void. You were put here with unique and limitless potential.

If you have nothing missing, then how can purpose, or anything else for that matter, fulfill an already full you?

Purpose doesn’t fulfill you. You fulfill it.

You see everyone’s purpose is largely the same. Every human being deep down under all their nonsense and identity wants only one thing: to have lived the most magnificent, beautiful, wondrous life they can with what they were given.

Your whole life is happening right now. Even as you read this, your life is happening. Each moment counts. Each moment matters. What you are waiting so desperately to achieve is already here.

Tell me, how can you achieve something when it spans your whole life? How can you claim a prize when it is already here, happening now?

Your gift has already arrived. Your result, your prize, your fulfillment is already here.

You get to be here, alive. There is no greater prize than the experience of life.

To live that life to it’s full depth and breadth is your freedom, your privilege.

That is your purpose.

If this can sink into you, that there is no point to it all, no-thing to realize, no result to claim – how you choose to explore that purpose will be effortless.

Appreciate the cruel yet beautiful truth: that your life is brief, oh so fragile and precious – yet at the same time you have boundless potential within you, countless paths to explore this life.

I promise you at the end of your life, nothing will have mattered more than how you lived it. Not what you did, just how you did it.

How joyful were you? How involved were you? How aware, how alive!

It doesn’t matter if you discover your purpose is to play the oboe or to be a philanthropist or to be a father or to sit in solitude. If you can’t do it with absolute involvement, reverence, wonder, joy…what’s the goddamn point?

This is why there is no carrot at the end of the stick. Whatever life gives you, you must treat it as your life’s purpose. From the petting of your dog to the driving of your car, live it like it was your true purpose.

If you are honest with yourself like this, treating each moment as your absolute life’s work, you won’t waste time doing nonsense. If you don’t want to work at your job, then you won’t. If you want to explore something different, you will.

You think that knowing your purpose is the missing piece, but trust me, many people know their purpose and still feel just as lost as you.

You have seen people like this – who know their purpose but are always too afraid to live it. To know their purpose has become a curse in many ways. They endlessly make excuses all the way to their grave.

How many people in the world are grinding foolishly away at some job rather than do what truly expresses their nature? How many painters, dancers, teachers, leaders, are in a cubicle, trading their true purpose for illusions of security?

It’s not necessary for you to know your purpose. In fact, it may be better you don’t, because the truth is you are capable of doing just about damn near anything in this life.

What is necessary is that you understand that your life’s work lies in how you live, each and every last moment.

Lose this notion of finding purpose somewhere. Just find purpose in whatever your are doing.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Masculinity

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear true self,

I’ve been reading your blogs for a while now and I must say your perspective is refreshing, and I enjoy reading your opinions.

I live in a world which could be defined by the term toxic masculinity. I try my best to be patient, kind, and understanding but often times I am brought to a weakened state because of the constant push back from the negative energies around me.

It gets so troublesome that sometimes I lash out and end up putting myself in situations I don’t want to be in just because of the constant tugging.

I’m trying my best to be a positive person. I want to make the world a better place. What are some ways I can go about affecting the world without the world effecting me?

Sincerely,

Mostly Positive, Sometimes Tired

Dear MPST,

First of all, we must understand that there is no such thing as toxic masculinity. Before everyone gets in a huff, there is also no such thing as toxic femininity. Toxic behaviour is toxic, it doesn’t matter what you have between your legs.

Before we dive into what you can do amidst toxicity, let’s talk about the very idea of masculine and feminine.

Society has decided for you how you should be – what size, shape, look, personality, emotions, just about everything. For the vast majority, this script is followed without question, and we think it is somehow the inherent truth.

But a script is not something you write for yourself, it’s something that someone writes for you. It is limited and worse it is incorrect.

The reality is that all things in nature have masculine and feminine aspects to them, especially people.

What we largely refer to as masculine energy is the energy of action. If the whole world runs only on masculine energy, it drives itself into the ground in unsustainable ways, as it has now. Today even women who are CEO’s must behave in masculine ways to succeed.

Before you start proclaiming that if women ran the world, things would be better, take a deeper look.

What we refer to as the feminine is receptivity. If the whole world was only passive, nothing would happen or ever get done. Sure, that may fix the current state of the world because we have ramped up the masculine too much, but in the long run it will cause stagnation.

Only through a composite union of the masculine and feminine will there be any balance.

Part of the issue is the words themselves. Masculine and feminine are too loaded.

People have so many opinions on what those terms mean because they are too attached to their identity. He is male, so he must be like this. She is female, so she must be like that.

I am saying only a skewed person is so heavily identified with what’s between their legs. So many body parts, and that’s what you fixate on? Look more at who you are, not what genital organs you have!

All masculine and feminine means is this: Tree breathes out, you breathe in. You breathe out, tree breathes in.

It is this composite union I am referring to. The blend of masculine and feminine, the in and out, the giving and the receiving. All further definitions of masculine and feminine stem from this.

You can’t be a man without the feminine within and you can’t be a woman without the masculine within. It will be no way to live.

Tell me, can you live without the tree breathing? It’s time to stop identifying with male or female anymore. You are always both.

How you keep your inner balance of this matters. And how others keep themselves matters. If it’s too far in one direction or the other, it becomes a problem.

But not everyone who is too masculine or too feminine is toxic. So to blame it on that is short sighted.

We give too much leeway to people when we tell them they are displaying toxic masculinity. Just call them for what they are: They are toxic. If they weren’t toxic about their manliness, they would be toxic about something else, believe me.

I don’t say all of this to wash over all the ways rampant masculinity has caused suffering for many people, especially women. It is an issue that definitely exists.

However, the solution isn’t to redefine masculinity or femininity. It is to hold people accountable beyond their gender. It is not the masculinity that is toxic, it is them. Don’t give them the excuse of their gender to hide behind.

This is why I am telling you over and over to drop the idea of masculine and feminine. To look past people’s surface level garbage, especially some arbitrary male/female script.

So how to hold them accountable?

If you play the game of trying to convince people their masculinity is toxic, it will become a battle of identity. When people’s identity is challenged, they will always push back. Trust me, people are way too attached to their identity. Challenging it will only cause you misery.

Instead you must see that it is an issue beyond their masculinity. They became a toxic person. With all the pain and suffering in the world, that’s who they have chosen to be. It’s truly tragic, isn’t it?

The only reason they have chosen this is because they themselves are suffering. It doesn’t excuse their behaviour, but if you want to change the toxic culture in your life, you must meet people where they are at.

So go past the masculinity. When they are being toxic, maybe it’s time to ask them if they are alright. After all, only people who are hurting inside behave like they are. Compassion will get you farther than conquering.

Perhaps they don’t listen to you. Perhaps many of these toxic people don’t want to change. It doesn’t matter if you help them or not. In your heart, you must always remember that the only people that cause harm in this world are those that are suffering themselves.

This distinction is paramount. You will stop seeing them as your enemy and start seeing them as someone who needs help.

With this shift in your core to help them rather than convince them, you will naturally seek real solutions.

Sometimes those solutions might mean cutting these people out of the environment because they refuse to change. Sometimes it might mean removing yourself even. Sometimes, the person will see how their hurt is hurting others and want to change.

The solution will always vary based on willingness – theirs to change and yours to help. How others are is out of your control 100%.

I cannot give you some catch all rules to manipulate people into being less toxic. The reality is they need help and often don’t even see it. There is no shortcut to helping people. Again the only real solution is to help, not convince.

Toxicity in this world will not change if we just create more rules and nonsense to force people to behave properly. The toxicity will merely shift into some other area. Stupid boundaries of gender have gotten us into this mess, more boundaries and rules will not clean it up, only transfer it.

We need consciousness to shift in people. That starts with you. Stop getting distracted by identifications of male and female and start seeing the root of the toxicity: their pain.

From there, how you act is up to you.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Independence

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I wish I was more independent in my life. I feel like I rely on others for things when I shouldn’t. You’re always talking of the answer being within and not without, so how do I switch from interdependence to independence?

With gratitude,

Independence Some Day

Dear ISD,

If you live in the physical world (which you do), there is no avoiding relationships.

In your life you have so many relationships – with your partner, your children, your siblings, your parents, your coworkers…it is inevitable that in life relationships will happen.

But let’s say you are a staunch spiritualist and have forsaken all manner of relationship. No spouse, no kids, no nothing. You are simply a fool if you think you are existing without a relationship to everything around you!

There are trees, water, sunlight, insects, birds, wind, damn near the whole existence! Are you telling me you don’t have a relationship with any of these?

Do you believe that you are somehow not dependent on so many things simply to exist? Where did this silly idea of being independent come from?

This is why I say in the physical sense you are unavoidably interdependent. But not just you, everyone is interdependent with so many things.

However, in terms of your inner experience, independence is absolutely possible. You don’t have to be interdependent with anything when it comes to how you choose to be.

To understand this more deeply we must look at relationships more deeply. Right now, you must realize that what you call a relationship is merely a process you have of squeezing your happiness out of others.

That may sound harsh, but it is the truth. And they are doing the same to you. Take a look at why you formed any relationships you have. You have only gotten a partner, started a family, made friends, etc, simply because you wanted your life to be more beautiful, more meaningful, did you not?

In other words, you have relationships because you felt your life was missing something and that would fill it.

But happiness is not something you squeeze out of your relationships with people. Happiness is a quality you bring to all relationships you have. If you are just simply happy of your own nature, then you don’t need to take anything from anyone.

If you are unhappy, you will only look for how to extract happiness out of every relationship. If you are happy of your own nature however, you will be able to share happiness with others. This is the difference between interdependence and independence.

There is nothing wrong with admitting you are interdependent. All of existence is supporting you right now, keeping you here. If suddenly the planet decided to stop spinning, say goodbye to any illusions of independence you have!

So for you to be alive right now in the physical world means you are interdependent. That is a blessing, not a burden. It is a blessing because even though you rely on so much for your existence, you always have the freedom to make yourself however you want to be.

Right now you are a slave to your interdependence. You give just about damn near anyone the power to choose your internal state. Someone says something nasty, you become hurt. Someone says something pleasant, you become joyful. When you are like this, there can never be any question of being independent, can there?

If you can choose how you want to be no matter what happens, that is independence. Yes, you rely on so much to be here. But if any one of your relationships suddenly treats you differently, you are the same. They treat you nasty, same you. They treat you well, same you. They ignore you completely, same you!

Even if the whole world is acting nasty, you are still joyful within yourself. Their nastiness for sure affects your external life. But inside, who you are is unchanged. For you to become like this you need to start measuring how much of your inner experience is at the mercy of your external situations.

No external thing should ever dictate how you are inside. You are the only force that can dictate that. So be interdependent without, independent within.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Saving the Planet

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

It seems so difficult today to not have an impact on the world. Basic things I do seem to have far reaching implications. I need to drive to go to work but putting gas in my car destroys the planet and affects warring countries I never think of. I can name 1000 examples like this. Everywhere I turn there is evidence that simply working, eating, sleeping, anything I do is harming the planet and others! It all seems so hopeless. Any advice?

Sincerely,

Deep Impact

Dear DI,

Of course everything you do has an effect. You think you are somehow the exception to causality? If you want to live in this universe anyway, you cannot escape cause and effect.

Your problems are not as complex and intricate as you make it out to be. Either your actions are leaving the world better than you found it or not, isn’t it? This is the only causality you need to concern yourself with.

“But True Self, society has set us up to fail!”

It doesn’t matter if society is not making it easy for you. This isn’t about the planet or the harm you are causing in the world. This is about your life. Do you want to be in charge of your life or not?

If you are a compulsive human being, you just mindlessly go about your business. In the name of survival, you justify all of your actions, no matter how destructive. And survival is the greatest compulsion you have.

So every person, yourself included, will just throw their hands up defeated. You will tell yourself you are just one person, you can’t possibly make an impact. Every other person does the same, and now we have a monumental problem don’t we?

You see, there is always a larger vision at play. Your compulsion to survive is the default vision. The vast majority shares this vision. So in the name of survival, we will do anything.

That is the world that we work towards, and is what we have created. Just take a look around. Every aspect of our survival is so organized, so convenient, yet at great cost to future generations.

There’s nothing wrong with survival. It’s just that far too much importance is put on it.

If enough people worked towards leaving this planet better than they found it, then a new vision is formed. What vision is better, the compulsive one we have now that is unsustainable, or a conscious one of sustainability?

I’m not going to give you advice on how to gas your car without impacting the planet, or to be a vegan or some other such script to live by. You must open your eyes and understand something:

You are the planet.

You are not from the planet or of the planet. You took a loan in the form of a body, and the earth will reclaim you at some point. Whatever harms the planet is harming you, directly and indirectly.

It is just that you are so out of touch with this reality. Too much time away from nature has skewed you. You think you are your career or your relationships or your hobbies. No, you are this very planet!

You cannot have your cake and eat it to. If society is setup in such an unsustainable way, you must find a sustainable way. If one doesn’t exist, help create it. There is no shortage of people willing to help on this planet. After all, they too are the planet.

Causality links us all to each other. Every piece of life on this planet is the planet. Every rock, every tree, every bird, every lake, every molecule of air, every person, everything! Anything you do impacts everything else. This is unavoidable.

So how do you want to be? If you don’t start consciously choosing, you will by default harm this planet. That is the system we have created. But if you are conscious, you will weigh your choices more thoroughly. You will be less likely to do harm and more likely to leave things in a better state for all.

All humans on this earth should care about the actions they perform. Ignorance, either willfully or otherwise, is doing tremendous harm in this world.

This isn’t about being flawless. This is about doing what you can. Wherever you are at, whatever you are willing to do to leave this planet better than you found it, you must do.

You can never avoid the impact you have, and that’s a good thing. It will keep you honest, keep you accountable. If you can take anything from your question, it should be this much, that you are responsible for your actions.

No more blaming how hard it is – the time to choose has come. Either pop your head back into the sand and leave things worse for others, or pull it out and change what is within your ability to change.

We all have the potential to do so much good in this life, but it will never happen until you choose the kind of person you want to be – compulsively scared of your survival or consciously creating a better world.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Focus

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

How can I be more focused? I find I have a hard time keeping my attention on any one thing. Either I get distracted or my mind wanders or I get bored. Especially for things like meditation or chores or repetitive tasks at work I can’t for the life of me stay focused. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Focus Pocus

Dear FP,

It is the nature of the mind to wander. Most people associate themselves very strongly with their mind. But the mind is not who you are.

Look at it this way, if your mind is in charge, who is in charge of the mind? There is something else within you that is the source of everything you call as “you” or your identity.

But don’t start hallucinating and saying,

“I am god, I am the source of everything!”

This isn’t about making up some nonsense you haven’t yet experienced. Just look at it logically.

Your mind is just a bunch of info and experiences you’ve accumulated. If we took away all those, your identity would be gone, but you would still exist. There must be something else within you that is beyond the mind. No need to give it a name.

Why am I talking about all this mind and beyond and what does it have to do with focus?

Once you suspect that you are more than your mind, you can make a very important distinction. The mind is no longer you, it is just a tool you have. Best to learn how to use that tool, or else it will use you!

It is important to start distancing yourself from your strong identification with your thoughts. What I mean by this is is to start witnessing rather than try to control your thoughts.

Trying not to think about something will not work, in fact, it will only intensify what you are trying to avoid. Just observe them, whatever they are, and let them pass.

At first this will be difficult. But as many times a day as you can, especially when doing things that challenge your focus, try to just witness your thoughts rather than get lost in them. If you find yourself drifting out of focus, just gently bring your focus back to what you are doing, not to what the mind is doing.

Let’s say you are entering data in a spreadsheet at work. Anyone can see how this could be an extremely dull task. But it is also an opportunity for you to be present. When the mind wanders, obsessing about the past or fantasizing about the future, just come back to what you are doing, as often as you can remember to.

Make a meditation out of such tasks. Feel the sensations, ground yourself in the moment.

It is important to note that any repetitive task you do will become dull. Without conscious effort into experiencing the moment, without the necessary focus, you will become complacent, bored. Even practicing things as I have described will be a slow process unless you are dedicated to your own growth.

Even I can realize how unsatisfying this all sounds. For all the talk about the mind, I haven’t truly given an easy way to stay focused.

First, it’s important to experience being the witness of your thoughts. Otherwise focus is impossible; you will endlessly sabotage yourself. So first practice being that witness. Now, we can enter into an easier way to stay focused.

The mind is a fickle tool. Thoughts happen quickly and can turn on a dime. You can endlessly chase your thoughts, getting nowhere. Luckily, there’s another option.

Your emotions are far easier to use for your focus.

Emotions are just a different manifestation of thoughts. Thoughts happen instantly and leave just as fast. But emotions have a certain refractory period. Once you feel a certain way, it lingers.

We’ve all experienced this. You are annoyed with something. Maybe you realize you don’t want to be annoyed. But still, the feeling is there in you. It takes some time, some deep breaths, then you calm down and are no longer annoyed. But it’s not instant.

If you consciously use your emotion however, the same is true. Take that spreadsheet data again. But this time, focus your attention on your emotion. Choose how you want to enter that data. Perhaps you want to enter it joyfully, with gratitude, or with love.

Because of the way emotions tend to linger, it is far easier to focus on how you do something rather than what you are doing.

The mind is always concerned with what you are doing. The heart with how you do it.

Now, if you could choose in each moment of your life how you want to do anything, no matter what it is, what would you choose? Would you choose to have negative or unpleasant emotions? Of course you would choose the most pleasant experience for yourself.

The reality is you always have this choice. You may dress it up and blame your boss or your spouse or your neighbour for the way you feel right now, but in the end it is only within you that the feeling is happening. You manufacture it.

Most of the time, because your emotions are reactionary, you feel like something else is the cause. Just because you may not be skilled at feeling the way you want on command, doesn’t mean that you aren’t capable of doing so. It just takes practice.

So use the things that you have the most trouble with as opportunities to practice sweet emotions. Take the boring, repetitive, dull things you loathe and practice that sweetness. What have you got to lose, anyway you have to do these things, might as well do them in a way you enjoy, no?

The gist of what I am saying is you are responsible for your own happiness. Though you have asked about focus, this is really about how much you are enjoying your life.

Just be happy with the way life is. Hone how you want to be in each moment. What you do is irrelevant. Tell me, if you are enjoying doing something, does anyone have to give you tips on staying focused?

So the key to your focus lies in having a pleasant experience. Find the joy in everything you do, because it truly is a blessing to be alive to experience anything. From there focus won’t be an obstacle.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Emptiness

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

Sometimes I feel like I’ve only got so much room in my mind for things I learn. Like there’s a hard-drive limit or capacity of sorts. I tend to remember the most useless information about tv shows or other distractions, but then have a hard time recalling important info.

How do I prioritize what I retain? How do I ensure I remember the useful stuff more often?

Sincerely,

Random Access Memory

Dear RAM,

You are a masterful recorder of information. First you must drop the notion that somehow you have a poor memory.

What you have is a lack of consciousness while simultaneously being too full of yourself. Time to switch the two: You need to be full of consciousness and lacking yourself.

Let me ask you, is your body and mind a gathering?

Your mind gathers impressions through it’s five senses, the body is just a gathering of food that you have consumed. In this way, the body and mind are always recording everything in your experience, in great detail.

The reality is that your body and mind are masterful at recording what you take in. Everything is being recorded and stored. You don’t always have the ability to recall that information immediately, but it is there.

So the issue isn’t with a poor memory. And it’s probably a good thing you don’t have immediate access to everything. Most people can’t even handle what little they do remember! Their minds are always driving them crazy, imagine being able to remember every little thing.

You ask about how to prioritize what you retain – you must first understand that when you are unconscious, you are incapable of prioritizing. If you are not present with what is happening in any given moment, tell me, how can you prioritize?

You may be walking past a fragrant rose but your mind is thinking about your next paycheque or your last paycheque or some other such nonsense. For sure the fragrance hits you, and your body registers it, but it’s not a priority for you in that moment.

Only if you move through life consciously will you have the ability to prioritize. But you are too full of your own dramas!

Being conscious in any moment gives you the power to choose how you want to be. If you are compulsive, you have no choice and are just operating based on all the bull you’re full of.

If you’re conscious you can choose to become empty – this is a must if you want to receive any thing this universe has to offer.

You are the most receptive when you are empty. Let’s say you have a jar full of sand. I tell you I will fill your jar with money. How much sand would you want in that jar before I start filling it?

Obviously, an empty jar is the best jar for receiving money. In this same way, existence is constantly giving you so much. It is giving you your very life! The air you breathe, the very life energies you need to exist are constantly being poured into you. If it weren’t so,  you couldn’t be here even for a moment.

When you make yourself empty like the jar, you become as receptive as possible. When in such a receptive state, nothing needs to be done. Just simply go and be wherever the information is you want to receive, and you will receive it.

I know you might be wondering how any of this will magically give you a better memory or better accessibility to your memory. The truth is, this isn’t about any of that.

In life you cannot just skip over steps. If you want to cook a stew, there are steps that have to be followed in a particular order. If you skip turning on the burner, definitely nothing is getting cooked.

Being totally empty, or at the very least as empty as possible, is like turning on the burner. It is a most basic, most necessary, fundamental step in receiving anything.

So before you start worrying about your memory, make yourself as receptive as possible by being as empty as possible. You will see that naturally you will take the next steps towards enhancing your perception and prioritizing what you retain.

Being full of yourself will only serve you to impress people with random information. It is a good entertainment, but it will not get you in touch with all you are capable of. Your memory is far more robust than you realize – emptiness is like a key that unlocks it.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Ego

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I try to do a lot of work on myself and spiritual growth is important to me. But I find that even though I know I should do things like be honest, gentle, kind, etc, my ego comes in and I start acting selfishly. The ego is always sabotaging me! How do I work on ridding myself of it?

Sincerely,

Leggo my Ego

Dear LME,

How the hell are you going to get rid of something that doesn’t exist?

People like to talk about ego on the spiritual path. It often feels like there is a true self underneath all that you are, and the ego is in the way of it. Your true self is there for sure, but this idea of the ego is something that you have invented.

Tell me, when something in your life goes the way you want, where is this ego? Is it there to receive credit for the good?

No, only when something doesn’t go the way you want, then suddenly the ego appears! Now you have a convenient target to dump unto. Ego is there so you can have someone to blame.

You see, what you call as ego is just a scapegoat. Why can’t you just be honest with yourself and take responsibility? It is you that is responsible for your life. That includes the good and bad, the ups and downs, all of it.

When you name all the bads and downs as “my ego”, then you’re just shirking responsibility. When you shirk responsibility, you remove any power you had to change it.

Take a look at this example – Let’s say you are walking down the street and see a piece of garbage on the ground. If you find a scapegoat for this garbage, you will never pick it up. You can blame the problem on people who litter, on the government, on just about damn near anyone. You take no responsibility, therefore you don’t have to do anything.

But let’s say instead you look at that garbage and say “this is my doing, I am responsible”. Now you have options. It’s not about blaming yourself; obviously you didn’t drop it there. But you are responsible in that moment for it being there. If you do nothing, it will still be there won’t it? You are complicit.

The litter is your responsibility the moment it came into your experience. Everything that happens in your experience is like this. Everything in your life is your responsibility.

Because the external world has easy targets to blame, scapegoating is simple. But inside, there’s just you, so you had to create some other person called the ego to put the blame on. Please see how you are just avoiding taking responsibility for your life.

I emphasize responsibility because you must understand that it is the first most basic step towards making life the way you want it. You should take responsibility for everything in this existence, only then will you work towards improving life for everyone.

But more important than that is taking responsibility for your internal world. No more bullshitting yourself with the ego. If you are in a bad mood, it’s your responsibility. If you’re feeling challenged, it’s your responsibility. No matter what, your life is your responsibility and yours alone.

If you really must give a name to what is inside you, just call it your identity. But your identity includes everything that you call as you: your relationships, your titles, your roles, your job, your hobbies. It isn’t like the convenient ego that is only the bad stuff.

If you want to get to the truth of who you are, you must drop your identity. This doesn’t mean just the challenging stuff that you don’t like. It means your whole identity. All of it, even the “good stuff”.

When you strip away every last bit of your identity, what is left will be something that requires nothing of you. The source of who you are. It is total, it is complete.

Don’t go on endlessly categorizing yourself. Putting things in the pro and con bucket, calling the con bucket the ego, then trying to destroy the ego. What a waste of time and a silly game.

The game of the ego is just a trap for you to feel like you are spiritually growing but in reality you’re just avoiding the real work of dropping it all.

If you want to be your true self, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. It’s a fire sale: everything must go!

Let’s start by dropping the ego. There’s only you in there. If there’s two people inside you, then it’s time to see the psychiatrist isn’t it? Trust me, one person is enough to deal with, you don’t need two!

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Lying

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I have a bad habit of lying. They are little lies here and there, mostly harmless. But I have found that sometimes I will lie even though the truth would not have been that difficult to share. I just lie to avoid any potentially uncomfortable situation and now I feel like I can’t stop. Help!

Sincerely,

Sweet Little Lies

Dear SLL,

If you are someone who has managed to frequently lie and receive no consequence, it only makes sense to do so. After all, often lies can get us many things in life. If the lies hadn’t worked for you at some level, you wouldn’t be telling them at all.

This is part of the problem – often times, lying works. But it will never satisfy you.

You have three main ways you can express yourself – through thoughts, words, or actions. If your thoughts, words, and actions are not in alignment, you are not living a harmonious life.

When I say harmonious, I’m not talking about some esoteric abstract concept. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and energetically, you will feel imbalanced if you do not have harmony in thought, word, and action.

Don’t practice lying. That is what is happening every time you tell a lie. Practice thinking, speaking, and acting in truth.

What is truth?

The truth never requires any effort. The truth exists whether you manage it or not. Take gravity. It exists whether you believe in it or not, doesn’t it?

Lies on the other hand always require effort. If you don’t keep the plates spinning for a moment, they come crashing down. Constant attention is needed only on lies.

So to put it really simply: If it takes your management, it’s a lie. If it happens whether you manage it or not, it’s truth.

If you can start thinking honestly, you can start speaking honestly. If you can start speaking honestly, you can start acting honestly. This is a much better practice.

It will be difficult at first, catching yourself when you’re lying. The hardest lies aren’t the ones we are telling to others, they are the ones we tell to ourselves. Countless ways we lie to ourselves to avoid pain and suffering.

Please see that the source of all your lies is just your fear. You are afraid to truly know yourself, because if you did you would see how much of you is based on absolute lies.

This is the crux of it all. The biggest lie is you. What you call as you is not who you are.

Most people define themselves by their relationships or their accumulations. What if we took away all your titles – father, mother, sister, brother, son, daughter, wife, husband…if we took away all your clothes, the way you style your hair, your house, your car…

Underneath all these narrow and restrictive ways you define yourself is the true you. Life never gave you any labels. When you were born, you didn’t pop out with a sticker that said you were a baby or an artist or a whatever. No, what is you cannot be labeled as any one thing.

That is because what you are is unlimited potential, always.

When your whole identity is a lie, it is only natural to lie with your thoughts, your words, your actions. But it is time to start being honest with yourself.

The truth is your life is totally your making. It always has been. You can make something beautiful out of it if you are conscious. If you are unconscious, you will just compulsively make up some lie and call that lie you.

You can be anything you want in this life. Why be a liar?

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Destiny

~ SE ~ 1 Comment

Dear True Self,

Is there such a thing as destiny? Or is everything just chance? Sometimes I feel like my very thoughts can manifest things in my life, and my fate is in my hands. Other times, it feels like no matter what I do it doesn’t matter, my fate is already decided. Who’s in control of my destiny, me or some higher power or luck?

Sincerely,

Undecided on Destiny

Dear UOD,

If I took you to a psychic today, would you want to know your future? If fate is really out of your hands, then everything they say will come true no matter what you do. So either you will do nothing expecting everything to happen, or you will do everything to stop it from happening just to prove the psychic wrong.

Neither of those options will put destiny in your hands.

What you are calling as destiny or fate is not some supernatural guidance. You are confusing an accidental way of existing with your destiny.

Sometimes, even by accident, good things can happen you know? Then you say it’s your destiny. When it’s bad, then it’s god’s will – either for you to excuse your role in it or to blame it on someone who can’t come and defend himself. In short, destiny is a convenient scapegoat.

If you are living unconsciously, then life happens largely by accident for you. But just because you are unconscious does not mean life is randomly happening. Your body and mind are constantly following a script. You are just unaware of the script.

If you honestly asked yourself how much of your experience in the past 24 hours has been entirely your doing, you would see 99% of it has been unconscious. Even if you aren’t actively doing it, the body and mind are constantly interpreting everything you experience.

Even now, as you sit and read this – so many sounds, so many sights, so many smells…there is so much stimulus that your body and mind are registering. Tell me, are you consciously doing all of it? Half of it? No, you are doing almost none of it.

So when your life is functioning like this, relying on it’s own programming script, then your life is out of your hands. You are just operating based on your tendencies, your patterns, your habits, your genetics, whatever. You are an accidental human.

But to be human means that we above all other creatures on this planet have the unique faculty to be conscious of our existence. We can choose our experience consciously the way no other life on this planet can. With this great gift, the vast majority of humanity still chooses to be compulsive.

It’s not about destiny or chance, fate or god’s will – it’s just are you going to choose how you want your life to be or not? If you don’t choose, then life has it’s own rules that you just follow. But if you want to take control of your own life, then the rules no longer use you – you can use the rules to create the life you want.

Don’t confuse your life worrying about destiny or fate. There is only action. And every action has a consequence. We cannot control the external actions – the weather, our coworkers, our family, etc. But definitely no matter what the external situation, you can make something out of it, can you not?

If life gives you something good, you make something out of it. If life gives you something challenging, especially then you make something out of that also. But if no matter what life gives you spend your time worrying about fate vs chance, then you are surrendering the very thing that makes you human.

So it is up to you. Do you want your life to be in your hands? Do you want to explore the full depth and breath of what it means to be human? Then it is time to take full responsibility for your entire life.

Everything that happens within you and around you is your experience. No one else is experiencing it the way you do. Even if someone else has the same experience, they experience it different than you do they not? Therefore no matter what happens in your life, it is entirely your choice how you want to be. It is entirely your making, always.

It’s time to stop making excuses for your life. If you are not the way you want to be, stop waiting for destiny. Your time is now. You are the only one who can make your life beautiful.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Regret

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I have so many regrets in my life. So many times I have failed, said or done the wrong thing, hurt people. So many times I have sabotaged my own life or not taken opportunities. It’s so hard to move forward with all this regret, and I know that I will have more regrets as time passes. How can I break this cycle?

Sincerely,

Bets on Regret

Dear BOR,

There is some good news. Regret means that intuitively you realize something very fundamental. It is the most obvious truth about life that most people spend their whole life denying. You are lucky because regret means that you see this truth, even if only at an unconscious level.

What is this truth? It is quite simple really. You have realized the most basic and overlooked fact about life:

You are mortal.

If you lived forever, would there be any question of regret? No matter what happens, you would always have a second chance. Time is not limited for you if you are immortal, so it doesn’t matter how much you fail, how much you err, how many opportunities you miss…there will always be a tomorrow.

But you don’t live forever. So every time life doesn’t happen the way you want, you feel regret.

If you’re delusional and think you’re immortal, regret would rarely show itself to you. You might think this is a silly thing to say, who after all thinks they will live forever?

It’s not that people believe they will live forever. They just act as though life has somehow guaranteed them that tomorrow they will be here. There is no such guarantee. They don’t understand the preciousness and value that is the life they have right now, in this moment. If they did, when it is wasted, they would of course feel regret.

So there’s the good news. Regret is evidence you are not delusional about your mortality!

Before you get too excited, there’s one small catch: You are not consciously aware of this. If you were conscious of your mortality, meaning that you understand at a deep level that life does not guarantee you more time – you would not waste a damn second on regret, you would only work on making your life beautiful.

Life has given you an expiry date, only you don’t know when it is. So regret becomes a compulsive reaction to when life doesn’t go according to your preference. You’re going to die. This isn’t to be morbid. It’s a a wake up call. Stop regretting and start living.

It’s not about fearing death as a motivation to live. It’s about appreciating the life you have.

If you observe life, you will see that nothing ever really dies. What you have identified as you dies, but life always goes on. There is no death. There is only life becoming more life.

Sometimes Disney gets it right you know? It’s the circle of life! The physical form dies, but only to become something new. Then that new thing dies to become something else. And so will you. It is inevitable.

For another perspective, how many things died, have continued to give their life, for you to be here in this form? From every breath you take to the food you consume, in how many countless ways did something give itself to become you? You have a responsibility to live life as full as you can.

Have you ever heard the saying,

“Live each day like it’s your last”?

The saying isn’t about suddenly panicking and draining your life savings. It just means that whatever is happening in life, you make the most of it! The only obstacle to you living the life you want is you.

This is really the deepest form of regret. Not that which we tried at and failed – failure is our greatest teacher. No, people regret most of all that they didn’t do.

How many times have you made excuses to live life the way you wanted? Decided not to learn that language, go to that gathering, take that class, talk to that person…essentially how many times have you avoided doing things that you truly wanted to do?

I know I have made it sound so simple, to just live the life you want. You may be wondering how you will magically know how to act if you just realize you are mortal. It’s not about knowing what to do. It’s about knowing how to be. If you remember your life is precious, gratitude is inevitable.

Gratitude is like a key – it opens many doors in your life. Be grateful for the life you have now, in this moment, whatever that moment looks like. With this one small practice, regret will just fall away, I promise.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Patience

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I am a very impatient person. I hate waiting and if something doesn’t happen right away for me I tend to drop interest. How do I learn to be more patient?

Sincerely,

The Impatient Patient

Dear TIP,

Patience is a misleading term.

Have you ever seen how a child behaves when told to be patient? The antsyness, the fidgeting – they become like a ticking time bomb! This is what patience tends to look like, and not just in children. Often when adults say they are being patient they are just hiding those same qualities. You know this to be true for you as well. You claim patience, but it is just a lie.

If you practice patience in this neurotic manner, only impatience will grow – please see this. What you are calling patience is actually your impatience.

You have become so fixated with the outcome that you go crazy waiting for it to arrive. If it doesn’t arrive or looks like it isn’t going to, then you’re out! And who can blame you, you’d have to be an idiot to want to stay in such a neurotic state.

So you play this game of being “patient” – which is just you sitting and fighting as your impatience grows. The more you fight, the more it grows. The more you wait, the more you can’t wait any longer.

You’re accomplishing the opposite of what you are seeking – rather than becoming more at ease, more at peace with the process, you are just becoming increasingly more frustrated with it.

If you are to stop this vicious cycle, you must understand what true patience looks like.

Patience is not about waiting for something to happen. Patience is just simply about waiting.

Waiting is a certain quality you embody. You don’t wait for anything. You don’t wait for some result, some outcome. You just wait. If you do not learn this distinction, you will be missing out on the whole process.

But True Self, what’s the point of waiting around, if not for something?

Let’s say you are trying to grow vegetables in a garden. You are starving, and you want the vegetables now. If you approach it like this, with your impatience leading the charge, salivating in agony, will that make the vegetables grow any quicker?

Everything takes it’s own time. You must do the work necessary. In your vegetable garden, you must ensure the proper soil conditions are maintained, there is sufficient sunlight and water, etc. Then, you simply wait. You wait, and you watch, you listen. When it is time to step in to keep the growth on track, you do so.

But when you become concerned only with what you are getting and how to get it quickest, you become a lousy gardener. A lousy gardener means a lousy garden.

This isn’t about gardens and vegetables though. The garden is you, the vegetables are the experiences of your life! Do you want to be a lousy gardener or a masterful one?

We live in such a results driven society. People have short attention spans, they want satisfaction immediately. But this is not the way life is, and life will not let you get away with it. Even if on the surface some things seem to happen immediately, it is not true. You just aren’t seeing the deeper process that is always at play.

You must examine this universe and see how it operates. Observe the way the planet spins, the way rain falls and evaporates, the way you turn food into your very body! If you pay even a moment of attention, any fool can see that there is always a process to get from one place to another.

There are no shortcuts, only people who fail to see the meticulous process at work. It doesn’t matter what you are talking about in this existence, no expression of this universe happened without a process. From the smallest subatomic particles to the largest galaxies and all in between, the life process was at work.

So you must learn to wait. Not to have impatience masquerading as patience. Not to give a shiny label to your neurotic way of waiting. Drop the idea of getting a result. Drop the idea of receiving anything. Instead, you just give your undivided attention to what is happening right now.

Admit that you don’t know what is happening in this moment. Look at it with eyes that are happy to wait. Be at ease and see the beauty of the process at play. Who knows what it will grow in your garden? But if you would rather keep up your facade of patience, then you will miss out on more than you can imagine.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Love

~ SE ~ 2 Comments

Dear True Self,

I am very lucky and have many wonderful people in my life. I love them dearly, but sometimes I still get frustrated with their actions. When things are good I feel great love. When things are challenging I almost want nothing to do with them. How do we practice love always, unconditionally?

Sincerely,

Conditional Love

Dear CL,

Love is not something you do. Love is something that you are.

What you are calling love is not love. Though you may have many pleasant feelings towards people in your life, what you have is a reward and punishment system. If expectations are met, you reward with loving acts and feelings. When your expectations are not met, no love. Tell me, does that sound like love to you?

You mentioned loving unconditionally. This often becomes some big burden or endeavour in people’s minds. It’s not some big puzzle to be solved. The only way to love is unconditionally!

First you must realize that simple truth. Then you will see what you are calling love is only a shadow or a whisper of the real thing that you employ only when it suits you. Love can only be unconditional. Anything that is conditional is not love.

Love is like a fragrance. When a jasmine flower blossoms, it gives off a sweet and beautiful aroma. It doesn’t decide,

“This person is a good person so they get my aroma, that person is nasty so they can have a nasty aroma…”

Doesn’t the whole idea of selectively exuding the perfume sound ridiculous? The flower has blossomed. It has gone through much to bloom into this beautiful piece of life. To give off the fragrance is a natural consequence of a certain unfurling, a certain transformation. Once that blossoming happens, the fragrance will come out no question.

You must make yourself in such a way that you look upon everything with love. Then you will exude love in every encounter, in every endeavour. You exuding love is not dependent on who is receiving it any more than the jasmine flower. You exude love simply because you have blossomed. Loving thoughts, loving words, and loving actions will be natural consequences of your transformation.

You are asking about how to act lovingly when you are bothered by other’s actions. Let’s be real, it’s not about love. What you need is more patience, more perspective, less attachment, etc. That is what you should be working on. That is the soil from which love can bloom. If you want the fragrance, you must work in the filth to grow.

I don’t want to make it sound as though you have never felt love in your life, or that every act you have done lovingly is somehow a lie. These acts have most likely come from a very loving place. The issue is that you have sullied them with so many expectation and rules.

Let’s say you have a child. You look at the child with such love and adoration. You have become attached to your child. Because it is your child, you feel it is some pure form of love. I am saying why can’t you have that love for other children? For other adults? For yourself? Have love for all life!

The reason exuding love is so difficult for you is because you have too many preferences. You love this thing more than that thing. You have so many rules to your love. If you want to be more loving, then you need to be all inclusive. You need to see that you are capable of loving every single atom in this existence the way you would love your own flesh and blood.

Expand your definition of what deserves your love. Look at a leaf with the love you gaze upon your child with. Look at someone who annoys you with the same love. Look at as much life as you can with that same quality. Don’t reserve love and hoard it, saving it only for a select few. Let it explode forth like the jasmine flower’s fragrance, in every direction!

You are afraid that if you aren’t selective with your love, somehow you are enabling those who wrong you, or people will take advantage of you, or that they don’t deserve it. You loving everything has nothing to do with them. You are cultivating your fragrance. If you become picky and choosy, nothing will take root.

There is a difference between how you are within and the actions you take in the world. To look upon even the most annoying person with love doesn’t require you to do anything with them. You don’t have to say a word to them even. You don’t even have to be near them. You just love them. That’s it.

You can communicate to them your frustrations, you can cut them out of your life, you can befriend them – none of that changes the fact that you are capable of loving them exactly as they are.

When love bursts forth from you in this way, including everything and everyone, it transforms into a higher form – compassion. You feel what you once only reserved for a select few for all of life. Love should always grow like this, infinitely expanding and encompassing all.

After all, what would you rather have – select moments of love, or the highest possibility of love in your life?

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Punishment

~ SE ~ 1 Comment

Dear True Self,

You often speak of turning inward rather than outward. Practicing kindness to others, being pleasant…But aren’t there times when we should turn outward? I’m thinking about all the people that do horribly cruel things in the world. If we just turn inward aren’t we  letting them get away with it all? What’s the use of turning inward if we never punish people for wrongdoings. How will they learn?

Sincerely,

And Justice For All

Dear AJFA,

There is a difference between how you respond and what action you take in the world. First, we must establish this difference if we are to delve into what punishment people deserve.

When I say respond, I don’t mean what you say or do. You always have one simple choice in life – either to live it consciously or compulsively. In other words, to respond or react.

When you react you are just running on programming. Your life is not in your hands.

When you respond, you choose how you want to be in the moment. Your life is in your hands. Maybe you wish to be joyful in this moment, but are struggling. That is fine. You have brought consciousness into it, and now you can do the work it takes.

But if you just react, you are rolling the dice with your life. Merely waiting for happy times and trying to avoid the hard times. Life will not let you get away with such a stupid way of being.

So now let’s look at your question. You see something cruel happening in the world. How do you want to respond to that? Do you want to feel empathy? Do you want to be part of the solution? Do you want to help? If you don’t go inward first, all these doors will be closed to you.

Instead let’s say you go outward first. You see that same cruel thing happening. But now you immediately turn to thoughts of who should be punished. You want someone to pay the price. You no longer care about helping the situation or solving anything, you are only concerned with pinning the blame. Now someone gets punished, you think justice has been served.

Tell me, how many people have been punished for their crimes? For murders, for rapes, for wars, for just about everything. Has it eliminated any of it?

“But True Self, being part of the solution and punishing those responsible don’t have to be mutually exclusive. Shouldn’t we do both?”

Except the vast majority of people will not do both. Look around you and within yourself. How many times have you seen something unfair or unjust happen in your lifetime? How many times have you immediately thought of who to punish instead of offering to help?

This isn’t about holding hands and singing kumbaya and ignoring the problems that are out there. This is quite the opposite. If the problems of today are going to be solved, we need more action oriented people do we not? Punishment is a distraction from the real work that you could do!

Turning inward is the only way you will see all the ways you are uniquely qualified to help in this world. Every individual is capable of doing such great things, if only they stopped projecting everything outward and just did the work necessary within themselves.

What work is that you ask?

People are afraid to move through life with full involvement. We want to help, but we make so many excuses to stop or to not even start at all. If you can look within yourself and remove the obstacles, then you can start walking your life with full force, without hesitation. It is only these types of people who are accomplishing anything in today’s world.

So let’s say you turn inward and become part of the solution instead of the problem. Now let’s look at the nature of punishment and when if at all to apply it.

The reality is we as a society agree on certain rules. When those rules are broken, we have some punishment laid out. This is fine in theory, but there is no greater punishment than that which we give ourselves.

Life is organized in such a way that everything has a consequence. While some people may seem to get away with the most horrific acts, the reality is their acts have consequences. Sometimes those consequences ripple outwards and cause even more harm to others and the world. But just as everything ripples outwards, so does it ripple inwards.

So even if a person feels no accountability at all for their actions, it doesn’t matter. It’s not about them feeling bad about what they did or being punished. It’s not about some god giving out punishment or reward. Just realize that life is made so that every action has an effect. No person can act cruelly in this world without it having internal consequences.

This is why I am always saying to turn inward, to choose the way you want to be. Life responds to you always, without exception.

The more you choose pleasantness within, the more your life will start to reflect that. The more unconscious you are, the more you shirk accountability, the more reactive you become – the farther away your potential is.

It may not always seem like it, but trust me when I say the saddest thing that can happen to a person is to never experience the true nature of their existence.

Don’t be so concerned with punishment or reward. It is just a stupid game you play to avoid taking action in your life. That avoidance is punishing you, right here, right now.

It is true there are many injustices in the world today. You would have to be an utter fool to not see it. But it is also true there are billions of people who are capable of helping. Please see it is not truly punishment you are after, it is just a better world.

If the world is to become a better, more peaceful place, we must first make the people better and more peaceful. Our world is just a reflection of who we are inside.

Quit making excuses and embrace turning inward!

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Vulnerability

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I get taken advantage of in life constantly. It’s led me to become very weary and cautious of people and situations. I find myself wanting to just avoid or protect myself from difficult situations. I’ve been vulnerable in the past and it just has caused me so much heartache. Still I’m tired of walking around on eggshells in life all the time. How can I stop being taken advantage of and live my life?

Sincerely,

Disadvantage Point

Dear DP,

What you are asking is impossible. There is no way to be cautious and live life fully. You will only ever be half in, half out.

Do you know how torturous it is to go swimming in a cold lake by only dipping your body in inch by inch? This is what exercising caution is like. You want to swim, but are afraid of the cold water. Rather than dive in totally, you make it into a long and drawn out endeavor. By the time you get in, if you get in at all, the whole process was so unpleasant you will either vow never to try again or you will jump out after not that long.

You say you are being taken advantage of. Indeed, it can feel awful being used. When someone uses you without your consent, that is the worst feeling. Most people consider rape to be a more horrific act than murder. This is simply because you are being forced to endure something you didn’t agree to, and have to live with the aftermath.

Why am I saying all this?

You see, when anything happens to you in life that you didn’t do willingly, it can feel like you are being raped in a way. Your willingness is the only difference between something being rape or not.

Am I trying to say you just roll over to all your bullies and transgressors in life, becoming a willing participant? No, I am saying that the more willing you are in life, the less you will feel the victim.

In a way, life is always taking advantage of you. But not just you. All life takes advantage of all other life. The trees take advantage of your carbon dioxide. You take advantage of their oxygen. But this way of viewing it is a bit narrow. It’s not that you are at a great loss because you let out what they need to breathe. And neither was it a great loss for the trees that you took what you needed.

This is just the nature of life. Sometimes, we are giving. Other times, we are receiving. But tell me, even if right now every tree is exuding oxygen, if you hold your mouth and nose pinched shut, will you get any?

Or let’s say you were afraid to breathe in. For some reason, you have become scared and it has made you cautious of all trees. So you only breathe in the bare minimum, paranoid of what may go wrong. Doesn’t it sound ridiculous?

The truth is, vulnerability is the only way out of your fear. The answer is not to close yourself off more. The answer is not to find some way to be cautious and somehow involved. Those two are not congruent. There is no middle ground for life. You must be all in!

Let me put it this way: How alive you feel in any given moment is equal to how involved you are. Isn’t it that the less involved you are, the less alive you feel? Caution is the path to less involvement, less aliveness.

“But surely true self we must be careful of our survival! We can’t all just go on living with reckless abandon for our safety”

You need to realize that your safety is very rarely ever at risk. We are not fighting for our food and shelter in jungles full of tigers anymore. This is not to say we are never at risk. In fact, your life is never a guarantee. There are no guarantees. This is why being vulnerable is all the more important.

Because life has not guaranteed you anything except that you will die someday, you must learn to live this life as fully as possible.

Deep inside you believe that you will somehow live a long time. You think there is time to be cautious and live inch by inch because you don’t understand that you are mortal. I am telling you to wake up, there is no time except what you have right now.

Sometimes life throws us extremely difficult situations. Sometimes it appears others are to blame for it even. But the external is never within your control. Things will happen. That is life. What you make of it is the only question. If you are willing to be involved, your life has potential. For that you need vulnerability. But if all you want is safety, then caution is the way, but it will fail you in the end.

A seed is made that it can survive almost anything. It can fall from great heights, get run over, become buried…it can endure so much! So resilient. But only if it stays as a seed.

If the seed wants to become the flower, it must drop its hard shell. It must throw caution to the wind and decide to endure unknown difficulties. The soil will be dark, the bedrock hard, the light absent! If it only stayed the seed it could even survive a millennia. But it would never know it’s potential that way.

So the seed chooses vulnerability. To be vulnerable takes courage. Yes, it means you can be taken advantage of. But just as the sprout turns literal shit into a flower’s fragrance, so too can you turn what life gives you into your own beautiful experience. Tell me, would the seed ever become the flower without all that shit? Without all that difficulty?

Being vulnerable does not mean that you seek out difficulty in life, or become some pushover. It means that you realize that unless you are open to all life gives, including the difficult parts – you will never blossom, never realize your true potential.

Believe me when I say you are uniquely beautiful with something no one else has to offer. Caution may give you a long, safe life. But only vulnerability will teach you the quality of your life means far more than the safety of it.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.