On Rejection

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I get rejected a lot, be it in social situations or romantic relationships. I don’t take rejection well and it’s affecting my mood, self worth, and I’m becoming more and more depressed and angry every time I face rejection. How can I stop feeling so rejected, and even better, how can I be more accepted?

Sincerely,

Rejected and Dejected

Dear RAD,

Absolutely no one is rejecting you. You are getting this silly notion that when things don’t go the way you desire, that you have been rejected. No, it’s just that there is no plan you can ever have that guarantees what you want.

Has there ever been a moment in your life where you could control all the variables and ensure the outcome you wanted? Even up until the last minute, even if it ultimately wound up going your way, it was never a for sure thing, was it?

Additionally, I want you to take a look at your behaviour. If you treat others in such a way that you ensure the outcome you want, that is the definition of manipulation. Is this truly how you wish to be, a manipulative person?

You see the real issue here is that whether you receive acceptance or rejection, if you behaved in a manipulative way to get it, then it will always turn sour over time.

When you put your happiness in other people’s control, you are enslaving yourself. You want the attention of the person you admire or that man or woman you are attracted to. So they accept you and you feel great, they reject you and you feel lousy, but both ways you are a slave, aren’t you? You gave them total control over how you feel.

I am saying why are you putting your self worth, your self esteem, your very happiness into the hands of what you cannot control? Why would you give that power to someone else when you are the only one who can make that happen for you?

This endless cycle of acceptance and rejection will slowly eat away at you. Even if you received acceptance more than rejection, you would still be a prisoner, only the bars are made of gold. It’s not much of a difference, believe me. The moment you realize you are trapped, you will want out.

Take back your power. More importantly, take responsibility for your own life. Do not give anyone or anything else the privilege of deciding your worth, your mood, your being.

Make it so you are who you are by your design, by your choice! Make it so no matter what life gives you, you take it and you grow. This is the only way out of your enslavement.

I could sit here preaching to you about self acceptance and self love, but I am telling you even that is not necessary. If you are committed to your own growth, anyway you will wind up accepting and loving more and more as you grow. You do not need to work on it.

What you do need to work on is being committed to being conscious, taking accountability for the way you are!

If you ask that person out and they say no, you grow!

If you ask that person out and they say yes, you grow!

If you ask them out and they spit at you, laugh at you, cry, embrace you, run away…it doesn’t matter what they do, you grow!

This isn’t just some hallmark card philosophy, if someone rejects you it truly is a gift! It is a clear sign to move in a different direction, instead of wasting more of your precious life.

And if they accept you, it is not the end of the road for you! You have not made it and there’s no where to go. It is only the beginning. Do you see how it is all a gift if you stop wanting one outcome over the other?

If you make your life like this, that your commitment is unwavering, you won’t have to work on taking rejection better, or being more accepted or being more accepting. You will realize quite quickly that only by accepting all that life brings can you grow most quickly.

Once you start practicing accepting life the way it is, the acceptance goes both ways. As you accept life, you accept yourself, you accept others. Acceptance grows within you. Because it is not dependent on the situation or other people, it is stable.

I want you to understand that in this moment, everything in your experience is accepting you. It is welcoming you, it is cradling you in it’s lap. If the sun didn’t do this, if the sky didn’t do this, if the earth didn’t do this, where would you be?

Everything in this cosmos has included you, and yet you see it as rejection. You are totally included in this universe, even if it doesn’t feel that way. Stop focusing so much on the dramas of life and start to identify with the life process that is pouring into you in every moment.

Don’t waste your life caught in this game of acceptance and rejection! It is a losing battle either way. You may fool yourself from time to time, but overall you will feel unsatisfied, even if you get everything you ever desired.

Instead just be with this moment, the way it is. Don’t see things as bad or good, acceptance or rejection, up or down, easy or difficult! Just every moment for what it is:

Opportunity. Possibility. Unlimited potential.

That is the truth of your nature, of the power that you are giving away. Switch your narrative and stop worrying so damn much what other people think. Just take whatever they give you with grace and humility.

Life is your making.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise

On The Afterlife

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

Is there such a thing as heaven and hell? Is there an afterlife that we go to and does it matter what we do here?

Sincerely,

Happily Ever Afterlife

Dear HEA,

This word, afterlife, it means nothing. There is only life. There is no before or after life.

Birth and death are both parts of life. Whether you are alive or not is irrelevant, you cannot escape this universe, and everything in this universe is life. Whether it’s manifest or unmanifest, emptiness or creation, existent or non-existent – it is all life; I want you to understand this.

No, you are asking what happens after death. You want to know for sure where you will end up and if there are some rules you must follow in case there is a giant bearded man with some scales judging your actions, deciding whether you’ll go up or down.

You are asking me for some kind of insurance policy so you don’t end up in the bad place with the fire and brimstone.

First of all, even if I tell you definitely, a yes or no to this afterlife question, why should you believe me? More importantly, would believing me be the smart thing to do? I haven’t died and come back after all, I can’t tell you for sure!

There is only one way to know for sure, but you can’t come back from that!

So let’s just observe life and see. You think death is coming, that it is somewhere in the future. I am telling you that death is here. It has always been here. In every single moment of your life, death has been walking with you.

I am not saying that you popped out of the womb and started to decay since birth. Of course not. What I am saying is that the death process has never left you.

So many cells, so many microscopic life forms, so much you can see and cannot see, all going through it’s own lifespan. They are just hitched along to you for the ride, but they are all living their own reality, ignorant to the fact they are part of something much larger than themselves: you.

When they die, where do they go? If you just pay attention it doesn’t take much to figure out that life is just moving from one form to another. One form dies, then it becomes repurposed, evolving into the next form. Over and over, eternally, this is the life process.

In the same way, you are just a small part of a much larger creation, even if you can’t see it.

For too long you have believed you are a big deal in this cosmos, but I hope you realize you are a small nothing. Less than a nothing, you are a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of a nothing. Even our entire galaxy in this cosmos is a fraction of a nothing, and it is enormous!

It is much larger than you, and it too cannot escape this cycle of living and dying to be reborn. So what makes you think that somehow you are the exception and you will go to some special place called heaven or hell? Everything in this existence follows the cycle of birth and rebirth except you?

I am not talking about philosophies or reincarnation. It is more like recycling. You will be recycled. Because everything goes through this process. Coming from the source of creation and returning to the source of creation endlessly.

But all this talk of afterlife or recycling is not the point. You don’t need to project towards your deathbed. All this afterlife talk is an excuse for you to postpone living here and now.

In how many ways every day do you project into the future? Saying you’ll get to this later, or you can’t do this for some reason, or you’ll be unconscious now and figure out your true nature when you die.

All the afterlife represents for you is the ultimate postponement – If I didn’t do it in this life, well maybe there’s a chance I can do it in the next.

Tell me, if you couldn’t make a beautiful life here in this world, with all the time and experience you’ve been given, what makes you think you’ll figure it out when you die, a time and place where you have no experience?

What I am saying is stop distracting yourself with all this nonsense. It doesn’t matter if there is an afterlife or not. For sure you can say there is a life, the one you are living now!

And this life has very clear laws. Your actions matter. For every action there is a reaction. Everything you do reverberates inward and outward.

Heaven and hell are not places that come when you die. They are here right now in your life. You create your own heaven and hell every moment.

Every time your actions or inaction harm yourself, others, or the world, you are creating a hell, aren’t you?

Every time you strive to bring a little more peace, joy, beauty, and compassion into this world, you are creating heaven here on earth. It is truly this simple.

You live so unconsciously, so unaware, you are just moving through life a victim of circumstance. Whatever life throws at you becomes your reality. Sometimes you take it well and you are happy, sometimes it is a challenge and you suffer.

Being compulsive is easy, reacting to life is easy. You can sit there for 80 years imagining a heaven or a hell and avoid this life altogether. This is what most people are doing, in one way or another.

I want you to understand you need not believe some religious ideas to avoid life. Every time you choose not to be consciously present in this moment you are avoiding life. Please see this.

If you were conscious and present for even a single moment each day, you wouldn’t waste that moment being unpleasant. The simple truth that life is in your hands and heaven has always been in your capability to create will become obvious.

Just drop all this afterlife nonsense. You can worry about the afterlife when you are dead!

But while you are alive, do yourself and all of us a favour and be present with what is happening here and now.

The immensity of this moment is indescribable. It is beyond heaven or hell.

Whatever idea you have of heaven, not matter how fantastic – it is nothing compared to what exists for you in this moment, if you’d only practice being here.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise

On Stubbornness

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I can be really stubborn sometimes and refuse to change. How can I become more flexible?

Sincerely,

Stub Born This Way

Dear SBTW,

I want you to understand what stubbornness is. Essentially, it means that you have planted your stake into the ground and are not willing to move.

Tell me, are there certain situations where this is a useful quality?

The problem is not your stubbornness, the problem is your stubbornness is working against you, preventing your from growing. If it worked for you, you would not be complaining about it.

Let’s say you are stubborn when someone at your work tells you to do your job differently. You refuse, becoming defensive, and the situation becomes dramatic.

It’s so easy in a circumstance like that to just react. The thing about stubbornness is once it kicks in, it is almost impossible to undo. Have you ever tried to reason with a stubborn person who has made up their mind? You may as well beat your head against a brick wall!

So you are a slave to this reaction, and once you react it’s too late to change. But I want you to understand that you could just as easily choose to be flexible and adaptive. If you were as stubborn about being defensive as you were about your own personal growth, imagine how fast it would happen!

Why is it so much easier to choose to be angry, rigid, unwilling? Only because you have practiced it so much of course. How about you practice being stubborn in more useful ways, ways that actually serve you?

But the word stubbornness is loaded. You only associate it as a negative quality. When it is working for you, we may call it by different names.

Let’s say you are absolutely stubborn about meditating daily. You refuse to miss it. In this sort of scenario, your stubbornness is no longer stubbornness. It is discipline, consistency, focus. Essentially you are unwavering.

Can you imagine digging a well, but every time you dig a few feet, you change your mind and dig somewhere else? You will never find water this way. Only with consistent work in one focused direction will you know if your effort was worth it or not.

Like this you are digging a well within yourself to tap into your ultimate nature. But you keep on changing your mind. At the first sign of friction your stubbornness comes in and you drop your shovel and pout! Is this any way to progress?

You ask about how to be more flexible, but I want you to understand that if stubbornness is truly a practiced quality of yours, then being flexible will not help.

You will make a lot of talk about wanting to be flexible, but you know just as I do that if in a moment you want to be inflexible, then nothing is going to change that. So don’t waste time practicing flexibility.

You must shift your stubbornness so it serves you, then you will naturally be flexible.

The way to make this shift is to decide, right here and now. Use all that stubborn energy you have honed for years, and finally, today, make this one choice:

That your personal growth is more important than your defensiveness.

If you can make this one choice in this moment, then you have the power to stick to it better than most. Not everyone is as practiced as you are at being stubborn. There is power there. Channel it in this way, so that no matter what happens, you make the most out of the situation and grow!

Tell me, if you are unwavering and consistently stubborn about your growth, can any situation in life ever be a hindrance? If you have decided that your growth outweighs your reactions and compulsiveness, then even if you initially react defensively, you are not stuck. You have created a new river for that stubbornness to flow into so it doesn’t cause you to stagnate.

This is really not as complicated as you believe it to be. Simply put, can you avoid change?

Obviously, you cannot. Life will constantly be changing outside of you. But even within you, life is always changing. For as long as you live, you cannot avoid change, even if you sit by yourself like a recluse.

So what the heck is the point in being stubborn in any direction other than one that embraces change? Being stubborn and resisting change which is going to happen anyway? Doesn’t it sound so stupid to try to avoid the inevitable?

So embrace change. Accept that you may still react stubbornly. But decide right now that you want to grow and learn more than you want to be stubborn and stagnate. As you practice, the reactions will lessen, and you moving consciously through situations will increase.

When that happens, your growth will rise exponentially, and you will wonder how you were ever so stubborn in the first place.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise

On Being Considerate

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

Why does it matter how I treat others? Isn’t everyone supposed to be responsible for themselves? If you are on this spiritual path, shouldn’t your own self growth be the most important thing? As I grow more and more I feel like I don’t have time to be babysitting everyone’s reactions.

Sincerely,

Adventures in Babysitting

Dear AIB,

You are right.

Does that surprise you, that I agree with you?

I cannot argue with your logic. Everyone is responsible for themselves. It is not your place to take credit or blame for another’s actions anymore than they should for yours.

There is nothing stopping you from acting this way, with only your own self improvement as the singular focus. If you have to hurt or harm others to get there even I cannot argue with you. Life itself is like this, with one being feeding off another to live. It happens all the time.

You see, you can do whatever you feel you must do. It’s not an issue of morality or ethics, if you are truly committed to your own self growth you should have that sort of focus. Nothing will stop you from reaching it and you will do anything – this kind of commitment is paramount.

Instead of arguing with you I simply want you to understand something.

Let’s say all your dreams come true. After all your struggle and all the people you’ve hurt either through action or inaction along the way, you end up where you desire. At oneness, enlightenment, at your ultimate potential, god, whatever you wish to call it – you will realize that all that pain you caused was totally unnecessary.

You see, existence is hiding nothing from you. If you wish to explore the full depth of being human, there are no rules and regulations. All the rules you have made up are exactly that – you made them up.

If you decide you must hurt people to get where you need to, that will be your reality. It’s your choice. That’s your freedom. I am only asking why you would choose to add to the suffering of an already deeply troubled world.

To be one with this existence does not require anything. You have a lot of your own bullshit in the way, so you think it requires you dropping all that bullshit at any cost.

Along the way to dropping all your nonsense, you may do a lot of things, and justify much of it. But in the end, if you make it to that zenith, you will see you could have done all of this in a way that was more beautiful for yourself and everyone else and still got there.

I want you to imagine you are climbing a mountain. Now every once in a while, the mountain has some other mountaineers on it. They are going to slow, too clumsily, essentially they are slowing you down. Now you can either help them up, go around them, or cut their chords and then they are no longer an issue.

So what do you do? Do you start cutting all their chords, racing to the top? Tell me, what is the point of being one with existence if you are taking people out along the way as if they aren’t a part of this oneness? Do you really think that when you feel that oneness you won’t suddenly be flooded with the weight of all that harm you caused?

Anyway you will make it to the top of the mountain, but was it really necessary to hurt those people who were struggling just like you? They are your brothers and sisters in this journey, not your obstacle.

Similarly, does it serve you to go up the mountain as a basketcase? Stressed out, looking for a fight, ready to cause harm? Will that make the journey enjoyable for you or anyone else? It is already a difficult journey, why add to it’s difficulty? This is a surefire way to never make it to the top.

You could go up the mountain peacefully, calmly, joyfully! You could do anything you want with the other mountaineers, but at the very least you can leave them alone – this costs you nothing.

I am not talking about suddenly becoming some altruist. I am not talking about doing the right thing and helping everyone along the way. You do not need to do any such thing.

What I am saying is that this is about simply being considerate.

I want you to consider that every action has a consequence. You can never avoid this simple truth. Sometimes in life it may be necessary to take actions that aren’t so pretty. But what’s most important is how you are when you take said actions.

Is it not in your best interest to make life as beautiful for yourself and others as possible? Is it not in your best interest to leave this world better than you found it?

Do you somehow think that a part of you doesn’t go into everything you affect? Every time you interact with anything in your experience, a part of you is now gone, is it not?

Your very life energies are constantly exuding from you, and become reborn within everything they touch! Nothing is ever destroyed or lost, only transferred, transformed, transmuted.

So how you are when you act in this world truly matters. Everything you interact with is your legacy. If you can feel this deeply within you, you would never waste a moment harming anything any more than you already have. You would only harm when it is absolutely necessary.

Sometimes in life we are presented with people who challenge us. You act according to the situation. That is fine. That is the smart thing to do. But that should never be your focus.

You be considerate at the very least. If you are wise, you will be kind to all, making your legacy that everything that every came into your experience was better off for meeting you.

Understand that your actions affect everything around you and act in consideration of that affect. This is not because you owe anyone anything, it is simply because anyway your actions have that affect, this way you get to consciously make that affect best for all.

And when you act in a considerate way towards others, it goes both ways. So too do you become a considerate being.

In other words, as you give it you receive it.

Take this advice or leave it, I cannot say that your way will not work. It very well may work. But I can guarantee this:

In the end, you will know deeply that your responsibility was always to walk this life with the utmost consideration for all.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise

On Time

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I don’t want to rush, and I don’t want to postpone. How can I know when the right time to act is?

Sincerely,

Time and Place for Everything

Dear TAPFE,

There is no right time to act. There is also no wrong time to act. There is simply and bluntly, only now.

This may not be a useful solution for you. I say it because perhaps it will stir you – make you realize your time on this planet is borrowed. That you are mortal, and the right time you keep rushing into or waiting for is not guaranteed.

Tell me, can you guarantee me that you will be here in one day, one hour, one minute, even one second? Life has not given you any such guarantees. The only thing you can say for sure is that you are here, now, in this indivisible moment.

If you can realize your own mortality, that will not only stop this whole game you are playing of debating when is the right to act – it will also inspire you to simply act.

You see, you are not truly asking me about how to know when to act. You are asking me how to control the outcome of your life. Life cannot be controlled. You can not manage your external situation 100%, not now, not ever.

What you can do is manage your internal self. You can make yourself into the kind of person who is vulnerable yet stable, strong yet kind, driven and passionate without losing exuberance! This is always in your control.

This is the only way to prepare for life. You prepare yourself, not the outside.

Every external situation will require a certain action. Depending on the circumstance, you must act accordingly. But this isn’t about trying to act in a specific way to guarantee an outcome. This is about how you are, who you are, when you perform that action.

You must learn to act. Just to simply act. Not to act to gain or avoid a result. Just act! Your life itself is one huge act.

But what is the point of acting if not for some outcome? The point is just that you are here, alive, right now! There is no greater outcome for you! Tell me, what is the most important thing happening in your existence right now? Is it not that you are alive and conscious and experiencing life?

The time for you to live is already ripe for you, there is no need to wait or rush.

All this right time to act is just a story you have told yourself to avoid involving yourself in life. Even though you know that how involved you are equates to how alive you feel, still, you cling to this story.

Whether you are postponing or rushing is just an illusion. Tell me, does each action you perform not have a consequence, a reverberation? Is there any way to act in this life where you can avoid causality?

Of course that is a stupid question of me to ask. Of course everything you do ripples. So this is just about accepting this and not becoming obsessed with how those ripples move. Instead focus on how you are, what quality you are exuding into this world, and then and only then act.

Whenever you move through life unconsciously, you are doing it reactively. The two are one in the same. A reactive being can never ultimately create a better world for themselves or others.

Instead bring consciousness into the equation. Before making any action, you keep yourself how you wish. Be loving, be joyful, be grateful, hell, even be angry if you want!

The point is you choose, then you act, and you observe the whole process. It won’t take you long to realize that striving to keep yourself at anything but the highest level of pleasantness is just unnecessary.

It may seem strange at first, just acting. What does that even look like? It means in some ways surrendering your own desires. To be willing to just act; whatever life throws at you doesn’t matter, you act according to the situation only.

But in another way, it is absolute freedom. You become so internally dedicated to growing your inner way of being that no matter what life throws at you, you accept it’s consequences and embrace it. Nothing life does can shake this dedication within you. You are absolutely free in this way.

Let’s say you decide that no matter what, you will practice gratitude. You wake up and you brush your teeth with gratitude, you eat your breakfast with gratitude, you drive through traffic with gratitude, you get yelled at by your boss with gratitude, you do all of it with gratitude. Gratitude will become who you are.

Now, perhaps you were short for time, so eating breakfast needed to be quicker one day. Then another day you had more time, so you took your time. Maybe your boss yelled at you and you decide it’s time to leave the job.

None of those actions are the point. You act intelligently depending on the situation, but your gratitude is unwavering. Can you see the point I am trying to make, that all this “right time to act” is just a distraction for you?

If you have already decided within yourself how you want to be, who cares what life brings you, it is all a gift for you to explore yourself!

Time itself is an illusion. The past is a poorly remembered memory, the future is an inaccurate fantasy in your mind. You only have now. It doesn’t matter what is happening around you in this moment. Make the moment beautiful internally for you. It is always the right time to act like that.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise

On Solitude

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

Sometimes, I just feel like being alone. I just want to go retreat and be by myself but I can’t get away without feeling guilty. I know my family, peers, and friends just wouldn’t understand. Society seems to value social interaction so highly. How can I find time to myself without causing such a stir among them?

Sincerely,

Can’t Get Away

Dear CGA,

The desire for solitude is not only no reason to feel guilty, but it is a necessity in this fast paced world we live in. However, you need to stop blaming others for your lack of solitude.

Solitude is not a place. It is not a week long retreat at an ashram, or a vacation in the Bahamas, or a weekend in the wilderness. Solitude is a quality, a way of being. You do not require anything from anyone else to find stillness. Tell me, how far do you have to travel to find something that is within you only?

You may have noticed that where you are does not determine how you are inside. Many people can go to a relaxing massage and feel stressed out of their minds. Sure, external circumstances may help create an environment that makes it easier for us to feel one way or another. But this is only relevant if you are a compulsive human being.

Why would you want to go around in life being a victim of how the situation is when you are capable of consciously being whatever way you choose in each moment? If you are consciously keeping yourself the way you wish, regardless of the circumstance, then the external environment will have little to no bearing on how you are within. This is what you should strive for.

So you long for solitude. You are approaching a time in your life where you recognize this one simple truth: That you and you alone are responsible for your life. You may not have articulated it this way, but you feel it in your being.

But your compulsive nature is turning this natural and beautiful longing for solitude from an opportunity for transformation into a simple escape from all the burdens of life.

Do not treat solitude as an escape from your external drama. Believe me, if you try to escape from your dramas, you will find yourself returning to them again and again, only now they are more intense.

Have you ever had this vacation syndrome? You go away for some time, and think “Ah yes, life is simple, I am refreshed to go back to my life and change things!” Then upon returning, you are hammered down to reality. You were the only one who got this perspective, everyone else is the same. So inevitably you get sucked back into all the dramas.

Solitude as a respite from drama is not a good solution. There is no respite from drama. The only respite is being conscious. Do not allow yourself to believe that changing the outside situation or removing yourself from it will solve your problems. You are the sole cause of all your problems, you are the only solution. Time to dive inward.

This is why solitude is so important. Not as a way to avoid life, but as a way of embracing it. You must be able to find stillness within, and keep that centre stable and solid. That way, whatever situation you move through in life, you are able to respond however you wish, instead of react.

If you want to find solitude, you need not go anywhere. But if you want to run, first you must learn to crawl, then walk. So start small, and create the stability of stillness within you.

First, find just a few minutes a day to be by yourself. Shut off all distractions. If people around you judge you, that is their problem. You are doing this for you. Then simply, just sit. Stay awake, but sit silently, eyes closed.

You may call this meditation, but I am telling you that sitting eyes closed does not equal meditation. Meditation is a quality, just like solitude is a quality.

While you are sitting, just with yourself, your mind will race. Just let it do so. There is no goal, no expectation to achieve. Whatever happens in your mind or body, just watch it and let it pass.

Like this every day, with consistency, without fail, just give yourself this time of solitude. Over time, you will see something starts to remain steady at your core, bringing you a sense of ease that wasn’t there before.

Once you feel this ease, you can practice this solitude in bigger ways. You can sit for longer, sure. But you can practice this stillness within in your day to day life. When you are at work, or making the bed, or talking with your family, try to practice that same solitude within you, that same steadiness and ease.

The most important practice here is that you are consistent. You cannot only do this when you feel burnt out, or when there is time. It must become a constant presence in your life. For that to happen, you must practice daily.

For you to see the full potential and beauty this life offers will only be available in deep moments of stillness. Only by consistently including more moments like these will you transform.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise

On Wisdom

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I have been following many different spiritual traditions and teachers over the past several years. I am really passionate about growing on this path so I follow all of them! They all have so much wisdom to read and hear about. But sometimes they contradict, sometimes they agree, and I am becoming a bit confused. How do I know who has the right answers?

Sincerely,

Confused Learner

Dear CL,

I would like to share with you a zen story.

There was a martial arts student in the village. He approached his teacher and asked him, “Master, I want to learn more quickly. In addition to learning from you, I want to learn another style from another teacher. What do you think, is it a good idea?”

The master simply replied, “The hunter who chases two rabbits catches neither”.

I want you to understand this story is not meant to discourage you from seeking or learning. It is to slap some sense into you and point out the trap you are placing yourself in constantly.

If you want to accomplish anything in this life, without the necessary focus, direction, time, and consistency, it stands little chance of happening, does it not?

If you wish to learn how to play an instrument for example, having 10 teachers is not going to make you go any faster. Only your dedication to growth is what matters.

It is true, you should have a good teacher. That will help greatly on the path. But even the most enlightened of teachers will not be able to help someone who is trapped in their own nonsense and refuses to listen fully.

You asked how to know who has the right answers. You should not be seeking anyone with answers. You should only be listening to those who show you a way out of your ignorance. Answers will not help you, only a path will.

You can open up any bible, any gita, any philosophy text, or watch recordings of enlightened beings, or go see them alive today even! But drowning yourself in information is not going to liberate you.

Information is not wisdom. Knowing others and the situation and how to respond is wisdom. Knowing yourself however, is enlightenment.

You said yourself, there are so many enlightened beings that have shared their wisdom. You are not in some shortage of knowledge. It would be different if no one had ever walked this earth that was enlightened, and we had no way out of our nonsense.

But this is not the case. You have lots to choose from. So, you must learn to pick one and follow their teachings consistently. This is not because one person has all the answers. This is not about them at all.

Any guru who is worth their salt will always offer you a way. Some process, some tools of transformation, some path for you to walk that will help liberate you. But it is you who walk it, you who is transforming, not them.

If you are walking one path, then get distracted and change to another path, then come back to the first path, then get distracted again, it will take a long time to get to the destination will it not? In fact, you may never get there with all this meandering.

So sticking with one guru is like walking an internal path. You are learning how to drop all your attachments, all your patterns, all your nonsense, so that you can make room to see yourself and this existence the way it is.

But if your whole desire is not to drop these things, but instead to gather and hoard information from every guru out there, you will not only be spinning your tires going nowhere, you will make it exponentially harder to transform yourself.

With just a bunch of useless information and no experiential change, you will become a fool. A fool who has convinced themselves they are growing and are more spiritual simply because of all the words they have heard and read.

These words mean absolutely nothing. In fact, everything you have ever read or heard is garbage. Unless those words have encouraged you to turn inward, what use are they? Just entertainment, something you can share at a gathering to sound smart or spiritual.

Only experience matters. If you have some Jesus story about being kind, does it mean anything if you are not kind? If you have some Buddha story about being unattached, what use is it if you are entangled in your own thoughts and emotions?

Those stories need to become lessons. They will only become lessons if you practice them, turning them into a living, breathing, walking experience for you.

This is why the consistency of following one process, and being totally devoted to the process. Because the more you meander, the longer it takes. The more you accumulate, the harder it is to be free.

When you get to a place in your life where you are finally ready to just accept that this is how all life functions – with consistent, pointed growth only – then it is time to embrace the teacher who most resonates with you and surrender to the process.

This surrendering is not an enslavement. It is the ultimate freedom. You will be learning to be free of your anxiety, free of your attachments, free of all that which has been limiting you.

If it is time to move on from a teacher, you will know. If the next step in the journey is here, it will feel effortless to move on. Eventually however, you must get to a place where you lose the desire for teachers and being taught all together, and learn to see everything in this existence as your teacher.

That is the crux of where your desire to learn from so many teachers is coming from. However, it is not a conscious process. It is compulsive and a way for you to distract yourself.

If you consciously start to see every leaf, every person, every smell, every damn little thing in this existence as being larger than you, then you will learn to listen more carefully, and you will see what all this enlightenment fuss really is about.

Do you see how it has nothing to do with how many teachers you have? Everyone is here to offer you a lesson if you only learned how to listen. Picking one guru is about learning how to listen to everything. That is what they are truly teaching you.

It’s not about picking one thing to become a fanatic and draw millions of conclusions about life so you can say you have all the answers. This is just about learning how to grow.

So pick one path for now, and walk it totally, fully, without wavering. As time passes, you will become more receptive to everything and all it is teaching you in every moment.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise

On Exhaustion

~ SE

Dear True Self,

Lately I have just been so exhausted. I feel like life is just so draining, trying to balance work and family. Any tips on how to manage my energy better?

Sincerely,

So Very Tired

Dear SVT,

There is a large machine that you are sitting in the middle of. You have become the mechanic of this machine, continuously having to keep all the gears in good order and moving smoothly.

But it’s a 24/7 job with no breaks and no pay! And if you stop managing any aspect of it, the whole machine is at risk of falling apart.

Of course someone who is working 24/7 simply to keep something from falling apart is going to be exhausted. It is just a constant struggle of putting out fires. There is no room for play or exuberance when you are like this.

Have you ever heard the saying if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail? Like this, you are approaching everything in your life from a singular, limited angle. You are seeing it all as something that you have to meticulously micro manage. So of course everywhere you look in your life, you see only problems that need fixing.

Life does not need your constant interference in order to thrive. In fact, life will thrive more without your interference. Somewhere along the way you started to believe that life is just one big problem and you are the only one that can fix it.

The truth is there is no problem. There is nothing for you to manage. Perhaps it’s time to let the machine fall apart.

I’m not saying that you must quit your job, leave your family, drop the whole life you have built for yourself. This has nothing to do with the outside. The only reason that your work and family have become such a burden is because of how you are keeping your internal self.

The machine you are trapped in is not the outside life you have. The machine is the armour you are wearing to avoid hurt and pain.

You see, inside, you have decided that everything must be a particular way. Your family must be one way, your job another. It must all go exactly to your expectations.

But the problem does not lie with the outside, the problem is all in your mind. You have become attached to life being manicured in some specific way, and you cannot bear the idea of it becoming anything else.

The only machine you are obsessed with managing is your own fear. Your fear of life changing. Tell me, does anything in this universe stay the way it is without ever changing? Obviously all things have their season.

If you go on thinking that you can keep life in a box or boundary forever, all you are doing is ensuring that life comes and punishes you for such foolish behaviour. The longer and harder you try to prevent natural change, the more exhausted you become, and the more difficult and dramatic the fallout will be when it all falls apart.

Stop trying so hard to manage your psychological nonsense. All these expectations and conclusions you have about how life should be are totally worthless. Every moment is fresh and unique. Why manage them? There is more beauty to be found in how this moment is, the way it is, than there is in you managing every little detail.

Just see how trapped you have become by this armor you wear. Has all this managing made you any more blissful? Any more joyful? Any more at ease, any less stressed? No, you are absolutely exhausted by it!

Everywhere you go you wear this heavy, heavy armor. How can you move with any sense of grace, levity, beauty? You are weighed down only by what you are carrying, not what life brings you.

If you want to stop being exhausted, you need to start becoming vulnerable to life. It’s time to take off the armour.

All life is simply energy. We are all fueled by this energy at every level, whether it is the air you breathe or the sun’s light or a conversation, it is all the same energy fundamentally. The source of creation is always pouring into you.

But when you trap yourself in some machine with so many cogs, it become hard for life to fuel you, to penetrate you. You must drop all this armor if you want to feel the sunlight on your skin.

Move through life without all your armour. All your expectations and ideas you have of pinning down life are only coming from fear of suffering. Pain may come in life. Sometimes, life is like that. But suffering is your choice.

Whatever life brings you, be vulnerable to it. Whether you get something joyful or painful, you make the most of it! That is the beauty of being human, you have this capability.

So how to manage your energy better and be less exhausted? Don’t manage it at all. No one likes to be managed. But everyone likes to be included.

Like this, stop managing your life. Just be vulnerable, include everything that happens to you as a part of you. Accept its role, then when it is time for it to pass, you can easily drop it.

Your exhaustion will go away, your energy will increase only when you stop being afraid and just walk each moment the way it is, with full stride. Yes, it is scary to just let things be. But the freedom that comes with it is far better than anything you could create through your micro managing.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise

On Being the Witness

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

How do I resist the compulsive thoughts and emotions I have? I’m tired of being a slave to all these reactive behaviours, but have a hard time keeping them at bay.

Sincerely,

Resistance is Futile

Dear RIF,

You cannot resist thought or emotion. The goal of resisting something is to prevent it from happening. Only the opposite is possible when you resist thought and emotion.

When we say thought and emotion, you must understand they are the same thing. They follow the same pathways in your system. The only difference is thoughts can turn on a dime. Emotions linger.

You can think your friend is wonderful today and horrible tomorrow, even if they do nothing. Thoughts are like this.

Emotions however get you more entangled and take some time to subside. If you feel madly in love with someone, even if they break your heart and you hate them, still you will go on loving them while hating them, torturing yourself, won’t you?

So your thoughts and emotions are only different in this way. But have you noticed what happens when you try to resist either?

I tell you not to think of something, that is all you will think of. You are angry and I tell you “Calm down, stop being angry!”, you will only become more angry.

Resisting your thoughts and your emotions is a useless battle you will always lose. In fact, by resisting you are actually helping the thoughts and emotions grow more rapidly.

You must understand that once something happens, it is inevitable. It is done. There is no changing it.

What I mean is, if right now, you feel scared, you cannot change the fact that you feel scared in this individual moment. All you will do is say to yourself “Don’t be scared” and the fear will grow and follow you from that moment to the next and the next.

Like this everything is happening between cause and effect. Your compulsions led you to feel or think whatever you are feeling or thinking in this moment. Now it is too late. The compulsion was the cause, the effect is your thought or emotion. You must accept that it has arrived and not try to change or fight it.

“But True Self, I don’t want to be stuck feeling or thinking these things, if I do nothing then they will just stay!”

Actually, you are wrong. Doing nothing is the only way to make them go away.

Everything has it’s time and will pass. Nothing lasts forever. If you simply leave your thoughts and emotions alone, they will pass on their own. It requires no action from you.

Suppressing it will be a disaster. Feeding it will be a disaster. So just leave it and let it run it’s course. You will see that if you can just allow things to happen for what they are, they are not as big a deal as you think.

You are afraid that if you leave them alone that you will go on forever being stuck in the compulsion. There is nothing to fear. Just let it go.

You must stop identifying so heavily with your thought and emotions. They are a tool, here to serve you in this life. But right now all your compulsions have made them the main event and you have become enslaved.

If you want to be free of this enslavement, you must become the witness to these phenomena. Just simply observe what is happening. You are angry? Just watch and see how that feels, what it stirs up. You have a negative thought? Just watch and see what that does to your experience.

Without judgment, like this just simply be the witness. You will be amazed how quickly these things that once dominated you just fade into the next thing.

You are not your mind or your emotions. You may think you are, that you are operating from this brain space or heart space, but you are not. If I ask you, who is running this being you call as “you”, eventually you will just have to admit there is some force within you, the supreme “You”, that is beyond body and mind. Your consciousness is this witness, your true self.

So practice being in that space of simply witnessing. By not suppressing or feeding the compulsions, they will fall off on their own in their own time. The trick is that you don’t get to pick and choose what falls off. Whatever falls off just falls off when it is done.

But eventually, so much of these old patterns and compulsions will be gone. You will feel a huge burden is off of you and you can simply be, in a way that you haven’t felt in a long time. The fastest way to drop your nonsense is to stop feeding it.

It’s kind of like you have a clogged tub and the water is overflowing. Only a fool will grab a mop first. First you must turn off the water and stop feeding the flow.

So stop obsessing so much over your compulsions. Just watch, not for anything, but just for the sake of watching. Be the witness.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise

On Emotion

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

My emotions always seem to be an issue in my life. I suppress things like anger and then explode. I get way too excited about things then get let down when they don’t happen like I want. Somebody says one small thing and I can become so defensive and cry.
How can I become more balanced with my emotions? How do I turn down the craziness?

Sincerely,

Emotion Commotion

Dear EC,

There are other forms of intelligence in this existence than just intellectual intelligence. The very nature of the mind is that it is discriminatory – it will always be dividing things into this or that, putting everything into it’s box or category.

This may serve you for survival, but it does not serve you when it comes to creating a beautiful life.

If you go about in life with the mind as your primary way of experiencing, you will question anything that does not seem rational or logical, even if the experience was beautiful for you.

So why am I talking so much about the mind when you are asking about emotions?

You see, your intellect will only take you so far. The way human beings are today, the vast majority are incapable of using their mind to get them to experience life in all it’s beauty.

Think about it, when you had a truly beautiful experience in this life, was it your mind or your emotions that were fully on, intensity at maximum? Of course it was your emotion.

Not everyone is capable of using their mind this intensely without going around in circles. But everyone is capable of using their emotions intensely. Everyone knows this experience.

This isn’t really about balancing your emotion. I want you to see that deep down, you know that the times in your life when you were 100% involved with your emotion, intensely involved, absolutely involved – that is when you felt most alive.

It doesn’t matter if it was anger, jealousy, joy, sadness – only through emotions have you felt the potential of how intense life can be.

Now sometimes, it is an unpleasant emotion. Because of this unpleasantness, you want to switch it off. But emotion is just emotion. There is no good or bad emotion. Shall we switch off your capacity for joy as well?

What you may be lacking is an emotional maturity. The emotions are just happening based on external situations. Something outside comes and pinches you, so you cry. Then something outside comes and kisses you, so you smile. Like this, you go on endlessly in life, a slave to what life brings you. Crossing your fingers and hoping for the best is not a good strategy.

You cannot control the external ever. It happens as it happens. All you can control is how you are within. You are capable of keeping this internal chemistry any was you wish. The first step is to start consciously responding instead of reacting.

No matter what life gives you, you must practice making the most of it. But never start toning down your emotion. If you are going to cry, cry fully! Don’t suppress, don’t exaggerate, just cry. If you are laughing, do the same. Just allow yourself to feel and stop micromanaging your emotions.

If you can allow yourself this vulnerability, that you will feel life in all it’s intensity, you will naturally start to burn away the stupid illusions you keep about life that the mind is clinging to.

Yes, there will be sad times, yes there will be happy times. But this isn’t about chasing only the good or enjoying the bad like some masochist. It’s about being vulnerable so that life can penetrate you. If you are to wake up and see what this life truly is, you must let it penetrate you.

The problem is you are too scared to be vulnerable, and too reactive to what life brings. So you want to shut off the vulnerability, curl up into the fetal position, and wait for life to pass by, only popping up when something preferable happens.

Simply start here: that you are allowed to feel how you feel. Allow yourself to feel whatever life brings. Just witness it happening, and allow it to blossom. When the emotion is done, it will pass. This is the correct way to feel, to just let it be. When you try to manage the emotion you wind up attached to it.

Life should be so intense for you that you cry tears of joy when you see a tree, smile fully when you feel the wind, dance when you see the sun, weep when you see someone suffering! You should experience it all in it’s totality.

Does this mean you become some useless person, balling their eyes out every minute? It just means that you are not afraid anymore to feel all this life has to offer. Only one who has no fear to experience life can walk it fully.

If you can live more like this, you will see the emotions themselves are just coming and going. They don’t even need to be managed, just felt and witnessed.

What I am saying is you can feel your feelings without letting them consume you, without becoming them. There is no danger in feeling anything fully, only in denying the feeling. That is where the entanglement lies, like a trap.

Feel your emotions consciously, not compulsively. Let go of the fear to be vulnerable. Watch how where you once felt incapable of making a better life for yourself and others, all of a sudden you see no other way than to make it happen.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise

On Playfulness

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

People don’t seem to be taking things seriously enough these days. We have so many issues facing us as a planet and things look very bleak. So much suffering, so much destruction, it breaks my heart. How can we get people to care enough? How can we get them to take this all seriously?

Sincerely,

Why Not So Serious

Dear WNSS,

The problem is not a question of seriousness. Please see how many people there are in the world taking these issues seriously. Whether it’s about human suffering or the suffering of the planet, there are millions of dedicated people working on these issues.

However, it is not enough. These are complex problems. So many start out with the best of intentions, but they have all been failing haven’t they? They have all become or are becoming overwhelmed, tired, hopeless. They may still be fighting because it’s better than doing nothing, but seriousness is not taking them to the finish line.

There is no use putting millions to work on these issues if they are all ending up feeling like this.

No, seriousness is not what is lacking. What is lacking is playfulness.

When I say playfulness it may sound like I am advising avoiding the issues. I am not saying to go play and ignore everything. I am saying you need playfulness in all things you do, especially such lofty work.

But is playing about with such important topics is irresponsible? Playing with people’s lives?

It’s not about others. This is about you. This about the quality you bring. This is about being playful with life.

Being playful with life is not irresponsible. Being stone cold serious is irresponsible.

Life itself is just one great big play. A play of energy and laws that govern how this drama unfolds. This creation is truly marvelous in it’s play, more than you realize. If even one thing in your life stops playing by the rules, trust me, you and this planet are done for.

Please take a minute to look at a child. Watch how every little thing they do in their world is a great play. See the intensity and passion with which they strive in their little games. They could simply be chasing a butterfly or digging in the dirt. But their level of involvement is total.

Now take a minute to look at an adult. Watch how for such basic things like putting food on their table how miserable they are. There is no sense of joy, wonder, or beauty about it. Just survival is all that matters. Even if their job was chasing a butterfly, their seriousness will only rob them of the beauty of it.

Tell me, a person who is capable of total involvement, are they not the best type of person to be tackling the issues of this planet? Who is more capable of this involvement, a playful person or a serious person?

Not only is the playful person more capable, they are capable of doing so without burning out. They are capable of doing so joyfully. They are capable of inspiring others. They are capable of doing far more than the serious person ever could.

I don’t want you to go home and start making some sort of morality out of playfulness. It’s not some great endeavour. Playfulness is a natural way of being. Every child knows it from birth. It is just something you have forgotten.

This forgetting how to play is only coming from the fact that you think that the drama in your mind is more spectacular than this creation. What is more complex, something you can think up, or this entire creation?

Somewhere along the way, you have become too entangled with your mind. You have identified so heavily with your own limited creations that you are not seeing the infinite creation that is all around you.

Do this one thing, make your thoughts the least important thing in your life. This isn’t about stopping your thoughts. They will happen. Let them happen. Just stop giving them so much importance.

Instead, just admit that whatever conclusions you are drawing in your mind about life are all wrong. It doesn’t matter what philosophy you have learned up to now, just drop it, as an experiment. Admit that you have no idea what makes this creation tick.

Like when you were a child, how even seeing a leaf blowing would make you wonder and immediately play. Now you see the leaf but you don’t even see it. You are too caught up in the dramas in your head.

Just for 24 hours, stop giving your memories and your fantasies so much attention. Instead, devote the next 24 hours to looking upon this creation like it’s fresh and new, like you did as a child. Then curiosity will come naturally, and play will follow.

This moment is fresh and new isn’t it? Or have you become so deluded you think it’s the same as one before? You may be doing the same repetitive things every day, but every day is fresh and unique from the creation’s perspective. It is only your limited and stupid viewpoint that has labeled life as not worthy of exploring, worthy of playing.

Playfulness is not just better for tackling the worlds problems. It is an absolute necessity. We have some large hurdles to cross in the next decade and then the next few decades. Without playfulness, people will always fall short, burning out.

Your playfulness will not burn you out. It will however burn you up. It will burn up all the ways you have created nonsense for yourself. All the labels and identities and conclusions you have will burn up totally.

When you are totally burned up so that all of you is gone, and only your true heart’s desire is left, you will explore it in every breath you take. If you truly wish to help leave this world better than you found it, it’s time to stop being so damn serious.

It’s time to play.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise

On Offering

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

In this world it seems like people are obsessed only with what they can take. So few of us actually give our time and offer any service to others. Is humanity truly so corrupt? How can we overcome this selfishness and contribute more than we take?

Sincerely,

Give or Take

Dear GOT,

First of all I must stop this notion of humanity. There is no how can “we” overcome, there is only how can “you” overcome. There’s no need to project your sentiments onto all of humanity, first you deal with yourself.

Second I want you to understand that what you ask is impossible. You can spend your entire life in service to others and still you will have taken far more than you ever gave. This is because you have nothing to give that was ever yours to begin with.

Everything you call you, from your body or your mind or your emotions, you only have it because you took it from this planet. And believe me, one day you will be giving it all back.

From the air you breathe to the food you eat, you are always taking something from this planet in order to live. But feeling alive, feeling satisfied, feeling nourished is another matter entirely. This does not depend on what you take. This solely depends on how you offer your life.

I am careful here with how I word this, because I don’t want you to think that this is some numbers game. “If I offer 10,000 things in my life, then I will shed all my karma and become enlightened!”

You can never give back enough to undo all you’ve taken. No one can. This isn’t about the amount you offer. This is about making your very life into an offering.

If you can live life in such a way that with each step, you are an offering to all that is around you, then you will become receptive on a level you cannot imagine.

I want you to try, for even the next hour or so – just in every second of these next few hours, be of service. Offer yourself to everything around you.

What I mean by this is when you look at the home you are in, offer your respect. Take the steps in this house towards your door with a level of care and attention that you would in a temple.

Step to the door and walk outside. Give the strangers you see a smile, offer your joy to them.

Look up at the sun and offer your most sincere thanks for how it is providing you with life constantly.

Like this go about every moment thinking only of what you can offer. It’s not about what you are giving. That you gave a dollar to a homeless man or helped an old woman cross the street is not the point. When you did those things, was the quality of your being an offering? Not just those things either, it has to be consistent, with each breath you must strive.

You turn your very presence into one of offering. You don’t need to do anything external.

Establish yourself so that there is no way you can even exist without contributing. Make your whole life a contribution.

I know this may all sound so futile. If we take more than we give by our very nature, what is the use of turning yourself into an offering?

The use in it is just this: You don’t have to do anything and life will anyway give you something. In every moment, even if you just sit not wanting anything, it will give you air, sunlight, sound, smells, sights, so much. There is no action required by you when it comes to taking. Taking is passive. You are wasting energy doing something that will anyway happen.

Instead put your energy into emptying yourself. You become receptive only by turning into an offering. In each moment, you offer and empty yourself. The glass that is empty can receive the most.

If you can commit yourself like this, even for just those few hours, to being an offering to everything in your experience, just watch and see how satisfied you become. See how full you feel. It will be far greater than any fullness you have felt from actively taking.

If you can decide that you are not the most important thing in this existence, then offering yourself will not be difficult. And with that offering comes receptivity. Life will shove so much into you.

You have no idea how much life is offering in every moment. How receptive to it you are is all that truly is missing.

The real poetry lies in that only by mirroring life can you touch the source of life. From your perspective, life is constantly offering to you. From the rest of creation’s perspective, you are an offering to it. So live like it!

Whether you realize it or not, just the way life is always offering to you, you are offering yourself to life. Make it into a conscious, living, breathing process for you in each moment, and watch how fulfilled your life becomes.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise

On Joy

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

You’ve said before the importance of being joyful and how it is generated from within, not dependent on outside circumstances. But sometimes life can be very challenging and it is so hard to be joyful. It feels forced, almost obscene, to be smiling when you’re in pain or hurting. I don’t think joy is an appropriate reaction to when you’re being abused or mistreated. How can being joyful even be possible in times like that?

Sincerely,

Joy Vey

Dear JV,

Joy will never happen as a reaction to an unpleasant situation. This is because reactions by their very nature are situation dependent.

The issue is right now your emotions are not happening when you want them to, nor the way you want them to, isn’t it? If you had the skill to choose how you wanted to be, no matter the situation, the choice is obvious – you would only want the most pleasant experience within.

But you have not developed such a skill. You are not a conscious being. Maybe from time to time you are living more consciously. Perhaps you are growing, and each day living a bit less reactive, a bit less compulsive. But believe me when I say the vast majority of the planet, including you, is not even conscious a fraction of a percent of the day.

Do you disagree? Surely you must be at least 50% conscious? Or maybe you aren’t so arrogant, surely you are at least 1% or 2% conscious?

Let’s say you are walking through a restaurant. Tell me, from the time it takes to walk through the door to sit at your table, how much of your experience is conscious? Are you consciously deciding to listen to the sounds of the kitchen? To smell the food as it cooks? To actively see everything in your vision from the periphery to what’s in front of you? Of course not, your mind is stuck on some past memory or future fantasy.

You are not consciously doing almost any of it. But I guarantee that your body and mind are recording everything. They are experiencing every little disturbance around you and digesting it through your senses. Whether you like it or not, almost all of your experience is unconscious.

The solution is not to somehow become less sensitive. This will not serve you, it will only make you dull. The solution is to be less reactive, and you decide what sticks and what goes through you. That way you will have the capacity to handle the totality of life with exuberance.

So now you find yourself in a pleasant situation. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the wind is gentle, people smile at you, suddenly you feel so joyful! Just like that your body and mind have digested your world and you react appropriately, with joy.

Then later you find yourself in an unpleasant situation. The clouds are gray, the traffic is roaring, people frown at you, suddenly you feel irritable. In the same way, the body and mind digest your world and you react appropriately, with unpleasantness.

Do you want to keep living like this, a slave to the external? Because if so, then you will be a slave to your compulsiveness, to your reactions. Happiness will never be in your hands, and will always be fleeting.

This is not about faking joy. This is not about forcing happiness. You are right, trying to live like this will not work. It is totally inappropriate.

This is about responding with joy, not reacting with joy. This an important distinction.

If something unpleasant happens, you will almost guaranteed react unpleasantly. You’ve already reacted, you cannot change that. But you can now choose to respond to this reaction with joy.

I’m not saying be happy about what’s happening, to become sadistic and enjoy whatever torturous thing you are going through. This isn’t about what has happened to you. What has happened has happened. You must live out the consequences.

I am saying can you live with these consequences, can you live with this moment the way it is, and be joyful, no matter what way it is? Can you drop your endless criteria for every moment and just be happy to be here, to be alive?

Shift your focus from the external drama to your internal world. Something unpleasant happened, okay. Now will you make the most of it? Accept that it happened, and turn it into the soil needed for growth. Then till that soil joyfully.

Don’t sit there saying “Okay, this will pass and become something good, I just have to get through it…” What is happening is not good or bad. It just is. If you wait for it to pass into something better, that better thing will just pass too and you will repeat this cycle over and over.

Stop paying attention to the detail of the situation. Just look at it like this, and this alone:

It is up to you if you want to grow or not, and up to you if you want to grow joyfully or not.

This is the only choice. But I promise you, one way or another, life will make you grow. You cannot avoid it.

This isn’t just about when you’re miserable. Even when you are experiencing something pleasant, you must recognize that it too is just a reaction and something you must take the reins on.

What I mean by this is that if you are happy when something good happens and unhappy when something bad happens, then both situations are a prison. One is not better than the other just because you felt better in one.

Your reactive behavior is the prison! One’s bars are made of gold, the other iron, but only a fool would place himself in either. You must strive to be free from it.

So when I tell you to practice joy, that life truly is as simple as being happy, what I mean isn’t that you lie to yourself with a stupid grin saying everything is fine when clearly inside you do not feel that way.

What I am saying is that you need to learn how to respond with joy. You need to continually practice responding to both pleasant and unpleasant situations the way you want.

My wish is that life is in your hands and you become free from the bonds of reactivity.

So why joy? If all you must do is practice responding, can’t you choose to respond any way you wish? Won’t that be just as good?

It’s true, you can. If you really want to choose to be angry, or sad, or any other way, that is your freedom. Go ahead and choose it!

But trust me, eventually you will laugh at yourself when you realize that raking yourself over the coals was never necessary, you could have anyway done any situation joyfully.

Practicing responding in spite of your reacting is the real work here. I’m just suggesting you can do so joyfully, because every being deserves to be happy. You are no exception.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise

On Projection

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I notice that I project my own issues onto others all the time. For example if I am feeling unattractive I will comment on someone else’s appearance. Or if I see someone who is not working hard at work, I am just avoiding my own lack of effort.

Is it wrong to comment on things that you know need fixing if you haven’t fixed them yourself? What if I see something they don’t see and it could help them?

Sincerely,

Projecting and Deflecting

Dear PAD,

Everything you do is a projection. You have no authority to be telling anyone to do anything.

Do you think you are seeing the world as it is? Pure, unfiltered, without any of your own ideas attached?

When you see something, you only see it the way your body interprets it, no? You are limited by your own senses in this regard always. If you were a dog you would see less but smell more. If you were a bee you could see ultraviolet light and so much would suddenly be in your perception that wasn’t before.

You are only capable of experiencing a narrow bandwith of what exists in this cosmos through your senses. Within that narrow range of perception you have, you are only experiencing a sliver of what is happening in any given moment.

What I am saying is that you know far less than you think you do. You know next to nothing. And you think you know what’s best for others?

But it goes farther than just the limitations of your senses. You have a whole psychological structure within you that you are constantly seeing the world through. For every person you know, you have a different mask. For every situation, you have a pre-planned personality you fall back to.

So not only do you know next to nothing, what you do think you know isn’t even accurate! It is always through the foggy filter of identity and personality.

You have so many agendas, so many things you are trying to get out of the other every time you are “helping” them. No, you are just avoiding yourself.

This is why everything you do is a projection. Is this meant to make you feel hopeless, or meant to excuse you from all your actions? No, it is just meant to bring you down to reality.

It’s a good thing that everything is a projection. This means that all of existence is a mirror for you, showing you what lies in you. This means existence is hiding nothing from you.

All your issues, all your obstacles, all the barriers to being happy you have within yourself, they are reflected in how you see others. Take advantage of this! In this way, everyone and everything is screaming at you telling you what’s in the way of your bliss.

Accept that you project onto others in each moment. When you feel the inclination that maybe you are not projecting, you must realize you are definitely projecting and dig deeper to find out how.

Start there, and only once you have embodied this truth should you concern yourself with what others are doing.

You see, the crux of all of your problems in life is really only stemming from this one lack of understanding. Whether it is a marital problem, a career problem, a friendship problem, a money problem – whatever it may be – it is only such a struggle because you think that fixing the external will somehow fix the internal.

Your whole existence is only happening inside of you. Even when you look at something, you are seeing it through your mind only.

In this same way, if something joyful happens to you – let’s say you win a new house – where is the joy created? Was it in the new house? Was it in the prize? No, the joy is only happening within you. You manufacture it.

If you were such that no matter what happens in life, you are pleasant, then this issue of projection won’t be an issue. What is there to project? You are pleasant, so only pleasantness!

You cannot avoid projection if you are a compulsive person. The reality is the way you keep yourself matters. If you are unconscious, and living in a reactive way, then you will expect that everything around you needs fixing. Then and only then can you be happy. This is a silly and unachievable way to live.

But if you make yourself pleasant, for no reason at all other than you want your existence to be joyful, then you will exude that around you. You don’t pick and choose who gets your joy, it just comes out of you naturally.

To exude who you are is the other side of projection. The reality is you are always exuding yourself to others, just when it is not serving you we call it projection. But it is the same thing. You cannot turn it off.

Since it cannot be turned off, you best make yourself pleasant! Not only is that what is best for you, it is what is best for others. Tell me, if you could be around a pleasant person or an unpleasant one, which would you prefer?

Unhappy people are always trying to tell other people how to be. Happy people need nothing from anyone. But if you are unhappy, you will only look at how to manipulate every situation so that you are happy.

You cannot extract happiness from your surroundings. Even if you could, would you want to live like such a leech? It is not necessary, you are capable of being blissful all by yourself, no outside help needed!

It is time you turned inward. If you are looking at your little world and see so many issues, then the issue is first and foremost with you. That you think you somehow have the answer for everyone else’s problems when you can’t even take care of your inner nature is the epitome of hubris.

First fix yourself. Take a look at who you are! There is so much beauty and potential within you. This is your only duty, your only purpose, to tap into this. If you can tap into that boundless well, helping people won’t be an issue anymore. It will be totally natural for you.

In other words: You cannot create a more peaceful, joyful, or loving world without first making yourself a more peaceful, joyful, and loving person.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise

On Intention

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I’ve heard about the power of intention – that if you just sit and picture something, or send out good vibes, that things can come true for you. Is there any truth to this and if so how does it work?

Sincerely,

Intention Invention

Dear II,

There are so many fads today. People are always looking for a quick fix for everything, you know?

Whether it is a new diet or a money meditation or a prayer for what you want, people just want results without having to do anything.

You see, intention is important. But the problem is the angle at which you are approaching this from, as though intention is all that is required. That if you just wish with all your heart for something that somehow it will come true.

Intention only sets the direction you wish to go. But you must walk the path. There is no substitute for this.

I want you to stop trapping yourself so easily. Take a look at yourself and the way you approach life and ask yourself, are you a willing participant? Or do you simply want to sit on the bench crossing your fingers and waiting for boons to come?

Does anything happen simply because of a wish? Whether it is a bee gathering honey or a human being making the life they want, does it happen without work?

There is a deep trap that lays within you when you start seeking easy and quick ways to do everything. It is not that doing things in a simple and easy way is an issue. It is just that you must learn in life to do what is necessary, and to be totally devoted to the process. That is the only way results happen.

Why would you be so tempted to believe that intention alone would be enough when your life has time and time again taught you that this is not the case?

This simply stems from the fact that you want things to be easy. You want all the results without any of the effort. Whether the process is difficult or easy makes no difference. It will feel effortless and wonderful no matter how difficult it is simply because you are doing what you wish with your life.

This strikes to the heart of the issue – what your goals are. You see, an intention is like a goal. It puts you on a trajectory. But look at humanity. What kind of goals do most people set?

They want a job. They want money. They want a house. They want a car.

With the enormous capacity for imagination you have, why would you choose such stifled intentions for your life? Look at the people that have all the things you are seeking. You will see, these so called successful people are not happy, they have not “made it”.

Are they happy in their job they studied so hard for? Most are stressed out and freaking out daily!

Are they happy with their money? No matter how much they earn, they never have enough, isn’t it?

The house, is it ever satisfactory? No they always want to upgrade!

And the dream car, is anyone driving their car with a huge smile on their face? The car they worked so hard for is in their hands, but alas, it is not enough.

There is nothing wrong with any of these things. The issue is the trap of believing that these results are all that matters. That if you somehow check off each of these milestones, life is done and you are happy.

Life isn’t happening at the end of some struggle or work. Life itself is just one process. Every step of the process is a result in it’s own right, and can stand alone as such, can it not?

You must be devoted to the here and now. If you want something to happen for you, that is always out of your hands. There are no guarantees in life, no matter what plan you have and how clever it is.

What matters is how you walk this life. In each step, each moment, whatever process you are in – can you walk it joyfully? Can you walk it without regret?

At the end of your life it will not matter so much to you what you have done. Only how you were when you did it will truly mean anything. The car, the house, all of it will not mean nearly as much to you as it does now.

But this is not to say intention isn’t important. It is. Intention will keep you from flip flopping, it will keep you on target, it will give you a direction to travel. One thing is for sure, if you keep changing direction constantly you will get nowhere.

So keep your intention steady always. Your energy will go wherever your intention is, do not underestimate that. That is the key – your energy. Intention does not replace the work you need to do, it allows the work to…well, to work!

The only issue I have with your intentions is they are not large enough. You are a unique individual, full of limitless potential. No one can predict what you may do tomorrow, not even you. You could do something this world has never seen before.

Each of us is capable like this in our way. And there is so much in this world that can be done to help others, the planet, and everything on it. No other creature can do this but the human being.

You were lucky to be born a human being because it means you can not only do work, but do it at a level that is far beyond what the other animals on this planet are capable of. Yet you trap yourself with mediocre intentions, and even those you don’t want to work for, you just want the intention to do all the work!

It is time for a wake up call. Your life is in your hands. Are you going to make something beautiful out of it by being involved in every moment of this process called life? Or will you sit here waiting for magic solutions that will never come?

My first wish for you is that you set the highest of intentions for your life, to make this life something that truly mattered.

My second wish is that you then embody the necessary commitment to work for it.

My third wish is you do it all joyfully, because life is happening now, and you should enjoy it before it’s gone.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Boredom

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I find myself bored with life lately. Everything seems so dull, the same. Even trying new things I have just this sense of “meh” about it all. How can I become more enthusiastic about life?

Sincerely,

Life’s a Bore

Dear LAB,

First I must ask you, where is your boredom happening? Is it the boredom with life, or the boredom with yourself?

If you think it is life that is the source of your boredom, then it is time for a wake up call.

There is nothing boring about life. There is also nothing exciting about life. Whether you are excited or bored is only happening because of how you decide to be in any moment.

Why is it that one person can be absolutely over the moon when flying in a plane, while another is terrified, and another is bored or indifferent? Is it the plane’s fault, or the act of flying that is the source of their experience?

Each person chooses their own internal experience. If you go around in life expecting external situations to be the source of your happiness, then you are just a reactive human being. There is no choice, you just keep on being triggered by life, a slave to it’s cause and effect.

But if you can make yourself so that no matter what happens in life, you are the way you wish to be, then you are in command of your own life! Tell me, if you were in command of how you experience life, wouldn’t you want to choose the highest level of experience for yourself?

See, this is all a matter of perspective. You obviously don’t want the worst level of experience in your life, or a dull level of experience, or even a satisfactory level of experience. Your very nature is that you will always want to expand the beauty in your life. When you reach one peak, you will soon long for the next.

But you are not involved in life. You are simply coasting, one moment to the next. You have become so bored that even when pleasant things happen you don’t feel anything.

But I promise you, if life came and started grinding you a bit, squeezing you and kicking you, suddenly you would not be bored. You would be miserable, but certainly it would not be boring.

When boredom sets into you like this, you seem to forget that you are capable of overcoming it. When life is miserable you are clearly capable of being totally involved in your misery. So what, can you only be involved in life when it is miserable?

It seems that most people can only know pure involvement when they utterly sad, destroyed, scared. It is a shame, because the same is possible with joy, beauty, freedom.

Boredom is inevitable when you are not willing to be involved. The easiest way to be involved is to start paying attention to all that is worth celebrating.

Life itself is a celebration. All around you, there is so much activity – the sun is rising, the people you care about are all here today, you are alive today even! The birds are flying, the trees are breathing, everywhere you look, some piece of life has overcome great strife to be thriving in this moment.

You take for granted all the things that are happening right now. Is it not worth celebrating these things? Your aliveness, other’s aliveness, all of it?

Maybe you feel like you are incapable of celebrating all that life has to offer. But you were once a young child, and all of life was a celebration. Every little pebble you saw was worth looking at. Like this you moved through life, with a sense of wonder about it all, and every moment you learned something new, and it was worth celebrating.

Do you think that now that you are older you’ve got it all figured out? You’ve seen pebbles too many times, so you know all there is to know? You could spend 10,000 lifetimes looking at even one pebble and not know it in it’s entirety.

Do you see why this is a matter of perspective? Life has not suddenly taken away opportunities from you. It is not hiding the interesting things from you, or taken away your capacity to be involved, or your ability to be curious and celebratory.

All of life is interesting damnit! You’re bored? Of what I say?! What in this existence is possibly boring to you?

Nothing about life is boring. It is all magnificent if you only paid attention.

The issue is not with life, it is only with you.

The only way out of your boredom is to start living. You don’t have to suddenly start dancing in the street, but it sure would help.

You have all these rules in your life of the way you feel you must behave. But the truth is you can be any way you want. You want to sing on the train? You want to smile at the trees? You want to dress silly? Whatever you want, you can do, there is no one stopping you. However you think an enthusiastic person would be in life, you can be like that!

You don’t have to do any of these things however. Celebrating life does not mean that you have to take any external action. Just in your own heart, you own experience, celebrate each moment. It can be entirely internal, because everything is only happening within you anyway.

As a human you have the ability to feel either end of the spectrum with life. You can feel total apathy or total wonder. It is entirely up to you. It’s not that one end is better or worse than the other. It is just that life has given you as a human the power to choose how your life is.

Just that fact alone – that life is entirely your making – that is worth celebrating. You need no other reason to celebrate.

If you can make the quality of celebration a part of who you are, in every step you take, there will be no question of boredom. Don’t try to be enthusiastic because you will need some reason. Just for no reason at all other than you are alive, celebrate!

Basically what I am saying is just do anything. Pick anything, and celebrate it. What have you got to lose; your way clearly isn’t working.

Try it. Go for a walk and every step treat it like it is a celebration. By the end of that walk, you’ll either be smiling, laughing, or crying. But you won’t be bored, and you will see how stupid it is to choose to be bored when you could literally choose anything else.

Life is ticking away, don’t wait until you’re dying or dead to suddenly want to live.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Priorities

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I have a hard time prioritizing in my life. I find myself so busy with things that I am just going from one thing to the next hoping for the house of cards to not topple! Even things that I know are important, like taking care of my health, seem to fall aside due to how busy I am. How can I make the right things a priority?

Sincerely,

First Things Last

Dear FTL,

Life can not be handled via some spreadsheet to refer to. You can’t say “This is my #1 priority, this is my #2, #3…” because life will not let you get away with such rudimentary thinking. What is a priority will always change depending on the moment.

This doesn’t mean that you must constantly be shifting your focus. It just means that you must accept that life is fresh and unique in every moment. Whatever the situation requires you must do, there is no other answer.

That may be a scary realization, but it’s the truth. There is no plan you can ever have that guarantees anything. You may be able to torture yourself and prolong the toppling for some time, but inevitably, everything has it’s time to fall. Learn to accept these times with grace.

But I know this won’t be a satisfying answer, so let’s take a look at “priorities” further.

Right now, your priorities are largely focused on external things. Maybe it’s your job, or your spouse. Maybe it’s your car, or maybe it’s your home. Maybe it’s your children, maybe it’s your appearance. It’s probably many of these things and more.

There is nothing wrong with these things. These are all part of life and yours to experience as you wish. But they themselves are not your life, they are just opportunities.

Life is what is within you. Life is you!

No matter what happens externally, you only experience it within yourself. It doesn’t matter if you win the lottery or go bankrupt, how you are within determines the quality of your experience does it not? Two people can experience the same thing and both have opposite reactions.

When this is the case, does it truly matter what life brings you? Whether a boon or a challenge, is it not your freedom to choose how you want to experience it?

I am asking you, what determines the quality of your life? Is it the stuff that happens to you or is it how you choose to be no matter what happens?

Do not waste time prioritizing the outside when your entire life is determined by how you are inside!

You ask what is the right thing to prioritize? The answer is simple: YOU.

You must make yourself in such a way that you are the master of your own destiny. This doesn’t mean that you get everything you want out of life by manipulating everything. It just means that whatever life gives, you are capable of having the kind of experience you wish.

Right now, you are not like this. If someone compliments you, you will become very happy. Maybe you will act humble, but you are so happy to be accepted. Then if someone criticizes you, you become defensive or sad. You hate being rejected.

Like this your entire life has been playing out. Just flitting from one moment of acceptance to another moment of rejection. Just crossing your fingers and hoping life will treat you the way you want is not a good plan.

You must break free of this endless cycle in life. If you do not bring consciousness into your being, you will forever be at the mercy of the external.

Prioritizing should take almost no effort. It is natural to prioritize when you shift your focus inward.

If you learn to explore your inner nature and truly ask yourself what kind of experience you want in this life, prioritizing will not be an issue.

Let’s say you look in your heart and realize you always wanted to be a dancer. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you leave your life behind and tomorrow you go sign up at the local theatre and perform ballet. But to be a dancer means a certain discipline, a certain strength, a certain rhythm, peak health and physicality, and much more.

Reckless people just drop all their current duties and chase after their dreams as if they will come true. You have to have the maturity to do the work required also.

If you are willing to work on what you want in life, then you will naturally prioritize. But how to know your hearts desire?

Often people think finding their true purpose in life is some big event or realization. It can be, but really it’s never something that is too far away. Your hearts desire underlays all that you are currently doing. In your work, your relationships, your hobbies, there will be qualities or clues that all point towards it.

And even if you find out you want to be a dancer or whatever, that too will just evolve into something else.

Most people are too afraid in this life to explore what they truly want and to work for it. To do that would mean they might fail, or worse they may succeed and there will be nowhere to go. Both of these are excuses that will not make you happy.

You want to know how to figure out what you want from life? It’s really easy, just remember that you are going to die.

Time is finite for you on this earth. You are so distracted with your external dramas that now you even want to waste more energy prioritizing which drama should drain you the most!

When you work on what you truly want in this life, it is never draining. It fuels you. The body may need rest, but your will to explore it will never leave you lacking. There are any number of people accomplishing incredible things in this world and enjoying every moment. That could and should be you.

Do not underestimate the fact that you are mortal. It is everything. With that one small realization, you wouldn’t even need to ask your true self for advice anymore. You would understand there is no time to waste, that your life is precious. You would start your life’s work this instant!

Your life’s work is exactly that: It’s your life, your work! Every moment you breathe should be working towards what you wish for most in this life.

Right now you may think this all sounds selfish. It is absolutely selfish, and people need to be more selfish.

If selfishness means you must work towards your ultimate nature, then that is the best thing you can do for this world.

The world has any number of people as you currently are, so focused on so called priorities that they have no time to be conscious. This cumulatively has caused immense suffering to yourself and others and the planet.

But if you work towards your ultimate nature, your heart’s desire, whatever you want to call it – then you will be exuding a grace that helps shape the world within you and around you for the better.

You talk about prioritizing as though you just want to be able to manage life. Stop setting such a low bar. Explore who you are and you won’t just be able to manage things – you will be able to make them shine.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Complaining

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I have a very negative friend who constantly complains to me. They claim to be venting about their work, spouse, etc. However, they never change anything and just keep on annoying me with their incessant complaints. How can I get them to stop complaining and do something about it?

Sincerely,

Complain in the Neck

Dear CITN,

Who’s actually complaining here, you or your friend? It sounds like you are complaining about a complainer!

Perhaps both of you are complainers. But since your friend isn’t asking the question, I can only address you. Besides that, you can not get anyone to do anything in life. You must drop this silly notion of being able to control others.

First let’s take a look at the nature of complaining.

Complaining is a consequence of inaction.

Please look and see, wherever there is a complainer, they will be drowning in excuses to justify their inaction.

If something in life is not going the way you want, then you have to make a choice. Either be okay with what life brings, or make the most out of what it brought you. Even better if you can do both!

But life has given you something maybe a bit difficult or uncomfortable. So rather than accept it or make something beautiful from it, you do nothing and expect change. Sounds like recipe for disaster doesn’t it?

It is this nonacceptance, inaction, and these unrealistic expectations that are the basis of your complaining. If you could drop even just one of these things, the complaining would go away and possibility would arise within you.

Let’s say you accept something you don’t want. What is there to complain about? You’ve made it a part of your experience, it was your doing.

Let’s say you take action to change something life brought you into something more useful or beautiful. If you complain here, what is the use? You’ve already moved past the issue.

Finally, let’s say you drop your expectations. You don’t accept what life brought you, you refuse to do anything about it, but at least you are not stupid enough to expect it to change. So you’ve taken responsibility in a way, that things are the way they are because of you. You can only complain about yourself in this state, so there’s no use here complaining either.

Action is the best of all of these though, because it is the only thing that makes the lemons into lemonade.

You must finally accept once and for all that life is not here to comply to your every whim. We have all learned this lesson a thousand times over by now. Yet we all still operate as though everything should go the way we want it to. Our expectation is if everything goes our way, then life is perfect.

Tell me, the majority of your life, has it gone your way? Have people done what you wanted, acted the way you want them to? Where is this stupid expectation coming from?

The only thing you can say with any certainty is that you can be the way you want to. Other people are out of your hands, but you can always make yourself however you wish.

If you could make yourself any way you wished, would you be a complainer? Would you be negative? Or would you only want the highest level of pleasant, meaningful experience for your life?

The answer is obvious that no one would actively choose an unpleasant existence. But still you are here complaining even though you know better.

This is because when you do not operate consciously, you are an accidental being. An accidental being will always get caught up in dramas, negativity, complaining, and other unpleasant experiences. Every once in a way a nice experience may happen, but they will not be the default.

Only a conscious person can make joy their default state.

You have this capability within you. Perhaps you lack the practice and the skill. But regardless, the potential for you to feel the way you want is unlimited. If you truly just sat and practiced dropping your nonsense and being blissful, you could experience this potential within you.

So your choice is really quite simple: Complain or do something about it!

If you wish, you can manage the external situation. But the real action is internal. Whatever life brings, you choose to make it into a beautiful experience for yourself. This is the height of a conscious being.

You may think time is ticking away every day, but it is really your life that is ticking away. Every moment is precious. You don’t get any of it back, no do-overs, no second chances. If you wanted, you could walk the path of happiness and joy instead of complaining.

Maybe you want a long life. So you complain and get a long face to match your desire for a long life. You know how they say time flies when you’re having fun? If you enjoy your life, trust me, it will just zip by! Only unhappy people feel there life is a long drawn out event.

The reality is that life is short any way you slice it. Your existence is not even a blip in the span of the life process in this cosmos. It is a precious expression of life manifesting through you, and oh so brief.

Do not waste this valuable time complaining – strive to make yourself in such a way that your happiness is your responsibility and no one else’s. Anyway that is the truth.

Your life is in your hands! Make the most of it.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Distractions

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I try to stay disciplined on my spiritual path but I get distracted so easily. After working all day and all my responsibilities with my family, I feel compelled to drown in my distractions. Sitting in front of the TV or computer or my phone feels like necessary downtime. Without it, I have almost no time to myself. Are these distractions if they are serving me to unwind?

Sincerely,

Distraction Jackson

Dear DJ,

Let me be very clear: Everything you do is a distraction.

Life requires nothing from you. There is no written law that says you must work, play, eat, sleep, get married, have kids, make friends…none of it is decided for you. If you wanted, you could simply sit. You could do absolutely nothing, and life would still be yours.

In many ways, what you call as “your” life is just a series of distractions. The only thing you are required to do is one day die. Before you get in a huff, this is not to be morbid or that I am somehow anti-life. It is just to remind you of your mortality.

Life has fixed no other thing for you. It will one day reclaim you, that is the only guarantee. So how will you choose to spend your time?

Life has given you freedom. Freedom to live however you choose. I do not mean that you can guarantee anything externally. If you want your external life to happen a particular way, you must perform the correct actions at the correct time. Even then, it’s not a sure thing. But within yourself, you have total freedom to live however you wish. Perhaps not the skill to do so, but the freedom nonetheless.

So it is all a distraction. Meditation is a distraction. TV is a distraction. Or that is to say, if you are unconscious, it is all a distraction. Living compulsively, turning your existence off and melting into a glazed over state – these are all the qualities of distraction.

What I am saying is the activity itself is not what makes something a distraction. It is how you are when you do it that determines this. Tell me, if when you watch TV you are totally focused, totally attentive, totally involved, is it a distraction? If when you meditate you just shut off and count the minutes until it’s over, is that spiritual growth?

Everything you do must become conscious. Meditation is not sitting with your eyes closed, it is consciously doing whatever you are doing. Even playing on your phone can be a meditative action if you are absolute in your consciousness.

However, some things will be easier for you to be meditative with, others will not.

When humans were evolving on this planet, we spent much time surrounded by nature – trees, wind, water, mountains, and especially fire. All these things made us feel safe, and allowed us to lower our guard and not be so survival mechanism driven.

It is in this state that we started to explore our very being, creating expressions of ourselves that served no survival purpose. Art and creativity became possible.

Even today, simply sitting by nature will have this effect on you. It will be far more difficult to be distracted and far easier to be meditative.

You are so drawn to your devices as a means of “unwinding” because it is the modern day fire – heat and light. Unfortunately, it does not have the same effect on you. Instead of stabilizing you, it winds you up by bombarding you. It doesn’t matter what way you slice it, electronics and the way we use them are overstimulating.

So do no get too bogged down with whether something is a distraction or not. Just understand that being distracted is a choice you make.

If you really are so gung-ho about clinging to your devices, then understand the compulsive aspects of them and work on dropping those. Make yourself absolutely as meditative as possible when enjoying them. But understand this is an uphill battle and a bit like going to McDonald’s and expecting a healthy meal.

The reality is most people are not capable of being so meditative with their distractions. It makes more sense to start with something easy than something difficult, doesn’t it?

There is nothing inherently wrong with enjoying your devices. But please see they are not helping you unwind. They are having the opposite effect. If you do not believe me, try spending one week on your device as your only means of unwinding, then spend the next week in nature to unwind and observe the difference.

Be honest with yourself about your inability to use overstimulating electronics as a means to self-improvement and spiritual growth. Then carve out some time for yourself to do something more meditative. If you could even set aside two minutes a day to just sit in silence, no other objective, the effect it has on your life would be tremendous.

This quality of being meditative is the difference between something being distraction or not. All being meditative means is having a sense of absolute involvement. Whatever you are doing, you are totally participating in. But if you want to be distracted, you will find distractions.

With more space for being meditative in your life, you will start to value your time on this planet more. How you spend it will become more important. Distractions will become less and less an issue, and creating a beautiful life will become an absolute priority within you.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Giving

~ SE ~ 1 Comment

Dear True Self,

I consider myself to be a caring and generous person. For example, if someone I know is in need of money, I will often lend it to them. However, there are some friends that don’t pay me back, or borrow my things without returning them, or they damage my stuff.

I want to help but it feels like I am being taken advantage of. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Get What You Give

Dear GWYG,

You speak as though you are giving, but then your actions do not reflect giving at all. They reflect an invisible contract, one that only you seem to know about. If you give with expectation of some return, it’s not a gift, it’s an investment.

First of all, you must take responsibility for your expectations. If you want the other to follow certain requirements before you give them something, then you must communicate that.

Then, you must let them know the consequences of not adhering to your contract.

Finally, if they don’t follow through, you must be willing to follow through on your consequence.

I am not suggesting you treat every transaction you have so rigidly, but you need to respect that people cannot read your mind, and you need to respect yourself enough to not enable people who misuse generosity.

This is the common sense practical answer, and it may suffice you in general dealings.

However, this isn’t really about making invisible contracts visible. Doing so is considerate of other’s needs and your needs, and you should always behave in a way that makes life simpler and more beautiful for yourself and others. But in and of itself, it’s not the solution.

This is about the nature of giving that lies within you.

Within you there is clearly a strong desire to give. It is an expression of your true self. But it has been tainted by your fear. Fear of losing what you give, fear of being taken advantage of, fear of being vulnerable.

When you give, you must give in such a way that you expect nothing. The act of giving alone should be your focus.

If you closely examine life, you will see that everything is giving in this manner. Take our star for example. The sun is giving us the very source of our life is it not? Without it, there is no earth, no water, no land, no air, no you!

But the sun hasn’t put conditions on you receiving its gifts. It just exudes, constantly giving. Its whole life is an act of giving. Up until it’s very last moment it will be giving. Then again, even in death, it’s remnants will become the fertile soil from which a new system will form.

In this same way, you must give yourself. Give yourself in such a way that each moment you enrich the lives of everyone and everything around you.

It may sound as though this will be draining or taxing. But giving does not cost you anything. This is not that you must constantly sacrifice yourself for some greater good. It is just that anyway your life is being spent here on this planet. In some way or another, it is being used up, isn’t it?

If you live out of fear of what may happen, then you will always be hoarding and reserving your existence. But this is not a natural way to be. If the sun struggled and tried to hold on to it’s energy, the results would be catastrophic.

No, you must simply give. Whatever the moment requires, you give. Giving opens you up in a way where this existence can just flow in.

If you are full, you can receive nothing. You are full of expectations based from fear. So you claim to “give”, but you are not giving anything of value, only drama. I ask you, are you truly helping anyone when you give in this way?

Giving is a natural way of being. It should be like exhaling. You don’t exhale and then tell the trees “Okay, now you must exhale your oxygen for me, or else!” The tree is just giving 100%, it will give you what you need with or without your contract.

So don’t treat your other transactions in life any different. Just give. Trust that in doing so, you will open up space within yourself. With that openness, life will have no choice but to come flooding into you.

The person you helped may never repay you. But it’s not about that. You should have no concern about what you receive. Only have concern for how much you give.

The more you give, the more you shed. You shed your expectations, your attachments, your fears…Every time you give, you immediately receive the best gift possible, the loss of things which do not serve you!

That alone would be enough. Just to shed all this nonsense we have would be so grand. But life is even better than that. You give, you shed, and then more beauty can come and permeate your existence, because you are receptive.

Treat life like there is no such thing as receiving, only giving. It’s a beautiful way to live that quickly drops your limitations and allows you to grow.

Every time you interact with someone or something, you give. Give your attention, give your energy, give your love, give your compassion, give the very best of yourself. Do not hoard it! Give it to your enemies, give it to your friends, give it to strangers! You giving does not require anything from anyone else.

You will slowly start to see that just as you are giving, so is all of life. So every raindrop, every breath, every hug, every scowl, every rock, every argument, every damn thing – you will treat as a gift too.

If you treat giving as some sort of altruism, you will just create more nonsense for yourself. You will call yourself a good person because you help out, but everything you give comes at a price, even if the price is not money.

You want to give? Then GIVE. Give the best gift you can, yourself. Strive to give the very deepest resonance of who you are in every moment. Be the embodiment of all the best you wish to see in the world.

That is the only form of giving that exists. Anything else you do is not giving, it is just your fear masquerading as it.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.