On Fear

Dear True Self,

I suffer from anxiety. I often get very afraid of how things will turn out and it prevents me from taking action in my life. I even find that at times I might say something just to please someone even if it’s not how I really feel or what I really wanted to say. Anxiety is so crippling and I hate the idea of taking medications. I want a solution, not something to mask it. How can I stop being so afraid and overcome my fears?

Sincerely,

Afraid and Anxious

 

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Dear AAA,

So many people suffer from anxiety. If you look at society, it is rapidly increasing as a diagnosis in people, especially in the west. More and more people are taking medication for this. But as you said, the medicine is only a mask, not the solution.

Have you ever cooked something in your home, opened the oven door, then a few moments later….

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!!

The alarm goes off. So what do you do? You run over to the alarm and turn it off. But you probably need to realize your oven needs cleaning.

Taking medication for anxiety and other such diseases in today’s society often means just turning off the alarm, which is the signal your body is sending you to take care of your mental health. If you just ignore the signal, the gunk will build up inside of you, just as it does in that oven, and the signal will just go off more and more often.

But you’ve discovered a solution! Just take out the batteries from the alarm! No more beeping! This is essentially what signal inhibiting medication is accomplishing. Though it may give you a reprieve from the loud beeping, it will not give you a way to improve your mental health or to be rid of the fear.

I don’t say this to shame people who are on medication. If it helps them, then I am all for it. But treat it as a life preserver – it will help you stay afloat. While afloat, use the help to find a solution so you don’t need to be medicated endlessly.

Let’s take a look at how your anxiety functionally works.

Anxiety is like a roller coaster ride. You are slowly climbing up the roller coaster, and enjoying the view as you go. But as you get higher and higher, you get more and more tense, as you know an equally large fall is about to come. And at the top, right before the fall – that is the hardest part, as you can see exactly how steep it is. But now it’s too late, you can’t get off. In order to avoid this cycle, you will say or do almost anything as you mentioned, but avoiding will not solve your problem.

First you must realize, there is no such thing as fear.

That’s not super useful, but I say it so you can understand a fundamental truth about existence: All your emotions are merely energy, they just have a chemical basis. This includes fear. All energy is just LIFE energy manifesting in countless ways. If you are willing to practice, you can transform even fear into joy, happiness, pleasure…whatever you want. But how to do that, especially when you feel crippled by anxiety?

Right now, you are compulsively reacting with fear – that same intensity you put into compulsively reacting, if you just consciously turn it around into joy or pleasantness, it too will blossom with the same intensity. The only reason fear has taken such a hold of you is that you have practiced it much more than joy.

People often don’t want to believe that life is simple. It truly is. You want to be happy? Just practice it! You see, you have two clear choices:

React to life and your survival mechanism will dictate everything, mainly from a place of fear,

OR

Respond to life consciously, the way you want to.

Yes, it will be difficult at first. I said it’s simple, but it’s not always easy. But you must start to practice. Courage is not the absence of fear. It is acting even in spite of fear. You do not need to go headfirst into your fears to conquer them. You can, nothing wrong with doing it that way – but this way can be painful. If you just find the courage to smile when afraid, be grateful for what you have, forgive yourself…things will turn around. At first, it will take a moment. The fear may have a stranglehold – but if you just keep consciously choosing to be pleasant, or to handle the fear with some amount of grace, eventually it will turn around, and start moving in a more useful direction for you.

Your fear serves no one, least of all you. If it rears its head, don’t give it so much importance. Simply treat it like a smoke alarm, reminding you to clean your oven. The way to clean it is to smile and practice your joy and pleasantness. You need it most of all in moments like that.

There are many other things that can help you of course. A practice that helps bring calm, stillness, and peace to the mind needs to become a daily occurrence in people’s lives. We live in a society that is always flooring the gas pedal. Without a daily stillness practice, no amount of “trying to be happy” will help you. In spite of all I just said, you will struggle a lot when afraid to choose pleasantness.

Meditation and yoga asanas (postures) are a tried and tested way to calm the mind. Not only that, a daily practice will monumentally increase your capability in handling stress and bring a sense of ease to life.

It may not be what you wanted to hear, but the gist of it is this:

Your mind is not taking instructions from you. If you want it to start, then you have to consciously, patiently, in as many moments as you can remember to, practice choosing joy. Choosing the way you want your inner world to be.

The mind is a wonderful servant and a terrible master. Take the reins.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

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