Dear True Self,
How can I be more focused? I find I have a hard time keeping my attention on any one thing. Either I get distracted or my mind wanders or I get bored. Especially for things like meditation or chores or repetitive tasks at work I can’t for the life of me stay focused. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Focus Pocus
Dear FP,
It is the nature of the mind to wander. Most people associate themselves very strongly with their mind. But the mind is not who you are.
Look at it this way, if your mind is in charge, who is in charge of the mind? There is something else within you that is the source of everything you call as “you” or your identity.
But don’t start hallucinating and saying,
“I am god, I am the source of everything!”
This isn’t about making up some nonsense you haven’t yet experienced. Just look at it logically.
Your mind is just a bunch of info and experiences you’ve accumulated. If we took away all those, your identity would be gone, but you would still exist. There must be something else within you that is beyond the mind. No need to give it a name.
Why am I talking about all this mind and beyond and what does it have to do with focus?
Once you suspect that you are more than your mind, you can make a very important distinction. The mind is no longer you, it is just a tool you have. Best to learn how to use that tool, or else it will use you!
It is important to start distancing yourself from your strong identification with your thoughts. What I mean by this is is to start witnessing rather than try to control your thoughts.
Trying not to think about something will not work, in fact, it will only intensify what you are trying to avoid. Just observe them, whatever they are, and let them pass.
At first this will be difficult. But as many times a day as you can, especially when doing things that challenge your focus, try to just witness your thoughts rather than get lost in them. If you find yourself drifting out of focus, just gently bring your focus back to what you are doing, not to what the mind is doing.
Let’s say you are entering data in a spreadsheet at work. Anyone can see how this could be an extremely dull task. But it is also an opportunity for you to be present. When the mind wanders, obsessing about the past or fantasizing about the future, just come back to what you are doing, as often as you can remember to.
Make a meditation out of such tasks. Feel the sensations, ground yourself in the moment.
It is important to note that any repetitive task you do will become dull. Without conscious effort into experiencing the moment, without the necessary focus, you will become complacent, bored. Even practicing things as I have described will be a slow process unless you are dedicated to your own growth.
Even I can realize how unsatisfying this all sounds. For all the talk about the mind, I haven’t truly given an easy way to stay focused.
First, it’s important to experience being the witness of your thoughts. Otherwise focus is impossible; you will endlessly sabotage yourself. So first practice being that witness. Now, we can enter into an easier way to stay focused.
The mind is a fickle tool. Thoughts happen quickly and can turn on a dime. You can endlessly chase your thoughts, getting nowhere. Luckily, there’s another option.
Your emotions are far easier to use for your focus.
Emotions are just a different manifestation of thoughts. Thoughts happen instantly and leave just as fast. But emotions have a certain refractory period. Once you feel a certain way, it lingers.
We’ve all experienced this. You are annoyed with something. Maybe you realize you don’t want to be annoyed. But still, the feeling is there in you. It takes some time, some deep breaths, then you calm down and are no longer annoyed. But it’s not instant.
If you consciously use your emotion however, the same is true. Take that spreadsheet data again. But this time, focus your attention on your emotion. Choose how you want to enter that data. Perhaps you want to enter it joyfully, with gratitude, or with love.
Because of the way emotions tend to linger, it is far easier to focus on how you do something rather than what you are doing.
The mind is always concerned with what you are doing. The heart with how you do it.
Now, if you could choose in each moment of your life how you want to do anything, no matter what it is, what would you choose? Would you choose to have negative or unpleasant emotions? Of course you would choose the most pleasant experience for yourself.
The reality is you always have this choice. You may dress it up and blame your boss or your spouse or your neighbour for the way you feel right now, but in the end it is only within you that the feeling is happening. You manufacture it.
Most of the time, because your emotions are reactionary, you feel like something else is the cause. Just because you may not be skilled at feeling the way you want on command, doesn’t mean that you aren’t capable of doing so. It just takes practice.
So use the things that you have the most trouble with as opportunities to practice sweet emotions. Take the boring, repetitive, dull things you loathe and practice that sweetness. What have you got to lose, anyway you have to do these things, might as well do them in a way you enjoy, no?
The gist of what I am saying is you are responsible for your own happiness. Though you have asked about focus, this is really about how much you are enjoying your life.
Just be happy with the way life is. Hone how you want to be in each moment. What you do is irrelevant. Tell me, if you are enjoying doing something, does anyone have to give you tips on staying focused?
So the key to your focus lies in having a pleasant experience. Find the joy in everything you do, because it truly is a blessing to be alive to experience anything. From there focus won’t be an obstacle.
With gratitude,
Your True Self
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Dear True Self 