Dear True Self,
I try to do a lot of work on myself and spiritual growth is important to me. But I find that even though I know I should do things like be honest, gentle, kind, etc, my ego comes in and I start acting selfishly. The ego is always sabotaging me! How do I work on ridding myself of it?
Sincerely,
Leggo my Ego
Dear LME,
How the hell are you going to get rid of something that doesn’t exist?
People like to talk about ego on the spiritual path. It often feels like there is a true self underneath all that you are, and the ego is in the way of it. Your true self is there for sure, but this idea of the ego is something that you have invented.
Tell me, when something in your life goes the way you want, where is this ego? Is it there to receive credit for the good?
No, only when something doesn’t go the way you want, then suddenly the ego appears! Now you have a convenient target to dump unto. Ego is there so you can have someone to blame.
You see, what you call as ego is just a scapegoat. Why can’t you just be honest with yourself and take responsibility? It is you that is responsible for your life. That includes the good and bad, the ups and downs, all of it.
When you name all the bads and downs as “my ego”, then you’re just shirking responsibility. When you shirk responsibility, you remove any power you had to change it.
Take a look at this example – Let’s say you are walking down the street and see a piece of garbage on the ground. If you find a scapegoat for this garbage, you will never pick it up. You can blame the problem on people who litter, on the government, on just about damn near anyone. You take no responsibility, therefore you don’t have to do anything.
But let’s say instead you look at that garbage and say “this is my doing, I am responsible”. Now you have options. It’s not about blaming yourself; obviously you didn’t drop it there. But you are responsible in that moment for it being there. If you do nothing, it will still be there won’t it? You are complicit.
The litter is your responsibility the moment it came into your experience. Everything that happens in your experience is like this. Everything in your life is your responsibility.
Because the external world has easy targets to blame, scapegoating is simple. But inside, there’s just you, so you had to create some other person called the ego to put the blame on. Please see how you are just avoiding taking responsibility for your life.
I emphasize responsibility because you must understand that it is the first most basic step towards making life the way you want it. You should take responsibility for everything in this existence, only then will you work towards improving life for everyone.
But more important than that is taking responsibility for your internal world. No more bullshitting yourself with the ego. If you are in a bad mood, it’s your responsibility. If you’re feeling challenged, it’s your responsibility. No matter what, your life is your responsibility and yours alone.
If you really must give a name to what is inside you, just call it your identity. But your identity includes everything that you call as you: your relationships, your titles, your roles, your job, your hobbies. It isn’t like the convenient ego that is only the bad stuff.
If you want to get to the truth of who you are, you must drop your identity. This doesn’t mean just the challenging stuff that you don’t like. It means your whole identity. All of it, even the “good stuff”.
When you strip away every last bit of your identity, what is left will be something that requires nothing of you. The source of who you are. It is total, it is complete.
Don’t go on endlessly categorizing yourself. Putting things in the pro and con bucket, calling the con bucket the ego, then trying to destroy the ego. What a waste of time and a silly game.
The game of the ego is just a trap for you to feel like you are spiritually growing but in reality you’re just avoiding the real work of dropping it all.
If you want to be your true self, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. It’s a fire sale: everything must go!
Let’s start by dropping the ego. There’s only you in there. If there’s two people inside you, then it’s time to see the psychiatrist isn’t it? Trust me, one person is enough to deal with, you don’t need two!
With gratitude,
Your True Self
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