Dear True Self,
Lately I have just been so exhausted. I feel like life is just so draining, trying to balance work and family. Any tips on how to manage my energy better?
Sincerely,
So Very Tired
Dear SVT,
There is a large machine that you are sitting in the middle of. You have become the mechanic of this machine, continuously having to keep all the gears in good order and moving smoothly.
But it’s a 24/7 job with no breaks and no pay! And if you stop managing any aspect of it, the whole machine is at risk of falling apart.
Of course someone who is working 24/7 simply to keep something from falling apart is going to be exhausted. It is just a constant struggle of putting out fires. There is no room for play or exuberance when you are like this.
Have you ever heard the saying if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail? Like this, you are approaching everything in your life from a singular, limited angle. You are seeing it all as something that you have to meticulously micro manage. So of course everywhere you look in your life, you see only problems that need fixing.
Life does not need your constant interference in order to thrive. In fact, life will thrive more without your interference. Somewhere along the way you started to believe that life is just one big problem and you are the only one that can fix it.
The truth is there is no problem. There is nothing for you to manage. Perhaps it’s time to let the machine fall apart.
I’m not saying that you must quit your job, leave your family, drop the whole life you have built for yourself. This has nothing to do with the outside. The only reason that your work and family have become such a burden is because of how you are keeping your internal self.
The machine you are trapped in is not the outside life you have. The machine is the armour you are wearing to avoid hurt and pain.
You see, inside, you have decided that everything must be a particular way. Your family must be one way, your job another. It must all go exactly to your expectations.
But the problem does not lie with the outside, the problem is all in your mind. You have become attached to life being manicured in some specific way, and you cannot bear the idea of it becoming anything else.
The only machine you are obsessed with managing is your own fear. Your fear of life changing. Tell me, does anything in this universe stay the way it is without ever changing? Obviously all things have their season.
If you go on thinking that you can keep life in a box or boundary forever, all you are doing is ensuring that life comes and punishes you for such foolish behaviour. The longer and harder you try to prevent natural change, the more exhausted you become, and the more difficult and dramatic the fallout will be when it all falls apart.
Stop trying so hard to manage your psychological nonsense. All these expectations and conclusions you have about how life should be are totally worthless. Every moment is fresh and unique. Why manage them? There is more beauty to be found in how this moment is, the way it is, than there is in you managing every little detail.
Just see how trapped you have become by this armor you wear. Has all this managing made you any more blissful? Any more joyful? Any more at ease, any less stressed? No, you are absolutely exhausted by it!
Everywhere you go you wear this heavy, heavy armor. How can you move with any sense of grace, levity, beauty? You are weighed down only by what you are carrying, not what life brings you.
If you want to stop being exhausted, you need to start becoming vulnerable to life. It’s time to take off the armour.
All life is simply energy. We are all fueled by this energy at every level, whether it is the air you breathe or the sun’s light or a conversation, it is all the same energy fundamentally. The source of creation is always pouring into you.
But when you trap yourself in some machine with so many cogs, it become hard for life to fuel you, to penetrate you. You must drop all this armor if you want to feel the sunlight on your skin.
Move through life without all your armour. All your expectations and ideas you have of pinning down life are only coming from fear of suffering. Pain may come in life. Sometimes, life is like that. But suffering is your choice.
Whatever life brings you, be vulnerable to it. Whether you get something joyful or painful, you make the most of it! That is the beauty of being human, you have this capability.
So how to manage your energy better and be less exhausted? Don’t manage it at all. No one likes to be managed. But everyone likes to be included.
Like this, stop managing your life. Just be vulnerable, include everything that happens to you as a part of you. Accept its role, then when it is time for it to pass, you can easily drop it.
Your exhaustion will go away, your energy will increase only when you stop being afraid and just walk each moment the way it is, with full stride. Yes, it is scary to just let things be. But the freedom that comes with it is far better than anything you could create through your micro managing.
With gratitude,
Your True Self
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Dear True Self 