On Blame

~ SE ~ 1 Comment

Dear True Self,

I have a hard time taking responsibility for things in my life. I place the blame on others for the circumstances I am in. But sometimes, it feels like if other people just acted differently my situation would be different. What should I do? Should I be accountable even when something isn’t my fault? I feel like that just enables others and isn’t empowering me.

Sincerely,

Same Old Blame Game

Dear SOBG,

There is a difference between assuming responsibility and taking action. Just because you take responsibility doesn’t mean you have to do any external action. It just means that you are choosing how you want yourself to be.

When you take responsibility for the things in your life, it opens up possibilities. Even if something is not your fault, not your doing – it is still best to hold yourself accountable.

The truth is your life is your responsibility, and no one else’s. When I say life I don’t mean the people you know and the job you work. Life is you! You are life! Shifting blame takes it out of your hands.

You can never control the external circumstances 100%. In fact, for the vast majority of situations in your life you will have very little control – over how people act, the setting, the timing, etc.

But the good news is you can learn to manage your internal world. That is 100% in your power. You may not be very good at it, but it is within your capability to learn how to manage yourself in such a way that your life is beautiful.

You see, if you want your actions to have a certain result, so many variables need to move accordingly. But no matter what the result of your actions, if you don’t take responsibility for how you are, then you are just a reactionary human being.

It doesn’t matter what someone did. In your mind, they are at fault. You want to blame them. But it’s never that black and white. If you don’t see your role in the situation, you will never grow. You will never learn. You will only strengthen your ability to blame others and avoid your own self.

Blaming others is a very tempting game to play. It takes all responsibility from you, shifts it to someone else, and since you can’t control the other, you can just walk away and proclaim “It’s all their fault, but what to do?”

It doesn’t help to blame yourself either. This isn’t about blaming anyone. Or when things go well this isn’t about taking credit or assigning credit. This is about moving from a reactionary mindset to a responsive one.

When you react, you are unconscious. Something happens, it triggers you in some way, and you react. But to respond means that you have taken the reigns of your life. No matter what life has given, you can make the choice of how you want to be.

Let’s say someone is helping you move some furniture, and they drop it on your foot. The reactionary mind will jump immediately to pain, anger, blame. But that will serve neither you nor the person who dropped the furniture. It won’t make the pain go away. All it will do is poison your mindset, create a self-talk that is toxic.

But what if in that moment you make a choice to respond? Maybe you still had an initial reaction, but you are able to take a moment and think about how you want to be right now. Yes it hurts. Yes it is unfortunate the person dropped something on your foot. But tell me, when in a moment of pain, would you rather make the experience more pleasant or more unpleasant?

Obviously you would not choose to make the situation worse. Yet that is exactly what blame does. Only when you take responsibility for your own reactions can you turn them into responses.

So you take responsibility for that furniture on your foot. It’s not the other person’s job to make sure you respond in way that’s best for you – only you can do that. This doesn’t mean you are some cowering lamb who says “You didn’t drop that furniture, I did. It’s my fault, I blame myself!”

There is no fault. Something just happened that you didn’t prefer. What will you do with that situation? If you shirk your responsibility and blame, you will satisfy yourself in the short term. But in the long term, you will lose sight of the truth – that your happiness and well-being is a path you constantly walk, not some reward you can claim.

If you want to walk that path, it will not happen unconsciously. So stop blaming others for how your life is in this moment. Your life is your doing. It’s not your blame or their blame. It’s just simply your doing.

Isn’t that fantastic? Your happiness is not in someone else’s hands! All you have to do is take responsibility for how you are in this moment, and the freedom to act in your best interest will become available.

This is why blame is pointless – not because of some morality of who is right and who is wrong. That kind of thinking will only bring you surface level satisfaction. If you want life to flourish for you, take responsibility for everything that happens. Blame only robs you of the freedom to live the best life possible.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Guilt

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

Whenever I make mistake, even if it’s a small one, I feel so guilty. Especially when it comes to other people that I have hurt, I feel tremendous guilt. It feels so hard sometimes to let go of my guilt and I just feel like I don’t deserve to move on from it. What can I do to get rid of all this guilt?

Sincerely,

Guilty Until Proven Innocent

Dear GUPI,

Guilt is a personal hell you create for yourself. Once in it, all vibrancy from life is gone. All will to see the beauty in life seems out of reach, impossible to ever see again. You feel like the only option is to go deeper into the guilt, intensifying it. I feel great sympathy for those trapped in such a torment. It’s the worst kind of prison.

We all make mistakes from time to time. In reality, there are no mistakes, but often when things don’t work out the way we hoped, we may label our actions as mistakes. There has never been a single human being who has ever lived who had 100% of their actions go the way they wanted. I would wager that no human has even had 10% of their actions go as they wanted. The important thing is that you do what you can to learn from them so you don’t endlessly repeat the same mistakes over and over.

Guilt can not help you learn. Guilt doesn’t help you grow. Guilt doesn’t serve you or anyone else around you. It only serves itself. It’s important to learn to see all your so called failure as an opportunity, otherwise guilt is inevitable.

Failure will always be the greatest teacher we have in life. A wise person will make the most out of any situation they give to them. Life is always bursting with opportunity and possibilities. But guilt puts you in such a state that you will see no such avenues. Only one path is before you: more guilt.

To have guilt is like having a heavy rock on your chest. It weighs and pins you down. It is all you feel. You can’t sing, dance, jump, play…how can you when there is such a heavy weight burdening you? On your heart of all places? For you to feel alive again, it must go.

So far I haven’t given you much of a solution to your guilt. I’ve only described what guilt is and how it operates. It is important you understand the nature of guilt so you know how to navigate out of it. Most importantly, so you know how to not feed it in the first place so you never have to navigate out of it. Tell me what’s better, endlessly putting rocks on your chest and having to remove them, or not putting them there in the first place?

I think we can both agree, guilt is not a useful state of being to put yourself in. So let’s first look at what got you into it in the first place.

There is a part of your mind that is obsessed with achieving results. Unless you can get a reward for your actions, you won’t go for it. This part of the mind is where guilt is ready to pounce. The moment you take the risk and fail, guilt rushes in to tell you how stupid you are for making that mistake and how bad you should feel. It is always there to tell you that you should have known and done better. Guilt is your worst critic, not just because of how harsh it is, but because it’s totally and utterly wrong about you.

Just because you fail doesn’t change the fact that you are a wonderful human being. All people are. I don’t say this as some feel good reassurance. There are plenty of people in the world doing horrible things, sometimes even you fall into that category. But you are all still wonderful. That is because to be human is wonderful. It is the most advanced form life can take on this planet, an evolutionary marvel!

Above all, each human, including you, is unique. No one else will ever be like you or has been. You have many special things to offer. Existence would be incomplete without you here right now.

You don’t have to do anything to be that special person either. You already are. But you believe that somehow you are incomplete, and so you keep on chasing being different than how you are.

It may sound like I am saying two opposite things: Make the most of life and grow and change, and at the same time you are perfect the way you are and don’t need to change. That is not what I am saying. What I am saying is that you are full of unlimited potential. If it is unlimited then by it’s very nature you can never achieve it.

That might not sound reassuring, that you have unlimited potential that you can never achieve. But you should always desire to grow, because that is how all life functions. To deny or suppress it will drive you crazy. Still at the same time, keep the stable foundation within you that you are special, unique, beautiful. You’re not growing or changing because you’re trying to get anywhere, it’s just so you can enjoy the ride!

You see, if you can learn to shift your way of being from results focused to process focused, then guilt won’t have as much power over you. What do I mean by this?

Let’s say you are washing your hands. Of course, there is a reason for doing so – you want them to be clean. Perhaps they got dirty, perhaps you’re just keeping off the germs. Like this, every action you do will have some result. Sometimes that result is a benefit, other times, not so much.

If you had no goal, no reason to wash your hands, why would you ever do it? But if the goal outweighs the journey, you’ll never really experience the joy that can come from such a simple act. The sensation of the water running through your fingertips. The temperature against your skin. The feeling of rubbing your hands together. There is so much more to be involved in during the process than there is with the result.

I’m not talking about obsessing over meticulously cleaning your hands like some kind of hand washing fanatic. I am just saying that your attention needs to shift to the moment. The simple pleasures of the moment and all they can offer you. It may seem like a silly exercise, but it is truly a gift that you even have hands, have water! If washing your hands was the last thing you did, wouldn’t you want to be as involved as you could be?

Let’s say instead you wash your hands but care only about the result. Then the only way that you will do it is robotically. Because having the result of clean hands doesn’t require you to enjoy even one second of the process, you will place no importance on the pleasantness of the experience.

If you go about life achievement obsessed, there is no room for beauty. Every time you fail will just be a moment of self criticism. You will be so hard on yourself. Eventually, that seed of constantly seeing failure as an obstacle will blossom into the guilt you are feeling now. Guilt is a complex and ugly flower, ready to mask all beauty from your experience of life.

The hardest people to help are those that don’t feel they are worthy of the beauty of life. When someone is in such a hell, it’s hard to give them any solution. But you must bring yourself back to the beautiful things life has to offer, or get help doing so.

Don’t let guilt rob you of this gift you were given, this experience of being alive here and now. Don’t believe all the lies it whispers in your ear about your inadequacy and unworthiness.

Guilt will fall off your chest if you stop feeding it. Now is not the time to isolate yourself from the things that you love and enjoy or to deny yourself the simple pleasures each moment has to offer. No, now more than ever is the time you absolutely require them.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Balance

~ SE ~ 1 Comment

Dear True Self,

I have a hard time finding balance in my life. Often I am just one extreme to the other. Really high highs followed by really low lows. How can I achieve balance in my life?

Sincerely,

Imbalancing Act

Dear IA,

I want you to observe life. I am not talking about the decorations of your life: the job, the spouse, the friends, the car, etc. I am talking about the very way this existence functions.

When you observe life, you will notice something that applies to all of creation, no matter what it is. This is what is referred to as the life process.

For a seed to become a flower, it doesn’t just one day go “POOF!” and transform. It may seem that way, and in fact, when spring arrives the flowers seem to just suddenly burst forth. But in reality, there were numerous steps along the way, a whole process to cultivate the event of the blooming.

You are life, aren’t you? You may think you are somehow separate from life, different from the story of the seed and the flower. But of course you are life! Everything that exists is life. It all functions by this same method, including you.

But True Self, what does any of this have to do with finding balance?

Just like the seed becomes the flower, you have many events and experiences that are blooming in your life. There are moments where you feel buried, trapped in a hard place, surrounded by darkness, like the seed. There are moments where you feel alive, bursting forth, in the light, reborn, exuding, like the flower.

But if the flower didn’t go from one extreme to the other, then how can you? Do you think that you’re just going from one extreme to the other like magic, with nothing in between?

There has always been a process going on between your highs and lows. The only issue is whether you are doing that process unaware or not. If you deeply examined one of your high to low swings, you would see there were so many steps between one extreme to the other. You would see the gradient.

You see, in many ways, there is nothing wrong with having high highs and low lows. There is nothing wrong with it because in reality, there is no such thing as a high or a low. You just have preference to one over the other, so you label each moment. You think the high is awesome and the low is unnecessary or unfair.

But from life’s perspective, or it’s rules, the seed and the flower and all the steps in between are all equal. They are all just as valid, just as necessary. The high cannot happen without the low and vice versa. They may seem divisible, but they are inseparable.

This is not because highs and lows are opposites. They do not contradict each other. Rather, they are complimentary, holding each other’s hand and dancing. Each taking over when the other gives space, only to switch places again. It is the eternal dance, the only dance, the dance of life!

I could tell you all kinds of tips about quieting the mind, or learning more restfulness, or some other tool. But without this fundamental understanding of how life functions, you will be endlessly spinning your wheels.

Balance is not about compromise. It’s not about finding some middle ground between the high and the low. It is not about finding the medium. It is about understanding that only when you accept the lows as much as you accept the highs, when you stop preferring one over the other, that you are finally liberated.

If you practice having reverence and respect for each moment of your life, something will happen to your perspective. Without exaggerating or suppressing what is happening, just try to see it for what it is. Acknowledge that every step you take in life is part of a process, and is equally important. Then balance will not be something you have to try to find, it will just come into your experience.

If this one thing can shift in your consciousness, that life is a process and every moment of your life matters in that process, there is no question of balance. You will naturally strive to see the moment for what it is, and that will bring balance.

Am I trying to say that you should become some kind of sadist, loving the misery of life? No, I am saying that it doesn’t matter if you live for one million years, you will never be able to change the life process. But you can stop seeing things as so black and white.

Every seed needs soil. And just like the seed has no idea if it will emerge a flower, you can never truly know what your potential is. You can never know why you’re here or why this existence is the way it is. You can only know that it is the way it is, and that it’s all your making.

Have you not had some moments in your life where you were sure that it was the worst thing to ever happen? And then in retrospect, you wouldn’t change it? Why is that? Only because you have grown, a blossoming happened within you, that you would never take back.

You may not know where you’re going. You may not know what will blossom, if anything. But please know this much: Your whole life is a process. Every step matters. See the lows and the highs for the illusions they are and you will learn to appreciate them and make the most out of either. If you can do this, balance is inevitable.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Limitations

~ SE ~ 1 Comment

Dear True Self,

I often wish that I was better than I currently am. Sometimes it’s my health – I want to be more physically fit, have better endurance, get sick less. Other times it’s with my knowledge or skills – I look around and see others who are just so much better than me at their jobs, sports, art, music…

I try to improve myself, but often I find I just give up without seeing any real results. That or I get lazy and just never really put in the effort to get better. I want to live up to my potential but can’t seem to find the dedication. Any solutions?

Sincerely,

Lazy but Limitless

Dear LBL,

If you want to become skilled at anything – whether it’s that piano sitting unplayed in the corner or your very body that is slowly becoming less able – you must put in the work.

If you do nothing, nothing will happen.

The human mind has put in place barriers for your growth. You want to be better than you are, but you feel there is some wall you must cross. You feel daunted by this.

It’s not good enough for you that you grow and become better, you want to be as good as that person, or your neighbour, or that celebrity. Your growth is yours. Their growth is theirs. Comparing the two is pointless and a trap.

The reality is there are no barriers. There are no limitations. When it comes to what you can learn, how much you can grow, this universe has set no such limit for you. Does this mean that if you grab a feather and believe in yourself like Dumbo you too can fly? It’s not about doing the impossible. It’s that there are countless possibilities in every moment. Focusing on what you can’t do will always cause you to resign.

It is this trap that you are labeling as laziness or lack of effort. This isn’t about what you are lacking. It is how you are framing your potential.

Life is a beautiful process. In every single thing in this existence, the more you look at it, the more you see. A single leaf can occupy your attention for 10,000 lifetimes and you still will not know it in it’s entirety.

Yet you believe there is some point, some destination for your own growth. You believe that if you compare yourself to someone else, that is the bar for your own growth. This way if you reach the bar you can stagnate, and if you don’t reach it you can give up and stagnate too. Either way, you have put a limitation where there needed be any. Your limitations are all your own creation.

When you become obsessed with only the result of your effort, all you see are limitations. Let’s say you want to achieve a certain weight, or memorize every move of a dance. Nothing wrong with setting those goals. But if you ignore the steps it takes to get there, you will never get there.

Become devoted to the process. In every step along the way of learning and growing, be involved. If you’re learning to ice skate, revel in tying the laces! Treat every step as equally important, no matter how trivial.

When you start to explore your potential like this, shifting from results oriented to process oriented, something beautiful happens within you. Instead of learning some single thing, you instead learn how to grow. With this as a foundation, you will become the kind of person that wherever you decide to put your attention, you will flourish.

Life is short. The time you have here is your only true limitation. You can’t do everything, but you can do something. Where you decide to dedicate your attention becomes your life. Tell me, should you keep putting it towards endless comparisons and traps of laziness?

Aside from your mortality, there are no limitations. What you call a limitation is merely opportunity. If the seed believes the soil it is planted in is a limitation, it will never grow and blossom. But if it sees it as an opportunity, it makes the most of what it’s given and grows anyway.

Make the most of your life. Grow no matter what. The truth is all your desires, all the goals you have, the only reason you have them is because they come from within you. Whatever challenges appear in reaching those goals are all there for you as well. They are exactly what you need, exactly what you are equipped to handle.

Your process is ideally suited for you. And you are ideally suited for it. Do you want to see it as a limitation or an opportunity? That is up to you to decide,

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

 

On Conclusions

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

Lately I’ve been noticing that I jump to conclusions very quickly. Even though I know better than to just make assumptions, that’s where my mind immediately goes and I have a hard time dropping my conclusions once I’ve made them. How can I overcome this and see things more accurately?

Sincerely,

In Conclusion

Dear IC,

If you want to experience the full depth and breath that is your life, with absolute clarity, then inclusion is the only way. You must become vulnerable to all of life that is happening within you and around you.

However when you draw conclusions, you set boundaries. A boundary by it’s very nature excludes one thing from another. This leads you away from inclusion, away from clarity.

You say you jump to conclusions very quickly, meaning it is compulsive behaviour. Anything that is compulsively occurring within you is only working for your survival, not to make your life vibrant.

The hallmark of your survival mechanism is that it is triggered by stressful stimuli. Many things can cause this. Although we don’t really have to fear being mauled by a lion in the jungle on a day to day basis anymore, we have other systems we rely on for survival – money, social structures, relationships…the list goes on and on. Anything that threatens those types of systems will make our survival instinct kick in and start running the show.

You see, your whole identity is tied into survival. So anything that even slightly threatens what you call your identity: your opinions, your worldview, your ideologies, even the way you style your hair or dress – will trigger you into survival mode.

Unfortunately, society has become structured in such a way that our survival mechanism is constantly being triggered. In this state of perpetual stress, drawing conclusions will become a way of life.

If you can learn to see conclusions for what they are you wouldn’t dare knowingly draw them anymore.

Conclusions are just a cage you have built around yourself. It doesn’t matter how pretty you make the cage, what decorations you hang up, what justifications you have for building it – in the end, it’s always going to be a cage.

Your conclusions give you a false feeling of security. You think you are putting up some kind of safety net, but you are just building your own prison. Yes, it is safer in the prison. And just like prison, all your survival needs will be met. But no one can thrive in a cage. You will always long for the freedom of the outside, no matter how comfortable you make the cage.

Instead of drawing conclusions, just revel in how stupid you really are!

“Uh…True Self…That doesn’t sound right”

What I mean by this is that you could spend an entire lifetime looking at a single dewdrop and never know it completely. When life is built in such a complex way, how correct can any conclusion you draw be?

If you just realize that you have so much to learn, so much to experience – this moment will just unfurl for you. Right now you are just panicking and struggling. For your whole life, you are obsessed with staying safe. So at every turn you feel your identity is being threatened. And every time you feel that way, you draw more conclusions, further imprisoning yourself.

You must drop the idea that your conclusions are justified if you are right. It doesn’t matter if your conclusions are right 100% of the time or wrong 100% of the time. A prison is a prison no matter how you dress it up.

To overcome this compulsive conclusion drawing nature, you just need to pay more attention to when it happens. The next time you catch yourself drawing one, just remember conclusions equal imprisonment. Then long to understand what is happening in that moment. Be curious, bring back a sense of joy and wonder and explore.

Let’s say for example someone is complaining about their spouse to you. You draw a conclusion that they must have a bad relationship. Now, instead of diving into the abyss of that assumption, why not strive to understand their situation better? Ask them questions, find out what is really going on. Truly listen to them, making them your focus. You will be astonished by how little you actually know.

Yes, that requires a certain level of vulnerability. That’s the whole point. Life will not happen for you if you aren’t vulnerable. If you want freedom in this life, you must do two things: Step out of the cages you are in and stop putting yourself in them via your conclusions.

Be vulnerable. You’re not doing it to see if life will reward you for your vulnerability. You are doing it because it’s the only path to freedom. It doesn’t matter how the other person reacts to you or what life throws – you have not imprisoned yourself. That is all that matters.

It’s time to stop drawing conclusions so you can stop being the architect of your own imprisonment.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Self-Talk

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I always seem to have this little voice in my head that constantly narrates what I’m doing or what’s happening around me. Is there any way I can get it to quiet down, so that I don’t spend so much energy pointlessly thinking?

Sincerely,

Endless Narrative

Dear EN,

Let’s say for a moment we cease the chatter of your mind. What then? What will you do with just a blank mind? Sit there with your tongue hanging out, drooling?

Your mind is a tool. It has evolved over countless years to become the most sophisticated computing machine on the planet. What should be a gift has become a burden. It is time to learn how it works.

If you don’t choose how you want yourself to be in each moment, you will default into your survival mechanism. This is the mode that has allowed life to evolve to where it is now. Every creature on the planet operates from this place, but the human being is special in that we can opt for more than survival. We can choose to make our lives beautiful. Your mind is a tool you can use for that purpose.

However, when we don’t consciously use the mind the way we want, it will behave only for our survival. It is extremely good at that. The narrative that you are describing, the ceaseless thinking about everything, this is only the mind trying to analyze it’s environment. The more information we have, the better equipped we are to survive.

By choosing to walk through life unconsciously, you are giving the mind permission to run the show. In other words, you are perpetually in survival mode.

The mind will always be thinking something. That is it’s nature. Your business is not to quiet it down or build it up or cease it, it is just to stop associating so heavily with what is essentially mental diarrhea.

You must understand all your thoughts are a complete and utter illusion. All of them.

Thoughts can only either be based on your memory or based on fantasy. Neither of these things are what is happening now. Why give importance to thoughts at all?

Thoughts are tricky because the more you focus on them, the more intense they become. So telling yourself not to narrate your life will only make you narrate it even more.

Confusing isn’t it? Do you see how complicated this game of quieting the mind is? What a complete gong show!

Try not to think, and you’ll think even more.

Your thoughts themselves are just an illusion.

Your thoughts are trying to keep you constantly in survival mode.

Why deal with all this nonsense that is so full of traps when you can just sidestep it altogether?

Just as you have a survival mechanism within you, there is another part of you that is not so concerned with survival. It is not based on compulsiveness or reactivity. It is the part of you that is capable of feeling peace, calm, joy, wonder, ease. This is the meditative aspect.

If you just put your attention towards this side of you, the mind will quiet down on it’s own. Even if it continually chatters, you will become more and more distant from it. To put it simply: the way to distance yourself from your mind is NOT through your mind!

So how to put attention to this side? First, as thoughts come, make a practice of just observing them. It will be difficult at first, but you must consistently try as often as you can. Be a witness to your mind, not a participant. Instead, that energy of participation that you want – put it towards your life. Become more involved!

As you increase your involvement in life, the mind will quiet down on it’s own. You have already experienced this. Have you ever played an instrument, or played a sport, or painted a picture? As you became more involved, didn’t the mind quiet down? You didn’t tell your mind,

“Okay, stop narrating! We have something else to do!”

It just took more and more of a backseat the more focused you became on your act. The more focused on the act you became, the more you and the act became one. This is what is known as being meditative.

“But True Self, I thought meditation was sitting with my legs crossed and eyes closed!”

Meditation is not something you do, it is something you are. Just simply turn everything in your life into a meditation.

When your mind is busy telling stories, every inclination within you will want to try to feed those stories or find a way out by telling a different story to yourself. Neither of these will serve you.

The mind will try to convince you that it is the only solution to the problem. There is no thought process I can give you to quiet the mind. Thought process itself is the reason the mind is so loud! It would be like trying to put out a fire by adding more fuel. Involvement, being more conscious, becoming meditative – this is the only real solution.

Let’s face it, your mind is probably ramped up. Overstimulated. It maybe has become such a hindrance that it won’t let you do anything but endlessly think. If you are feeling like this, then you must expose yourself more to things that do not require your mind.

What doesn’t require your mind? Take more walks in nature. Listen to the sound of the rain. Hear the birds chirping. Feel the wind blowing your hair. Sit in stillness and silence. Don’t try to do anything. Don’t even try to quiet your mind. Just simply be there and experience all the things life is bringing to you. Do you need your thoughts to experience any of that?

So much is happening within you and around you in each moment. Stop being so obsessed with the silly creations of your mind and start being obsessed with the life you are creating in this moment!

This is the crux of the issue. Because you aren’t more involved in your life, the mind gets all that energy. It uses that energy to survive, survive, survive. The mind can’t create anything else.

To put this absolutely simply, just let your mind do whatever the hell it wants. When you notice that you’re too fixated on what it’s doing, simply involve yourself more in whatever is happening right now. Not sure what is happening? Check your pulse. Still beating? Okay great, you’re alive, focus on that!

The more your mind chatters, the more involved in the here and now you must be. The more involved you are, the more meditative you will become. The more meditative you become, the less self-talk you’ll create and hear. The less associated with the mind you are, the more exuberant life will become.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Postponement

~ SE ~ 1 Comment

Dear True Self,

I have a hard time keeping my promises, be they to others or myself. I often will say that I will do something, but keep putting it off until tomorrow. I typically never get around to doing it. I feel so unreliable. How can I stop postponing things and get the drive to do them now?

Sincerely,

Putting Off Until Tomorrow

Dear POUT,

Postponement comes from a deep belief that you will still be here tomorrow. Tell me, is there such a guarantee?

“Yeah yeah True Self, I get it, I’m mortal, but it’s not like I can just live every day like it’s my last like some fool”

It’s not just about your mortality. Let’s say you do live until tomorrow. Do you wake up with a deep sense of gratitude? I don’t think you wake up each day and declare, “Yesterday I postponed something, and today I am blessed to still be here! Time to get started!”

So not only are you bullshitting yourself into postponing something for a tomorrow that may or may not come, but even if it does come, you still don’t do what you postponed!

With this kind of attitude, where else can you possibly head except for regret?

Each day you decide to postpone something. The next day you wake up and decide to postpone again. Each new day that should be treated as a gift has now become your excuse to continue postponing. You’ve fooled yourself into thinking that just because tomorrow came, it will always come.

You may have heard the old adage: “Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?”

Let me give you some reasons. Tomorrow, you will not be any wiser. You will not be any more experienced. You may think you are, but all you will have become more experienced at is postponing things.

Not only that, tomorrow all your excuses, all the barriers, are the obstacles you have in the way of you acting today – those will not be weaker. They will have grown 24 hours stronger. Each day that goes by they will get that much more rigid within you. You are making a habit out of postponement.

The time to break this cycle is not tomorrow. It is now.

Postponement slowly makes your world dull. You will be inside looking out at a world full of possibilities you never take. It is a slow poison, a torturous end that has no bang, just a whimper and deep regret.

So how to break the cycle?

Whatever you feed the most in life is what will grow. If you are consciously choosing where you put your focus – you are in control of your destiny. If you simply allow yourself to compulsively behave, then you will become a slave to your tendencies.

Take one thing you’re postponing. Anything. Now break the cycle by doing some small part of it now.

Not later today.

Now.

No matter how daunting the action you want to take is, find something about it you can do in this moment. It may be something as small as writing down your ideas, or talking with a friend about it. Just start somewhere! A small start is better than no start.

Then when you are done with this first step, ask yourself what the next step is you want to take. Be realistic. You know yourself better than anyone else. Give yourself the next step that you know you can take. If you feel like you can’t take any steps, ask for help.

You must be vigilant. This isn’t really about the action itself that you are postponing. It is about the energy of postponing that has been building up in your system. Every day there must be consistent effort to breaking down this pattern.

Lucky for you, you don’t have to deeply analyze your psyche or something to do this. All you have do is start small, and keep taking the next step. Soon, the ball will be rolling with a momentous force that you can just flow with. The energy that has been put into postponing will just fall away and become the energy you use for action.

Nothing ever happens if you do nothing. This is true for your external life. But for your internal world, even if you do nothing, your compulsive behaviour cannot be trusted. You may think you are just harmlessly doing nothing, or waiting for the right moment, but in reality you are slowly practicing a dull life.

The right moment is already here. Today is the day for all you want to do. There is no greater moment that what is happening right now. Don’t wait for tomorrow because tomorrow does not exist. What you call tomorrow is only imagination. The only thing that is real is right here right now.

This moment has everything you need to take strides in your life. All it needs is your cooperation.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Attachment

~ SE ~ 2 Comments

Dear True Self,

I have a hard time letting go of things. Often I will dwell on things from the past and hold grudges. But it’s not just negative experiences. I also become attached to things I enjoy and feel so much grief when they leave. I get too attached too easily. But I don’t want to start going about life more cautiously just because I get attached too quickly. What can I do?

Sincerely,

Attach Mental

Dear AM,

Attachment and detachment have become very popular ideas for those walking journeys of self discovery. The word attachment however has become a monster in and of itself – it implies that the only solution is to live life detached, not really relating to anything. This is no way to live.

Tell me, if you could live your life more involved in it or less involved in it, what would you choose?

Of course you would want to be more involved. Involvement in a way is life. You are only aware of your existence to the extent you are involved in it. If you drift out of involvement in anything you are doing, you only become interested in stories of the mind and lose touch with what is happening now. You must be involved in life more, not less, or it won’t even feel like you’re alive.

You see, it is not about attachment. It is about involvement. But there is a catch. You must be involved but not entangled. The good news is, it’s really not all that difficult to do.

When was the last time you brushed your teeth, or made your bed, or pet your dog, with absolute total involvement? Can you put all your focus into that one act until it is complete? Not thinking about what will happen next or what happened yesterday – just being totally in the act?

If you can do a simple act like that, just totally immersing yourself in it, there is no risk of entanglement. It is only when you decide that whatever is happening now is not worthy of your undivided attention that entanglement occurs.

Or in other words, entanglement happens when you start comparing this moment to another. Just do whatever you are doing and only that. Just be here, now. Where else can you possibly be?

What is the purpose of taking a shower and replaying a conversation in your mind? How many times have you done this thinking about the next time and what you would say? You may be fooling yourself into thinking you are preparing for the future, but in reality all you are doing is obsessing and trapped in your entanglement.

No matter how many times you replay the past, you cannot change it. No matter how precisely you prepare for the future there are no guarantees. Does this mean you should never reflect, never prepare? No, it means that your attention is going into the wrong areas.

You have already proven you cannot be trusted to think about the past or fantasize about the future. You become too entangled in the illusion. Try putting more emphasis on what is happening right now. Life is happening right now! All around you and within you, so much is happening! If you’d only stop for a moment and give it the attention it deserves. You don’t have to be 100% successful your first go, but just try. Pick any small thing that has become dull for you in life and try being totally involved.

The past is only memory. The future is only fantasy. Your life is happening in this moment. If this was your last moment, tell me, how involved would you be? It is like this you must treat even the most mundane activities of your life.

I’m not saying life here in the now, drain your savings!!! I am saying that you must involve yourself with that level of intensity in each moment of your life. If you pick the things you do the most everyday, they stop becoming repetitive actions and start becoming opportunities to practice total involvement.

Attachment or detachment, these are all not going to serve you in the long run. Entanglement is the root of all your grudges and griefs. Practice increasing your involvement each day, and entanglement will fall away on it’s own. As it does, your life will expand in ways you could never imagine.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Addictions

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I struggle from addictions. I have had a very hard time quitting. Sometimes I will have a burst of willpower and decide I’m done for good but it always comes back after a few weeks or months. I have also noticed that even if I do quit one bad thing, it just gets replaced by another. How can I overcome this?

Sincerely,

Addicted to Addiction

I want you to try something. After reading this paragraph, I want you to close your eyes for a few moments. It doesn’t have to be long, a minute is fine. With your eyes closed, you can think of anything you want. But whatever you do, do not think of elephants. Go ahead now and try it.

Finished? Now tell me, were you able to even for that one minute keep your mind elephant free?

This is the nature of the human mind. Wherever you put your attention, that’s what will grow. The mind is additive. You can not tell it “Don’t think about ____”. All it will do is focus on that over and over.

In other words, whatever you deprive yourself of will become the most important thing to you.

Does this mean you should give in to your addictions? No, this means that depriving yourself is not a long term solution. You need a plan that understand the limitations of the mind. That the mind does not respond to telling it not to do something. If you are truly serious about transcending your addictions, you need a better way than the trap of deprivation.

First, let us redefine the idea of addiction. The very thing you are calling addiction is just the life process. What do I mean by that? How can life be addiction?

Observe life around you. Does not everything grow, one piece at a time? Cell by cell, molecule by molecule, atom by atom? Is that not the way your addiction works as well? It did not appear out of thin air, you grew it.

I’m not blaming you, it was most definitely an unconscious act. But a step by step act nonetheless. It didn’t start out as an addiction, but you kept feeding it and now there was no other possible outcome but full blown addiction. Give something enough time and enough energy and it can become quite rigid.

To break a rigid structure will take tremendous energy, commitment, and willpower. The patterns are strong and will want to reform time and time again. Some people do have what it takes to handle ripping the band-aid off so to speak. But even for those people, it takes a toll on the physical and psychological system. It is a destructive approach that most are not equipped to handle.

There is a more productive way. Just as your addictions were built step by step, start channeling that energy into something that serves you. Stop putting so much emphasis on stopping the addiction and start focusing on your self growth. Instead of telling yourself not to think about elephants, give it something else to think about.

The reality is it takes a lot of effort to maintain your addictions. If you simply stop feeding them, they will go away. Of course you will still have cravings. That’s because these addictions will crumble, but the life process does not disappear. Instead of giving into the cravings, you need practices that serve you to fall back on. Cravings equal compulsion. Practices equal consciousness.

Step by step, start doing things each day that serve you. Start small. Wake up each morning and smile with gratitude that you woke up! Even doing this one small thing will take away so much of the fuel that is feeding your addictions. But you must do it every day without fail, consistently, or your well carved out addictions will take that energy back.

Eventually, over time, those carved out addiction patterns will fade. As they fade you will find more and more energy and space to add better and better practices into your life.

Start small. Be patient. As you focus on the things that serve you, the addictions will fall off. Yes you may slip from time to time. You must look at your overall growth and ask yourself if you’re moving towards freedom or bondage. Just as your addictions formed one step at a time, becoming more conscious will grow one step at a time.

There is an inverse relationship between addiction and consciousness. Addiction is just compulsion that you’ve practiced. The more consciously you live your life, the less addiction will play a role. It is truly that simple.

I don’t want to take away from how hard it can be to be addicted – take support where you need it. Get help, use the amazing tools that are available to you in our society. Sometimes we let our addictions get so out of control that we can’t even trust ourselves to be disciplined in the tiniest ways. Do not be too proud or afraid to ask for help.

You may also feel like you will always be an addict. That it is something you are always fighting. You may feel this way for a long time. Just remember that the stories we tell ourselves become real in our experience. With enough time, discipline, and consistency, I promise you it can be transcended. Even the strongest of patterns within us can be shed, one step at a time.

Ultimately, the only way out is in. Whether your life is miserable or beautiful is up to you. You have to want this. You have to want to overcome addiction, truly. You have to be willing to do the inner work. The beauty of going inward is that it won’t just end the addictions, it will also transform them into the life you truly want for yourself.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

 

On Managing Friendships

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I have a close friend but lately we aren’t all that close. My friend just doesn’t seem to make the effort or cancels plans . It feels like they just aren’t as interested in being friends as I am. It feels like we are drifting apart. I don’t want to lose my friend but am tired of putting in all the effort. How can I fix our friendship?

Sincerely,

Friends Falling Apart

Dear FFA,

There is nothing to fix. Friendship is not a problem to be solved. It is a dance to be experienced.

Firstly, deconstruct this notion you have that you are the only one putting in effort. What would your friend say if we asked them? Perhaps they feel they are putting in enough effort, or that you are being too demanding? When only viewing your side of the story it’s easy to justify yourself as the victim.

The reality is quite simple: Your expectations of the relationship are not being met.

In any relationship, we unconsciously make certain expectations that we want fulfilled in order for the relationship to continue. When these expectations are met or exceeded, we say the relationship is going well. When they are not, we become hurt and feel as though one person is not pulling their weight.

It is only natural to have certain expectations with a friend. For example, a simple one is that no one wants a friend who will abuse them. The issue is not the expectation itself. The issue is that you don’t understand what yours are and when they are or aren’t met.

So am I here to tell you to lower or refine your expectations? Indeed, those are probably worth defining, but they will not address the real issue. Even if you change your expectations, it does not mean your friend will change their behaviour to something you prefer. We cannot act in life in order to guarantee the outcome we want. There are no guarantees.

This gets to the real heart of the issue: No matter what we do in life, we cannot control what happens externally 100%. We can only change how we choose to be.

The reality is, you will never have a friend in your life who is 100% of the time always close with you. No one person can be everything to you all the time.

If you observe your relationships over the years, you will see there is a natural ebb and flow to them. Sometimes, you are close, sometimes you drift apart. Eventually you come back together if a solid foundation was built.

If you just took conscious control of this process, things would flow so much more easily.

In your life, you have made friends simply because of proximity – school, work, etc. When those things ended, you drifted apart didn’t you? The ones you were able to rekindle something with, was there not a stable foundation beyond what initially brought you together? If you just leave that foundation building up to chance, it may work for a time, but rarely for your whole life.

With your current friend, if you just accepted that this is a natural time of drifting apart, there would be no issue. You would both have the space you need. If the relationship is strong, you will come back together when the time comes. But this space that is trying to happen is much needed. If you try to claw yourself closer and closer when things are naturally moving away you are headed for drama. You risk the whole friendship by clinging to it.

Know when to let things go. If they don’t return, it’s time to learn a lesson: that you need to work on building better foundations with your friends. Really examine the friendship you have now that you are so afraid of losing. Why are you so afraid of losing it and holding on so tightly? If it has a good foundation, let it go and trust it will return.

But perhaps that is the crux of the matter for you. Perhaps you didn’t consciously build a good foundation with this person. Perhaps you feel if you let them go, they won’t return. Even if that’s the case, you have learned a valuable lesson for the next friendship you pursue.

I must emphasize that none of this requires any drama. It is not a big deal. It is a natural process of life for things to decay and become reborn. It is happening every moment of your life within you and around you. It’s how we grow and evolve. It is not a bad thing, so don’t treat it like one.

Nothing even needs to be said at all. You do not need to go to your friend and declare,

“I do not wish to see you again until the time is right! I will miss you so much! GOODBYE!”

or other such dramatics. Just let it drift apart. It will be okay. Just because you let go for a time does not mean you have to let go of how you feel. Are you not capable of loving your friend even when you have not seen them?

You don’t need to hoard that love for the friends you have either. Be open to new experiences and new friends! There are billions of people on this planet. Become involved and meet some of them. Treat every person you see with the same reverence you would give your best friend. What’s the harm?

If you approach friendships paying attention to when they ebb and flow, it will become so effortless and natural for you. You will not need to maintain anything. You will just do what is necessary.

When life brings you closer, cherish each moment and involve yourself totally. When life drifts you apart, accept it and feel grateful when you’re back in each other’s life. There is a reason for the space that is happening now. Let go, explore that space, and move forward trusting the life process.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Overstimulation

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

Everyday is just go go go. Between work and my household responsibilities I barely feel like I have time for myself. What little time I do have I feel like I don’t have energy for anything except watching tv or going on my phone. I’m just too tired. I want to do things like exercise or meditate to improve my health but how can I when there’s no time?  How can I make time for myself?

Sincerely,

Stretched too Thin

Dear STT,

You’re right about one thing: There is no time.

You see, you forget a very important detail constantly. Most people forget this little detail. Because of this forgetfulness, they don’t live their life in the best way they can.

You are mortal. You will not live forever. Tomorrow is not a guarantee.

If you do not make time for yourself now, when will you?

You are not alone in your scenario. In today’s society, we have placed too much importance on being stressed. In fact, it’s worn almost as a badge of honour. If you aren’t stressed it doesn’t look like you’re working hard enough. Believe me it’s better to work smart than it is to work hard.

A society that measures success in such a rudimentary way will only produce neurotic stressed out people. People will place no importance on being of stable mind and body because that’s not what society values. It’s time to stop measuring what’s best for your life in such an idiotic way.

You need to understand that without restfulness, there is no activity. To think you can go on and on revved up gas pedal to the floor without mastering restfulness is juvenile.

“But True Self, that’s what my down time with my electronics is for!”

Please stop fooling yourself. You are not resting during such times. You are stimulating the mind even more.

Your body and your mind in a way are the world’s greatest recording device. They remember everything, even if you don’t always have access to it. Every time you interact with anything with any of your five senses, it is recorded. Staring at a screen is just one more heap you are adding to the already overflowing pile. One day, it will topple and you will burn out.

Stimulating an already overstimulated body and mind is not the way to make time for yourself. This isn’t about making time for yourself at all. This is just a simple equation. Without rest, there is no basis for all you wish to do everyday. When I say rest, I do not mean sleep. So many people sleep and have a million things going on in their head and body. If sleep isn’t giving you the rest you need, it’s a clear sign you are overstimulated.

Right now you’re on borrowed time. That is to say, you keep stealing from your future self to fuel the high demands of your daily life.

The beautiful thing about life is whatever you feed grows, and whatever you don’t decays. Right now you are feeding your senses and becoming overstimulated. But if you just stop feeding it – even for a small amount of time each day – it will settle itself. Your stressed out way of being needs constant attention to sustain. If you just put a fraction of that energy into being restful once a day, your world would transform.

Right now you are feeding burning out. You are feeding it with overstimulation. As time goes on, it becomes worse and worse. Without moments of stillness, you are headed for disaster.

If we lived even 100-200 years ago I might be able to say you don’t need daily stillness. But society has drastically changed. Now it is no longer an issue of “should I find stillness?” but that you need daily stillness the way you need water or food.

In whatever ways you can in life, remove the extra stimulus. Put down the phone and tv once in a while. Reduce your exposure to lessen the overstimulation. Then add a daily practice of sitting still. It’s not about meditating or anything. You just need to sit and rest to give your poor mind and body a break.

Your mind and body are your whole existence in many ways. Treat them with the respect and care they deserve so that your life can flourish. To ignore them will be at your own peril.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Risks

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I have a hard time taking risks in life, even small ones. I like to be careful with my actions as I’ve just been burned too many times in the past. People say that I’m too cautious but is it really so bad to take my time with decisions? Is it really necessary to take risks in life or is being comfortable enough? Isn’t comfort what we are all striving for?

Sincerely,

Risky Business

Dear RB,

First let’s define what exactly a risk is.

A risk is just at it’s core an action. Every action in life has consequences. So why do we label some actions as risks and others as safe?

The reality is nothing is truly 100% safe. Life is unpredictable. Your life is not guaranteed simply because you act safely. The very idea that you’ve constructed some cautious or careful way of being is an illusion. Life itself is a risk. But this is not a bad thing.

The very nature of a human being is to expand past their current limitations. No matter what point you reach in your life, even when you think “This is it, I’ve made it!”, soon you will become restless and long for more. This is because the very nature of life is to evolve constantly. You are no different. To evolve is a risk. Life takes this risk at every turn. For you to avoid something that is your very nature will only leave you unsatisfied.

You have simply developed a safety net. When that net is tested, you call it a risk. But safety is not life. Security is not life. Living like this will never satisfy you.

It will not help you to look at life as risky vs safe. Life is just life. Every moment of your life is a thriving possibility. To deny yourself this possibility is tragic. Does this mean you should start skydiving and bungee jumping tomorrow? You need not do anything outside of yourself to explore this possibility. You need only turn inward.

When you live your life unconsciously – that is to say, on autopilot or compulsively – the only way you can act is to protect yourself. When you live unconsciously, your entire being reverts to it’s default programming, which is it’s survival mechanism.

In other words, compulsive action always tries to protect you. It’s a good thing it does, otherwise life could not have evolved. Survival is an essential part of life. But it is not your whole life, and it most definitely need not run your life.

But if you begin to act consciously – that is to say you are choosing how you want to be in each moment – only then will you even think of taking a risk.

Even if you become more conscious, the survival mechanism is strong. It will immediately try to convince you not to grow, change, or risk anything. It will tell you all the ways you may suffer if you try to achieve your potential. But if you want your life to be in your hands, you must take the reins.

Even with this first step of being conscious, if you fear suffering, you will not take a risk. You asked if being comfortable is enough. Being comfortable is fine. You should enjoy this precious gift of life. But being comfortable will not bring you peace. It will not bring you any clarity. It for sure will not help you strive towards your ultimate potential.

You must wear down the voice inside you that tells you not to take action because you may suffer. We don’t live in the jungle and have to fear for our very survival anymore. That mechanism is ancient and still thinks you are fighting for your life. It is so ingrained in your system that it is beyond just a physical or psychological compulsion. It has very deep roots. It longs for safety above all.

The truth is we are excessively safe and comfortable. To take a risk here and there in today’s society barely even means taking one. You must push past your comfort zones little by little each day. If you practice like this with small things you find yourself afraid to do, you will see it bear fruit in larger ways when the season is right.

What it means to be a human being, the vast possibility of it – if you just knew how to walk in this life without hesitation, the entire existence is yours. Anything you can do you will do. But when you live in fear of suffering, all you will look for is safety and comfort.

You may feel suffering is a part of life. It is not true, suffering can come to an end while you are alive. Yes, from time to time, life may give you difficult experiences. But the suffering is entirely self inflicted. You either exaggerate it or suppress it to slink into your comfort zone, but it is entirely your doing. If you are making it, then it is possible to stop making it.

Practice pushing past your comfort zone once in a while – you will hesitate less and less. Then, when the day comes where you no longer hesitate no matter what the hell life gives you – that is when there is no more fear. That is the end of suffering.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Competitiveness

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I am a highly competitive person. I often push myself to win in any game or sport I am in, or in my job I am always striving to be the top performer.

However, whenever I fail at my goals, or someone else wins, I get very moody and upset. I take it so personally. I’m not really interested in being less competitive, I thrive on it! But how can I do better? I don’t want to get upset every time I lose, but I also want to lose less. How can I achieve this?

Sincerely,

The Winner Takes All

Dear TWTA,

Who are you being competitive with?

I want you to look at this question sincerely. At work, is it your coworkers? In a sport is it the other team? In a game is it your opponents?

First let’s take a look at what it means to be the best.

It is true that there are people who are the best at what they do. Usain Bolt is the fastest man alive, that we know of, or at least have measured.Who do you think he was being competitive with? The current record holder?

You need to really understand what makes someone the best. It has nothing to do with the task they are performing. It is obviously impressive to see someone become the fastest man alive. But we are not impressed by the fact he can move his legs back and forth. We are impressed by the amount of work, consistency, and commitment it takes to earn that title.

Now let me ask you: Will Usain Bolt always be the fastest man alive? Obviously, the answer is no. In fact, even in his lifetime someone may beat his records and he can never reclaim the title. Should he feel upset or moody about this?

If you go your whole life comparing yourself to others, and that is your only barometer of success, you will find there is always someone better than you. The reality is, you have not put in anywhere near the same amount of dedication to mastering any one thing as someone like a Usain Bolt has done.

Here and there, in different avenues in your life, you are picking and choosing to be competitive. The worst part is, it’s rarely conscious. It’s a reaction to seeing someone outperform you.

My friend, you are being pulled by your envy. This is not competitiveness. Time to stop lying to yourself and call it what it is. Competitiveness is just the mask you use to hide your envy.

People who aim to become the best at something and succeed, they understand something that most others don’t. They are never competing with the people around them. It doesn’t matter who is better or who is winning in the moment. They have learned that in order to push past their limitations and indeed achieve something no other human has ever done, they need to see every moment as a learning opportunity.

You are so caught up in chasing the outcome that you ignore the journey. With envy in your eyes you look at what someone else has, and rather than see them as your teacher you see them as an opponent. When you win, you gloat. When you lose, you pout.

So I will ask you again: Who are you being competitive with?

The answer is of course your own limitations.

A person who judges their success by comparing themselves to others is not competitive. They are envious. A person who strives to make each moment an opportunity to break past their current limitations is competitive.

So this isn’t about striking a balance between being better and being a graceful loser. Unmask all this and see the envy under it all. When that happens, no one will have to tell you to lose gracefully. You won’t even see loss as a bad thing. You will be grateful, learning and pushing yourself even more, thrilled to be moving towards your potential.

Point your focus inward. Become competitive with the only thing that matters, your own barriers. Break them down, pushing forward each time. You’ll see the outside world will respond. Even to just witness someone striving towards their potential is an amazing thing.

Look outward and all you will have is your envy. Turn inward, and something truly tremendous will blossom within you.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

 

 

On Bullying

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I have a bully in my life. No matter how many times I tell them to stop or talk to them about their behaviour, they just dismiss it saying I can’t take a joke. They are so negative and seem to get off on bullying me. What can I do to be free of this?

Sincerely,

Grab the Bully by the Horns

Dear GTBBTH,

I want to tell you a story of The Buddha before I give you any advice:

The Buddha was walking through a village one day with his disciples. Some people in the village did not like to see such a gathering of beggars in their eyes, and became perturbed. One villager viciously spouted insults at The Buddha.

The Buddha just stood quietly, listening absolutely to everything the man had to say. Once the man realized he was not going to receive a response, he became even more irate.

“How can you just stand there and say nothing!” He screamed at the Buddha demanding an answer.

The Buddha thought for a moment and then replied,

“In the previous village we were in, we were showered with affection. Many villagers offered us gifts, but since we have vowed to have no worldly possessions, we had to refuse. I am wondering what they did with all those gifts.”

The man retorted,

“Isn’t it obvious? They must have distributed the gifts among each other!”

The Buddha grew a bothered look on his face and replied,

“Just as I did not accept their gifts, I have not accepted your garbage also. I wonder, will you now go and spread it among your village too?”

So if even the Buddha can be bullied, what does that mean for the rest of us?

When you have gained a certain stability within yourself, when you can see that you need not accept what others give you, you become transparent. To be transparent means that things will pass right through you, without affecting you.

But this skill of transparency takes time to master.

I do not want to sound as though it is your fault that you are being bullied. But everything in this life is a call and a response. The bully in your life is giving you some garbage. You always have the choice of what to do with that garbage.

When you accept their garbage, it becomes a part of you. The bully now has gotten their way, and misery loves company.

But this doesn’t mean you reject their garbage either. You have seen what this will do – the bully will only try even harder to bully you. They will strive to find your breaking point.

This isn’t about accepting or rejecting. Only one who is truly transparent is beyond all that. It just never even phases you.

This is what all self work is leading you towards: Being free of life dictating how you are, and instead, you decide how your life is!

At the heart of all challenging experiences in your life, strive to find the learning. See where you can grow. If not, it will keep recurring until you learn what you needed to learn.

I want you to understand why there are people in this world who are toxic to those around them. They are suffering too, in their own way. Only a person who is deeply suffering on the inside will choose to make others suffer. It comes from a deep sense of loneliness. They need their internal world to match the external, so suffering within means suffering outside. They seek to make relationships that match who they are within. It’s an unfortunate and truly sad way to exist.

Now all this does not excuse a bully’s behaviour. But I’m just going to be blunt and real with you:

You cannot control what others do.

You may think that as your true self, I have some sage advice on how to deal with such a tough situation. Well here it is:

Sometimes, life gives you shit. Will you make a flower out of that shit or not is the only question.

People are going to challenge you from time to time. They may aim to make your life difficult. That is their choice. You can never control your external circumstances 100%. But you can control how you are within.

What kind of person do you want to be? Do you always want to be a victim? Or do you want to have a beautiful, exuberant life, where you are the one deciding your own fate?

Then becoming transparent is an absolute must. This person, in their own unfortunate way, is giving you opportunity after opportunity to switch from victimizing yourself into being transparent.

This does not mean ignoring the bully. It does not mean engaging the bully. You must employ your intelligence and decide what the best course of action is. Depending on the situation, you will have to choose accordingly.

The only thing I can say about what decision to make outside of yourself is this:

Toxicity will always change you before you change them. Until you master transparency, they will pollute your way of being. Their negativity will have a powerful impact and damage you. If you cannot be transparent, or at the very least you cannot find an amicable solution, then it is always best to simply cut these people out of your life.

But above all, remember even enlightened people have to deal with bullies and challenges. The only difference is they make the most out of whatever life gives them.

Decide what you want to do about the bully, and trust yourself to do the right thing. Just remember that every moment in life is an opportunity for you to grow.

The stinkiest of manure often produces the most fragrant flowers.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

 

On Your Parents

~ SE ~ 1 Comment

Dear True Self,

My parents drive me crazy. I’m an adult now with my own life but they always seem to be meddling in it. I try to spend time with them but it never seems like enough in their eyes and it makes me want to see them less, even though I do love them. What can I do to get them to back off a bit and meet me halfway?

Sincerely,

Not a Child Anymore

Dear NACA,

Maybe you have your own children, maybe you do not. But either way, you must understand something:

Your parents will never stop being your parents, whether you like it or not.

Let’s assume that your parents aren’t toxic or abusive people, but just like most parents, overly involved in their children’s lives.

“But True Self, I’m not a child anymore! Why can’t they see that?”

When you were born, you didn’t pop out as you are now. You were a very small, fragile bundle of life. You are genetically and energetically filled with half of each parent. This includes their unfulfilled hopes and dreams.

Every time they see you, they see that small little piece of life they created. Such a fragile but wondrous creation, full of potential to live life better than they have.

If they did not take care of you even for one moment as a child, you may not even be here. This is how fragile human children are. Other mammals can walk and run and hunt the moment they are born. But human children need constant attention, or they will die.

It was in this way they grew a deep sense of attachment to your survival. Every time you succeeded, they felt they succeeded. Every time you struggled, they felt as though they failed. This burden has never gone away in their experience. It comes from genuine love, but love with attachment will only ever cause the object of that love great irritation.

So what, just tell your parents to leave you be? That you need space? You can try to solve the problem by talking with your parents. Indeed, you will probably need to be better at communicating with them. But this won’t ever get rid of that deep seeded attachment they have.

When you were a little child, I want you to just think of how many times you experienced wonder and joy. Think about when you were an infant, when you were a toddler, when you first started to walk, to talk, started school…As time has gone on, they have not observed you becoming happier. They have not observed those moments of wonder and joy increase, and now they feel responsible. They will keep meddling until you are that happy again. This is the crux of the issue. You need to work on your happiness.

This is not to blame you in any way. Every human is like this. But isn’t it a bit sad that your life is not going in the direction of ever increasing beauty? Why was it that only as a child you were capable of this? Is time and age really the thief of your life?

You need to look past what it means to be an adult. Success is just temporary. You may get a job, get a spouse, get a car, get a house – but all these accumulations are not your life. They are just decorations. If you are not exploring the full depth of what it means to be you, with your last breath you will still have regrets. Your parents know this, because as time has ticked away for them, they regret not doing better in raising you.

When your parents raised you, you were incapable of taking care of yourself. Your survival was largely in their hands. Now you are older, and are taking care of yourself. So the role of the parent is gone. They can’t help you with your survival as they used to.

So where else can they help? Naturally, intuitively, in a clumsy annoying way, they try to help bring that beaming child out again. If only they understood it and did it consciously. This is the only thing worth talking to them about.

With the intelligence and maturity you have now, you should be able to have the exuberance of a child but also the ability to survive without your parents. Instead you have become obsessed with your survival and happiness has taken a backseat, only happening here or there when your schedule will permit.

So involve your parents more in your joy. Practice being happy. Include them, be with them in happy ways. Sing with them, dance with them, laugh with them, play with them! They desperately needed joy in their life or they would not have had a child.

Being an adult is overrated by society. We’ve got that figured out way too much, and too much importance is put on it. Be like a child! When it comes to your curiosity and willingness, be more childlike!

You’ll never stop being that little child in your parents’ eyes anyway. Embrace it! And no matter where you go, your parents are in you. When they are gone, you may finally see that truth.

Whether they were good or bad parents, you embracing your inner child is the answer.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

 

On Inadequacy

~ SE ~ 1 Comment

Dear True Self,

I never feel good enough. No matter what successes I have, I always feel inadequate. It doesn’t matter what I buy, what I earn, or what relationships I make. It just always seem like others have it better and that I’m somehow not up to par. I find myself wishing I had what other people have or was anyone but me. How can I feel better about myself?

Sincerely,

To Be or Not to Be Me

Dear TBONTBM,

What is inadequacy? The very meaning of the word is that something is not able to accomplish what it is supposed to. Yet, you claim to have many accomplishments. If these accomplishments do not leave you feeling fulfilled, it is only natural to look elsewhere. The only problem is, you keep looking in the wrong direction. It’s time to look within.

Let’s say you have a great job. You are a star performer in your workplace, but after some time, you grow bored. So you look to someone who is outperforming you to see how you can grow.

The only problem is, this is not a conscious process. So, instead you look to others but become jealous and envious. You lose self esteem and self worth endlessly comparing yourself.

The truth is you’re so afraid of losing what you’ve already accomplished that you won’t try anything new. This is the source of all your trouble.

In order for anything new to happen, something else must come to it’s end. This is the nature of life. Please see how every single event in your life has stood on the shoulders of what came before it. Those things that came before all ended to allow for every new moment.

This does not mean you cling to all you’ve done or achieved. It is all fleeting, temporary. Your life is happening in this moment! Every single moment that has ever happened or will happen is completely unique. No two are ever alike. In such a universe, you waste time with feeling inadequate about what you had or don’t have?

This existent is exuberant, alive, throbbing with pure potential. If you compare yourself to others without a desire to grow past your current limitations, you will only ever get caught up in petty, unhelpful thoughts. But if you just were willing to grow, and let go of what you’ve already done, life would explode within you.

You want to stop feeling inadequate? Then you need to see that life has made you in such a way that you are limitless potential. Is it not true that you are capable of doing things you’ve never done before? That the world has never seen before? All you need is the will to strive for your constant growth.

There is an even deeper truth here: we are all inadequate, but in a beautiful way. You see, in order for you to be filled to the brim with limitless potential, of course there must be some part of you that feels inadequate. Without this part, what possible desire would you have to grow and change? If you already felt like you’d accomplished everything, what is the point of doing anything else?

In this space where inadequacy is not your enemy, but the seed of your next action, it takes on a new meaning. It takes on a new form. It is not a crippling emotion that drains your self worth. Instead, it is the catalyst that gives you your next adventure in life!

If you are totally involved in the adventure that is your life, do I need to tell you anything about self worth? Do I need to boost your self esteem with a motivational phrase? When you are totally throwing yourself into every experience life gives you, there is no need for such tricks! You will be so immersed in growing and breaking your current limitations that your place in this universe will become clear.

You can’t question your worth when you experientially realize every atom in this existence is precious. But you won’t see things that way without moving past your fear to end what is done and start what is next.

So next time you find yourself looking over at your neighbour’s grass to see how green it is, take it is an indication that it’s time for you to look inside. See what it is in your life that needs to transform into the next possibility. Then, without hesitation, go for it!

Self-esteem and self-worth are fine. But they are poor substitutes for what can come when you strive to embrace change. Something far better than feeling adequate will arise: You will feel infinite.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Reactivity

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I find I am a very reactive person. I have a short fuse, get defensive easily, and rarely think before I act. How can I calm down and act more stably?

Sincerely,

Nuclear Reacter

Dear NR,

No matter what happens in your life, you are always, in a way, reacting to it. That is the way the universe is made: for every action, and equal and opposite reaction. The very casual nature of our existence is built upon this.

But reacting is not the right word. If I could change this one axiom, it would be to say that everything responds to everything. It is only human beings who are reacting.

Let’s say you are at work and a customer yells at you – how quickly do you react? In what way do you react? Typically, this is a knee-jerk reaction of anger or rage.

Is this how you would like to be in this moment? If that was your last moment on this planet, how would you want to be within yourself? Surely you at least don’t want fear and rage. You will never control the outside circumstances, but how you are is 100% in your capability to master. It is just that you have never practiced.

If you could choose, the next time someone is nasty to you, how would you respond? Pretend you are a complete master over your mind and emotions, how would you like to be in that moment?

But it’s not just this one example. In all moments of your life, if you had full mastery over your thought and feelings, how would you make them? The answer of course is you would always want to have the most pleasant experience. But this is never an option in the realm of reactivity. Thoughts and feelings have enslaved you when they should be yours to use.

So how to gain this mastery over our reactions? Responding to life is the only way. This means consciously and consistently, in each moment, you choose how you want to be. It’s that simple.

For too long you have left the system on autopilot. You occupy your thoughts with past memories or future fantasies. But right here, right now, you are capable of creating a joyful experience within yourself! Why are you so fixated with the creations of your mind when the most important creation in your life – you – is not experiencing the best life it can?

This has nothing to do with what you do outside of life. When I say life, I do not mean your work, car, money, spouse, pets, etc. These are all fine, nothing wrong with them. But they are not your life. They are just things in your life. They are all temporary. Your life is just this: You. It’s the only thing that stays with you till the end. Isn’t it time you gave yourself some attention?

No magic event is going to come into your life that makes it beautiful. Here and there, once in a while, life will throw you something you deem is beautiful. But until you start choosing how you want to be in each moment, you will never create this life into what it can be. The truth is, life can be anything you want it to be, if you’d only strive for it.

It has never worked in your life that simply running on reactive mode could produce lasting beauty for you. Only when you have consciously took strides in your life has it done so. But the work is not to be done outside of you. Simply turn inward and practice changing your self talk and story.

Practice responding to life. Every time you react, instead ask yourself if that’s how you want to be. This is all it takes. The customer yells at you, practice patience or practice assertiveness – it doesn’t matter what you choose. But you must choose and do it. Just know that pleasant choices for both parties will always produce the best result for you. There is no way to only be unpleasant outward; it affect you too. They may still act nasty, but that doesn’t matter. You be the way you want to be and the way you want others to be.

Eventually, life will make it easy for you, and responding will take no effort. But continue to be reactive, and your whole life will be a large effort with very little fruit to bear. The time has come! Create yourself the way you want!

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Appreciation

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

My partner and I love each other, but it’s not always perfect. I feel like they don’t see the value in the things I’d like them to do, or that my needs are not a priority, even though I do so much for them. How can I get them to respect what I need from them? Aren’t relationships about giving?

Sincerely,

One Sided Effort

Dear OSE,

Love is not something you do. Love is something you are. If you continue to behave the way you are, the only outcome will be imbalance in the relationship.

You have created a checklist – X tasks for you, Y tasks for your partner. If there are more ticks in the X column, you get cranky. If there are more ticks in the Y column, they get cranky.

I want you to understand that this is not a loving way to be in a relationship. It’s based entirely on expectation, not love. You cannot create a scenario of “so long as they do these things I will love them”. Those things may be important to you, but they have nothing to do with love. They only have to do with what you are willing to accept or not from the relationship. Neither person should constantly have to prove they are worthy of love.

When you say or do things in life in order to achieve a particular outcome from someone, that is the very definition of manipulation. Please see how you are both creating expectations to manipulate the other into loving you. Love is not something to be earned. Treat it like that and it can always be unearned.

Your love should stand free of expectations. No matter what the other person does, they are deserving of your love. They may do some cruel things from time to time – then it is up to you decide if they are deserving of your continued company. But they are always deserving of your love. All life is deserving of your love.

To love is not an act or an action for your checklist. Love is a quality you keep within yourself. When you exude love and it is not dependent on criteria, love will reverberate within you also. Life always works like this. All outward acts are felt inward as well, and vice versa.

“But True Self, what does it mean that I am love? It doesn’t feel like that and that’s not particularly useful when my partner and I are struggling.”

First, let’s talk about what love isn’t. Don’t look at love as something that can get you out of a bad situation with your partner, or something that will prevent uncomfortable moments and give you a perfect life together. Life is always full of challenges. Nothing you think will change that fact. If you are wise, you will grow. If you are scared or stubborn or stupid, you will try to manipulate the situation instead.

Struggles will come in the relationship. No one will ever do what you want them to do 100% of the time. If what you are after is a healthy relationship, then you both must learn to communicate your needs and find an equilibrium. If you’re both willing to work together and move forward, then you have a great basis for a long lasting relationship. You can’t ask for more than that.

So what does it mean that you are love? Love is not about getting what you want. Love is about appreciation.

You do not truly appreciate the value of what you have in your life. You have so much to appreciate about the other, but one little thing they did annoys you and now all of a sudden they are not worthy of your love. They might be so wonderful in 10,000 other ways, but you can’t get over it and obsess about it, ignoring everything else.

This isn’t to tell you turn a blind eye – if you want to create a certain situation for your life, that is fine. But you both must work towards it. Be willing to grow and change, and not out of fear of the other person leaving you. You should want to grow and change because that’s what life is always doing. Growing into the next possibility. You can never avoid this truth for as long as you live.

Appreciation of life – isn’t it a big deal this person chose to spend their time with you? They could be doing anything else with their time on this planet!

Appreciate how highly they must think of you, to spend their time with you. Appreciate that amidst all their pain and struggles, they chose you to be with. Appreciate that they are full of so much beauty and potential, and want to uncover that alongside you. The greatest gift anyone can give you is their time.

Trying to earn love, or hang on to love, or manipulate others or circumstances so that you are loved…this is all nonsense. Just practice being loving. Learn to look at an ant or a dewdrop with the same appreciation you would look at your partner, or you child, or whatever you appreciate the most in this life.

Especially when you are struggling – practice love. I promise you, your life will transform. If the other person is along for that ride, they will stay. But no matter what, be loving. It is who you are and anything else you practice will never satisfy you.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

 

On Healing

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I’m not a very healthy person. I get sick constantly. I have chronic ailments and really struggle to become healthy. I’ve tried everything but nothing really seems to work in the long run. I’m really getting tired of all this suffering. How can I heal? What is the solution?

Sincerely,

Highway to Heal

Dear HTH,

You truly are not alone in your struggle. Many people will dismiss their unhealthiness, but it always catches up with them. This is not to blame you – you are trying to get better, but it’s not working. Something is being done fundamentally wrong.

As a humanity, we have really become dependent on remedies that mask our issues but do not deal with the root cause. Even today, ancient healing modalities that are supposed to be preventative are becoming the same. Rather than take this pharmaceutical pill, it has become take this herbal pill. Neither of these will serve us in the long run.

Healing is always a twofold process. You cannot do one without the other. One part is typically for the healer who is helping you. The rest is up to you. The healer can only remove what is causing you difficulty. You must use that space to become healthier. This is the only way. You are responsible for your own health, and no one else.

So seek healing if you need it. That is good. There are people out there who dedicate their whole lives to helping others heal. This is a beautiful service, a truly precious gift they give. Find one who resonates with you. But realize that they can’t do everything, not by a long shot.

You see, there is always a reason for your pain. Your body doesn’t just decide,

“You know what, let’s suffer today! That will be fun!”

You are housing not just your consciousness, but lives of countless organisms within you. Every cell in your body is a universe unto itself. They all want to live in an optimal environment, trust me. Nothing in this universe wants to have a difficult existence. But if your body needs attention, it will choose temporarily giving you pain to show you it needs help. It will do this every time, without hesitation. The longer you ignore it, the worse it becomes.

So what does that mean? How do you take that second step? How do you take responsibility for your health?

It’s very tough telling someone who is suffering that they need to do more. Suffering is a full time job. You won’t have an ounce of strength to do anything else. But you must. The truth is, you must take care of your body until the day you die. The sooner you accept this truth, the sooner you can begin healing.

You need to plant a seed within you and nurture it: the seed of being capable of taking care of your body. After all, you are it’s caretaker. Home to so many in this body.

So start small. Whatever you are capable of doing, do that. No one can do what they are not capable of doing. It sounds simple, but it is deceptive. For example, you may think that you can do something like eat more healthy. But it may fade after a few weeks back to bad habits. Don’t set unrealistic goals for your health.

You must truly be honest with where you are at. If right now, all you can do is go for a two minute walk, or take a daily bath, or drink more water – whatever it may be, do that. But do it every day, without fail. This is key. Do no start any process of bettering yourself if you are not willing to commit to it.

No matter how small the seed may be for you, even if it is just looking yourself in the mirror and smiling because you’re alive, just commit to it daily. If that’s all you have the energy to do right now, do it. But if you continue to do nothing and keep seeing healers, you will never get better. You must pick your seed.

As you do this one small thing every day, without fail, something within you will change. This seed will begin to gain momentum. Soon, you will naturally add the next thing you are capable of, or evolve this first step into it’s next step. But you must take the first step, or there is no progress. This is how health unfurls within you; you cannot just transplant it from a healer.

Trust in the life process. It is built in such a way that where you put your consistent attention, grows. So no matter how tiny the step you take towards better health for yourself, so long as you nurture it daily, it will flower into a healthy human being.

You asked me how to heal, for the solution? You are the answer to your own question. Start today.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Kindness

~ SE ~ 1 Comment

Dear True Self,

I often know I am right but have a hard time winning arguments. Even though all the logic and facts are on my side, people don’t seem to see things my way. Why are people so stubborn and unwilling to see reason? How can I get them to understand?

Sincerely,

Right and I Know It

Dear RAIKI,

People don’t wake up one morning and suddenly decide,

“Today is a great day to throw all logic and reason out the window and be unwilling to understand!”

You have a very combative approach to people. The very fact you see things as an argument means there is a winner and a loser. Your failure is that you are not finding a way where everyone wins.

When you approach people with your sword drawn, ready to fight, what else can you expect from them but defensiveness? You are the one who is the issue here, not them.

“But True Self, if I am by all facts right, then how can I find a win-win scenario?! We can’t both be right! They must see the truth!”

This isn’t about helping mankind see truth for you. Stop deluding yourself. This is about being right. You do not truly care about truth or helping others see it. You only care about being right, and other people acknowledging you are right.

Let’s talk about truth for a moment. What is truth? First, you must realize facts are not truth. Facts are just facts. People will draw their own conclusions and act accordingly from facts. But conclusions are not truth. You have drawn yours from facts, your “opponents” have drawn theirs from somewhere else. But neither of you are operating from a space of truth.

The truth is really quite simple – your time on this planet is short. I have said this time and time again. With what little time you have, you have chosen to argue. You have chosen to bring difficulty and defensiveness to others. When you could be part of the solution, you have become just another problem in their life. Of course they will not listen.

No matter how many arguments you win in your lifetime, on your death bed, none of them will matter. You will only care about how beautiful you made your life and the life of those around you.

You must understand, everyone is fighting their own inner battle that you know nothing about. Everyone. If you just let that truth sink in, you wouldn’t waste an ounce of breath on doing anything but being kind to others.

People on this earth are fragile. They have built an identity for themselves that is their whole existence. Every time someone comes at them guns blazing, ready to argue, they will instinctually fight to preserve that identity, even if they know they are wrong.

When you argue with someone, you have already lost the argument, because you are trying to convince someone who is closed off and with their walls up to open up to your reason. This is stupid and will never work.

If we lived in a world where people weren’t suffering so much and were less fragile, then you could freely argue without worry. But we do not live in such a culture. We will never get there unless you deal with the root of the issue, which means you must practice being kind. Everyone has it tough, and people who tell you to just suck it up or that they are fine are just hiding the hurt inside them. People have a hard time appearing vulnerable.

Have respect for where people are at and how they got there. Even if what they believe seems stupid to you, respect the difficult journey they had getting there. They’ve had countless experiences in their life that made them decide to see things differently than you. They are not doing it because they are evil, stupid, illogical, or whatever other label you might give them. They are just people who have had their own struggles, and this is the way they have survived thus far. You are no different. You truly do not know some of the suffering people have endured in this life. To feel another person’s suffering would teach you once and for all that being kind is better than being right.

That is the real key here: just practice kindness. Be willing to speak the truth sweetly. It costs you nothing to be kind to others. In doing so, they don’t feel threatened and are more willing to hear your point of view. You will “win” far more arguments this way, but even if you don’t, everyone will win, because you will have in that moment shared a kind experience with that person. That alone will have helped break down some of their barriers. You arguing with them will never accomplish any long term gain for either of you.

Being right is fine sometimes. But being kind is always right.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.