Dear True Self,
Lately I feel like everyone is just ignoring me. People aren’t answering me when I reach out, or seem to be inattentive or uninterested when I speak. Is this all in my head? Am I doing something wrong?
Sincerely,
Ignorance Aint Bliss
Dear IAB,
Is it all in your head? Definitely! Everything is all in your head. But that isn’t a useful answer.
Right now, you are feeling ignored. That much is true. Your feelings are genuine and real, since you are experiencing them. But just because you feel you are being ignored does not mean others are actively ignoring you.
What are the odds that everyone is undergoing some secret conspiracy to ignore you? Let me tell you, everyone is not sitting around wondering,
“How can I ignore so and so today?”
You are never the center of anyone else’s thoughts. People are always the center of their own thoughts. Anything they are doing they are simply doing because of how it makes them feel.
That said, is it possible your behaviour might be creating a certain situation where you are more likely to be ignored? Sure, it is possible. But do not waste your time dwelling on how to get people to pay attention to you. This will backfire eventually because you are enslaved to what other people think of you. You can never keep that game up indefinitely.
It’s much better to focus on how you want your experience to be. You won’t be able to force other people to stop ignoring you. But whatever way people treat you, make the most of it. That is all you can ever do with life.
Right now you have drawn certain conclusions in your mind. You have read into the situation, and rather than getting clarity through understanding, you are just assuming the worst. It’s much easier to make assumptions because it lifts all responsibility from you.
If everyone is ignoring you, then you can feel like the victim. But if you seek to understand why they are ignoring you, then you will have the information you need to decide how to proceed.
Perhaps some people are going through something difficult, and don’t even realize what they are doing. Perhaps others are ignoring you because of some way you have hurt them. Perhaps some people no matter what you say will not give you an answer. There are as many possibilities as there are people.
If you can just admit that you don’t have any clue why you feel so ignored, then you will naturally seek answers. But if you just make assumptions, you will always be handcuffed.
I’m not saying you have to go to each and every person and find out why they are acting the way they are. But you must take responsibility and recognize that you don’t know what’s actually going on. Rather than trying to jump to conclusions with no information, start by admitting you need to know more.
After you admit that you don’t know the whole story, then you can decide. Case by case, you choose whether it’s worth it to pursue dialogue with each individual.
It’s important from here you don’t become attached to the outcome. You may not be satisfied with some of the responses you get. Closure is not a guarantee in life. Some things are just out of your hands.
But if you can accept that you feeling ignored is your responsibility, then at least you can regain control over yourself. How you feel should always be up to you, never to someone else.
So are they ignoring you or not? Such a question is not really worth the attention. Does it matter to you to find the truth? That is the question that should burn you up. Don’t live for what other people think of you. It’s just a trap. Focus on what’s going on within you, and things won’t look so hopeless.
With gratitude,
Your True Self
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Dear True Self 