On Money

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I have never really been financially secure. My partner and I worry about money a lot and often have arguments about spending and saving. When we don’t have enough it feels hard. When we have extra we seem to just spend it. We keep working harder, getting better jobs, but it never seems to end.

I’m just so tired of all the stress of money. Why do we even need money in this world? People say money is the root of all evil, so what’s the point of it? How can I be free of this endless game of money?

Sincerely,

More money more problems

Dear MMMP,

Money is not the root of all evil. This very idea of “good” and “evil” is just a fiction. There is only what is better for your survival or what makes your survival more difficult. Money is simply a tool. Its purpose is to make our survival simpler and more convenient. But is that really how you are using it?

Many people believe the world would be better on some barter system, or with some other way. But it would not be. The same people that hoard money or swindle people will do so on this barter system.

Look around at the way things are, in terms of your survival. Is it not extremely well organized? Would people who lived 100 years ago even be able to imagine getting in a car, going to a grocery store, buying enough food for months on end, paying by tapping a piece of plastic? Heck, you can even have it all delivered to your front door without having to get up off your couch.

If money is simply here to make survival easier for us, then why is survival so hard for most people? Why is the endless cycle of earning money and spending money enslaving millions?

The issue is with you, not with money. You have not decided where your baseline is. You earn more, so you spend more. You earn less, you spend less (hopefully!). Your standard of living is moving as mindlessly as you do.

I want to mention that there is nothing wrong with buying things. Don’t get me wrong. Even if you are spending money only on yourself and not giving to others, there is no problem. The problem is you are addicted to spending money. It is a drug that fills you with euphoria, but it quickly wears off until you spend again.

So let’s draw a baseline for yourself. Let’s establish your standard of living.

How much do you need a month for your food, a roof over your head, and basic societal needs? Seriously sit down and crunch the numbers. Get rid of all the extras, just figure out the most basic expenses. Then start adding them back in one by one to your equation. As you add each one back, honestly ask yourself if this is how you want to be spending that money. Ask if it’s worth it. You will find for some expenses the answer will be yes, and for others, the answer will be no. You will see you don’t have money problems, you have a priorities problem. If you were spending the money on things that you truly wanted, and not spending as a habit, there would be no issue.

If you are consciously choosing your expenses, you are not trapped in the addiction of spending. Without this important distinction, money will use you instead of you using it.

Your compulsive behaviour with money is what you are truly seeking to rectify. Stop looking outwards and blaming money or society or your partner. Money helps you survive in this world. Use it well. If you find yourself with extra, use that well too, either to work on yourself or to help others.

You are blessed to be able to live in a time where survival is so well organized. Take advantage of it, and you will see that you have so much to be grateful for, and so much to offer this world.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

 

 

On Procrastination

~ SE ~ 1 Comment

Dear True Self,

I have a hard time finishing what I start. Sometimes I’ll have dozens of different projects or ideas on the go – but I rarely finish any of them, or even get them halfway completed. I love creating new things but seem to struggle with completion. What can I do to stay on task and finish what I begin?

Sincerely,

Constantly creating and never finishing

Dear CCANF,

You are a visionary.

Now, don’t let your arrogance and confidence swell too much. I don’t necessarily mean this as a compliment. What use is being a visionary if you can’t even finish one thing you begin?

I say that you are a visionary to give you an understanding of why you struggle. You see, the new excites you. This world is full of people with brilliant ideas but very few have the necessary dedication to see one of their visions through.

It’s as though there is a library of books that were never written by millions of authors just like you. It’s such a sad sight to think all these things will never be experienced.

Everyone has a creative spirit. You’re not special in this. There is no such thing as “she’s creative, but he is not”. Everyone is the creator of their own life. But no one can create the things you do. And you cannot create what someone else can. Do you want all your wonderful ideas to sit in that library of unwritten works?

But I’m afraid it’s actually much worse than just the metaphor of the library. When people do not allow their creativity to flourish or blossom forth, it wreaks havoc within them.

I will give you an example – Let’s say you had an idea for a novel. You mapped out some of the story, a few characters. You got excited, called up a friend…even they like the idea! They encourage you to go for it. Then you decide “I’ll write it later”. But you never do.

Just as much as you are a visionary, you are also a procrastinator. Let’s not sugar coat the whole thing anymore.

Procrastination is damaging to your system. Every time you start a project, there is a certain process that you have begun. Not just in your mind, but also in your emotions. You form attachment to these ideas, and deep down within you there is a desire to see these dreams become a reality. When they do not become a reality, that energy doesn’t just dissipate and fade away. It keeps replaying within you, like a broken record. Even if it’s not always on your mind, it plays anyway in the background. Whether you are conscious or not of this makes no difference. Trust me, the broken record keeps playing.

That unspent creative energy keeps trying to express itself now – so you start another project. And another. And yet another. But you can’t just run from the source of this creativity. Ultimately it wants to find expression in your life. You want your ideas to become a reality, your dreams to come true. The longer you ignore this, the more it will scream at you until you listen. You are only here on this planet for a short time, don’t waste it. At least try to make some of your dreams real. I’m not talking about being successful with these ideas – maybe your novel never gets published. That’s not the point. The point is just to enjoy the process and see your finished works in your hands.

It gets worse though. Not only is this broken record building momentum as you endlessly create works you never complete – procrastination itself is now something you are practicing! Practice makes perfect does it not? You have become the perfect procrastinator.

There you have it, the wonderful visionary, full of amazing ideas, but a master procrastinator. I’m being blunt and brutal here because you need to see that you are putting all your energy into sabotaging yourself when the solution is really simple:

Just pick any one thing you have started and see it through.

Start with the easiest, least time consuming idea you have. Work until it’s done. It will be such a fulfilling feeling. Then this desire to complete will build momentum. Procrastination can become a thing of the past.

I’ll sum it up for you:

If you don’t create the life you want, you will create nothing but obstacles and barriers for yourself.

Your creative energy is unstoppable. Harness it and use it to make a wonderful life, or it will just create nonsense within you.

You have wonderful gifts. It’s time to work and share them with the world. I believe in you.

Sincerely,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Busyness

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

Over the holidays it was so nice – I had some days off from work, spent time with family and friends, got to catch up on the books and tv shows I love, even got to go on some small outings here and there. I feel refueled, energized, and ready for work again. 

But my past has shown me that after a little bit the vacation feeling will wear off and work and life will drag me back into it’s busyness again. Why is it so tough to sustain that feeling of ease after a vacation? What can I do to manage the stress of work so it’s not so draining?

Sincerely,

Busy as a bee

Dear BAAB,

Very few people know what it means to be at ease.

Let’s examine your so called vacation over the holidays. You were up to so many things! I’m sure you were constantly going from one task to one event to another throughout this whole winter break. If you really examine it closely, it was probably quite busy – maybe even more so than your work is at times.

So why is it you feel refueled and energized from something that is even busier than work?

Work is just survival – a way to put food in our belly. There is always this survival mechanism at play within you – it dictates the vast majority of actions. But if you only acted for survival sake, you would only do what is rational, logical. You would never do anything for your enjoyment or pleasure. Just try it one day – wake up and only do what is necessary for your survival. You will see how unfulfilling it is. Yet we put so much importance on surviving. Survival will not make you happy. It will only lengthen your time on this planet. What use is a long life if 95% of it was spent just struggling to survive, and you never really thrived?

The reason you felt refueled by actions you took over the holidays is because you enjoyed doing them. They were not necessary for your survival at all. You enjoyed them so they invigorated you. But now you are back to work, and work is not invigorating you. Clearly, you are not happy there.

So what does this mean? Should you quit your job? Only if that’s what you truly want. But every action has consequences. Although there are other ways to survive in this world than earning a paycheque, many will not be willing to live that way.

The thing is, you don’t need to change your external world to be happy. Your happiness is always generated within you. There may be some external stimulus, but in the end, where is the happiness being manufactured? It is always within you. If you can just bring this quality of joy to the things you need to do for survival, you will see your life magically transform. Your energy level at work will not be an issue.

Or to put it another way, especially when you are doing something you find particularly cumbersome, you need to bring joy into it. That’s when you need joy the most.

If you do not bring joy to the things you do most in your life – work, eating, doing the dishes, driving your car…that is a large percentage of your life you wasted. Do those things joyfully. Use them as great opportunities to practice being joyful.

How to practice you ask? It’s very simple. Smile. This physical act will change your chemistry. From there, just try to be pleasant. Pleasantness will grow into joy. Joy can grow into happiness. Happiness can blossom into enthusiasm for life. All things in life are a process. Start with a smile and the process of happiness will burst forth within you.

I do not want to enable your lifestyle anymore – working and draining yourself to earn money at the expense of your life? Then using that money to fix your broken and damaged body and mind and heart? What a vicious cycle! It’s time to break it. Don’t ask how to refuel yourself, or sustain a feeling of ease. Don’t try to manage your stress at work. If you are pleasant, no amount of work will every feel like a burden. Ease comes when you are pleasant. Practice being pleasant. It is the fuel you are seeking. The world needs more pleasant people in it.

Sincerely,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On Anger

~ SE ~ Leave a comment

Dear True Self,

I drive to work everyday and I find myself getting more and more frustrated. It feels like every damn minute some idiot is driving like a maniac. Not signaling, merging without looking, tailgating, speeding….you name it! I’m getting real tired of having something I do daily become such a source of frustration for me. I have to drive because I have to get to work, but why does it have to be so bloody irritating? What can I do about this?

Sincerely,

The only one who seems to know how to drive

 

Dear TOOWSTKHTD, (what a mouthful!),

First please realize you are not the only one who knows how to drive. I guarantee you nearly everyone else who is driving is thinking the same thing you are.

“I’m the only one who drives properly, look at all these morons!”

A good rule of thumb to help you in life is if you think everyone else around you is the problem, then YOU are the problem.

Look, you may be able to bullshit your self, but you can’t bullshit your true self. I know better.

Even if you magically changed the rules and all the drivers out there somehow, then suddenly you would see all the ways you are now the one at fault. If everyone else drives flawlessly, then will you see how hypocritical you are?

Alas, chastising you for your double standards is not my goal. I just want to bring some light to them so you can understand the real question you are asking.

Your question on the surface reads as “Why is everyone going out of their way to annoy me?!” I promise, no one is thinking even one tiny thought of you out there. You are not the center of their universe, even for a fraction of a second.

In reality, the question you really want an answer to is “How can I stop getting so angry at every little thing in life?”

You really want to know why you are getting angry. Without knowing why, you won’t really work towards changing it.

Please see – all anger comes from one source:

Hurt.

You do not have to take my word for it. Next time you feel annoyed, irritated, angry – sit with it. Don’t try to increase or decrease the anger – just let it happen. Do not direct it towards anything in particular. Just let it express itself. I know it sounds boring, but just experiment with this every time you get in your car.

Eventually, you will see that underneath all the anger – you are just hurting. You could be hurting about so many things – physical pain, mental struggles, emotional trauma. You have buried them under your anger so you don’t have to deal with them. Now they reactively get expressed outwards, to people and situations.

Ultimately, when you become angry – you are communicating to the world you are the victim. Things are happening to you that should not be happening. But really, you’re not mad at silly things like traffic – you are mad for much deeper reasons. You are mad because somewhere in the past, something hurt you, and you still are suffering it like a victim.

I feel for you. I truly do. This anger is now an entrenched habit. It expresses itself every time you drive. But really, it’s also an opportunity for you to be done with it. You will need to practice something else in it’s place to truly be free of this anger.

Next time you find yourself getting angry in traffic – Tell yourself:

“It’s okay. I’m just hurting. My wish is that these people drive safely to their destination.”

Instead of giving them your anger, give them your compassion. If the anger comes before your compassion, just let it come out – no sense in trying to stop it. But after it comes out, change your inner dialogue from it being their fault to giving them this compassion. It’s not because they deserve it or to let them get away with driving recklessly. It’s because anger is a poison you drink and expect the other person to die. Every time you become angry you are damaging your system. It’s time to stop hurting yourself.

The things we do every day multiple times a day – like driving – you should learn to do with grace. And especially those things that irritate you – you should put even more attention into doing them as pleasantly as you can in that moment. Fake it until you make it if you must. Ultimately your anger helps no one, least of all you.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.

On New Year’s Resolutions

~ SE ~ 1 Comment

Dear True Self,

It’s the new year and I want to make a resolution to be healthier – better diet, more exercise…you know the story.
I’m worried though because every time I start a good routine it lasts for a bit but then fades away and next year I find myself making the same resolution.

What can I do to commit to my resolution? How do I stay motivated? Please HELP!

Sincerely,

Foreseeing a lack of motivation

Dear FALOM,

You and many others have this same desire. Every year, I see so many people with the same desire as you. 99% of them suffer the same fate as you and are back to their old habits in no time. To understand why, you need to look at your reason for doing this in the first place.

Why do you want to become healthy? Why do you want to have a better diet or more exercise? For many people, this motivation is not coming from a genuine or honest place. It is simply coming because they have a low self-image – they see themselves as unattractive or undesirable, be it in love or friendships. Please look at yourself and see you are no different. You have fallen into this same trap. This is why it won’t last. Ultimately, no one can ever make lasting change for what other people think of them. The need to change must come because you want it.

To make this something YOU want and not a resolution coming from fear of how you’re viewed only requires one thing. You have just forgotten a very simple truth:

You are lucky to be here! Another year, this planet…it has gone around the sun, and it is still thriving. And you are on this planet, able to enjoy all it has to offer. And this body you have – it is not just some burden you carry to the grave. No, it is a gift. It is your home. Without it, what can you do? This body is your vehicle. Without it, where can you go? This is probably not the answer you wanted, but it is the only real solution. It is no small thing that you are alive. In fact, it is the most important thing in your life right now.

But others are counting on you to be healthy as well. See, you are the caretaker of this body. You are not the only one who resides in it. There are countless lifeforms that call your body home as well. If you don’t take care of yourself, they too can go nowhere. They have put their whole life stock in you! The least you can do is take care of yourself, every day. Not just when there is a problem. Every single day.

You must take care of your body until you die. The longer you avoid this simple reality, the more your body will scream at you to change. It’s not actually complicated. What is so complex about eating? What is so complex about doing some daily physical activity? Every life-form on the planet accomplishes this daily with very little problem.

You don’t need motivation. Motivation is a myth. Because you may put up posters, read quotes, have a great playlist for the gym – but one day you will wake up feeling a little low, and on that day – no motivation will help you. You’ve decided

“Screw this, not today. I’ve got better things to do”.

So just choose. If you can so easily choose to NOT be healthy, then why not just flip the story? Choose to be healthy.

You want to eat better? Good! You want to exercise? Great.

Then start today.

Just like you brush your teeth every day, and you can’t imagine not doing it everyday for the rest of your life, just do the same. Decide today, right here, right now:

Every day for the rest of my life I will take care of this body.

Whatever that means for you, do it. If it’s the gym, if it’s a special diet, if it’s yoga, if it’s a sport or dance – whatever it is, turn it into a daily requirement for life. You will see, needing motivation was an excuse. You don’t need motivation to brush your damn teeth. So don’t make these excuses anymore for your very life. Just do it.

Another year has come, and now another resolution. Don’t make a New Year’s Resolution. Make a New LIFE resolution. Leave the old patterns behind. Your time is now, and existence will thank you for respecting and loving yourself enough to take care of your gift of life.

I know you can do it. You’re me after all.

With gratitude,

Your True Self

Click here if you have a question to ask Your True Self. All questions are anonymous and may be published unless specified otherwise.